...one of my best friends, who is a witness, spoke to me this week and basically said she knows what we have been up to and her 'conscience' has made her go to the elders. Not only am I distraught that someone I used to consider as my best friend could do this, I am confused as to why!!
Have you not been a JW? What surprises me is your reaction. Do you expect that JWs are going to be mindful, respectful and/or supportive of you? What do you think fading is about? Do you think that by fading things are going to be peaceful and they are going to leave you alone? Fading is not just stopping to attend meetings and preaching, fading is preparing yourself for what comes next when it comes to your relationship with them.
They are a cult, they are not nice people, and they are not just going to let you be and live. Please don't tell me that you didn't know that.
...has anyone else had hassle from witnesses and elders when trying to fade? Is it going to be this hard forever, constantly checking over our shoulder that a witness isn't watching us. Checking out the window when the doorbell rings in case it's an elder! I feel like I am still controlled by the religion even though I no longer practice it!
Yes, if you let them. I think the issue here is your people pleasing, and maybe also difficulty setting boundaries with people. The moment that you tell them to fuck off, they will.
Keep this in mind:
- They are not nice people and they are not going to leave you alone by themselves. You have to make that happen for you and your family.
- They have no saying and no authority in your lives, unless you allow them to
- You don't have to be nice to them all the time, you don't need to please them. It's ok to tell them to fuck off.
- They are never going to treat you nicely, even if you return to the KH.
- It is your responsibility to set boundaries and tell them to mind their own fucking business.
- Fading is about creating support outside the congregation, so you don't have to deal with those idiots again.
I hope that helps.