Parents who try to make you feel guilty.

by NJ501 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NJ501

    When parents say all the things we've done for you and your not doing anything for us in return like going to meetings, witnessing, answering up etc..

    How do you respond to parents?

  • Reazon22

    Going through this right now. I have some contact with my parents been DF well over 10 yrs anyways I heard from a relative my parents were saying the same thing about me, I was crushed that they feel that way. My parents are getting up there in age and I'm worry about the night/day if I ever get that phone call if they die and me being DF. Really curious to see the responses this thread brings in because I need some tips.

  • freddo

    Not saying you should do (or respond with) this. But you might think it to assuage any guilt you may feel.

    "Yeah, well, what do you expect? You brought me up in a deluded cult filled with false predictions, lies, shunning and cover-ups."

  • moreconfusedthanever

    This one is tough. Does not the bible say that we each render our own account? Do nothing under compulsion?

    Witnessing, meeting attendance etc is your relationship with Jehovah and has nothing to do with what your parents have done for you or something you do for them.

    They are told to bring their children up in the mental regulations of Jehovah and then we are told to make the truth our own.

  • NJ501

    Sorry to hear that Reazon.

    Lol Freddo, I probably wouldn't say that but I will think it.

    Yeah it is a tough one to answer. I would say something similar along the lines of your response moreconfusedthanever.

    I just hate being told your unappreciate and you do nothing for us in return.

  • Chook

    The jw church was built on making people feel guilty. Come to our KH and be cleansed of sin and then your conscience will be a peace.

  • Xanthippe

    That seems a strange reaction to me, surely it should be what are you doing for God? Seems it's all about what other people think about your parents and whether you are shaming your parents in their eyes or making them proud by being a JW drone.

    I don't know what to tell you, it's painfull I know. A friend said to me its like you're the child that was thrown away in your family.

    The thing is I didn't give birth to my daughter so that she could be a carbon copy of me and believe me she isn't! Children have to grow up and live their own lives.

    You are not responsible for your parents' lack of self esteem. They should have built their sense of self based on their own achievements not relying on what you do with your life to impress their friends/the congregation. Too many parents make this mistake but it's their mistake and not yours. I know it's painful nevertheless, chin up.

  • smiddy3

    If you or your parents do believe in a GOD ,who gave you a brain to think and reason for yourself then it would be going against GOD`s arrangement if you only followed and acted upon what others told you or wanted you to do.

    And not "do or act" on what your brain tells you to do with a clear conscience .

    It never ceases to amaze me how & why so many people live their lives dictated by what other people will think of them instead of living their own lives by what they want to do.

    They just waste their own lives trying to please other people.

    Its crazy.

    You only have one life ,don`t waste it trying to please other people , life is short enough as it is.

  • pale.emperor

    I've had this in the form of "what would your dad say?" (my dad died when i was 19).

    My reply is "my dad had no tolerance for pedophiles, child molesters or those who protect them. If he knew what i knew he'd have left too".

  • sinboi
    When parents say all the things we've done for you and your not doing anything for us in return like going to meetings, witnessing, answering up etc..

    Words above won't have much effect on me.

    My parents did not talk to me much after I DA'd. They write notes and leave it on the table.

    The first two months after I DA'd was the hardest part. I see notes on the table :

    "Do you know your mom is crying because you left?"

    "The family can no longer be happy because of what you did."

    The most heart wrenching for me was when I see my mom crying in the morning while reading the daily text. In the past, I will be with her discussing the day text...

    I would lock myself in the room after school and pondered over what I have done. I did feel guilty. I would be lying if I tell you that I did not consider going back.

    But I know myself. I couldn't and wouldn't pretend that all is fine with the org. When I have doubts, I want it answered. I am sure that even if I am reinstated, within a few weeks they would DF me. I wrote a note and tell my parents what I am thinking.

    Luckily, after about a month or so, my parents finally accepted the fact that I am out . They don't pressure me to go back anymore.

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