Marital seperation -- the Society's guidelines

by logansrun 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Pork Chop
    Pork Chop

    There's a whole lot more separation and divorce going on these days and the Organization doesn't really know how to deal with it. I know several couples that have split and just won't talk about it to anyone. It's interesting to watch.

    And I do know people who have gotten legal separations or divorces so they could get child support and no one could do anything about it.

  • BeautifulGarbage
    11 Extreme physical abuse is another basis for separation. Suppose an unbelieving mate often gets drunk, becomes enraged, and causes the believer physical harm. (Proverbs 23:29-35) Through prayer and by displaying the fruitage of Jehovah’s spirit, the believer may be able to prevent such outbursts and make the situation endurable. But if the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy, separation would be allowable Scripturally. Again, congregation elders should look into charges of physical abuse when two Christians are involved in the troubled marriage, and disfellowshipping action may have to be taken.—Compare Galatians 5:19-21; Titus 1:7.

    Of course, a Brother would never get drunk, become enraged, and cause physical harm.

    And it was all just a figment of my and my Mother's imagination.

  • rocketman

    The abuse one has always bothered me. When I was an elder, it bothered me. Fortunately, I dealt with no cases of it. But note, as already highlighted, that the victim is in effect told to deal with it by displaying 'fruits of the spirit' and through prayer - as mentioned, placing a burden on the victim to try being a 'better wife' in order to offset or prevent the abuser's actions. This thinking is ridiculous in my view. Also ridiculous is that they abuse must take place numerous times before anything is really allowed to be done.

  • Badger

    My Story... and also paritally why I'm here making my first post.

    I married a sister and started a secular job when we were 21, leaving pioneering after two years. Even after this, my soon-to-be-father in law said that he wasn't sure that I was spiritual enough for his daughter...a sentiment he repeated frequently.

    This, coupled with reaching out in the congregation with no appreciable results (I was kicked off stage mic dute for forgetting my songbook...even though I knew the words), pretty much sent the messages I had feared all along:

    1. No matter haw hard you apply yourself or how sincere you are, It won't be good enough if you run afoul of politics.

    2. It's pretty plain that the congregation doesn't need need the congregation.

    After that, I went into a flat spin in the congregation. irregular, sporadic at meetings, until I finally shook it off and decided to go to college.

    My parents questioned me good and hard, and my wife defended my decision (gotta give her props for that). That is, until I had to work full time AND carry a 20-hr. semester load (A term that few in the org understood) and miss meetings. Then, she left after my junior year and moved in with my parents (you heard me), saying I "wasn't spiritual enough"

    At my worst point, I was completely abandoned by EVERYONE. The elders refused to lift a finger and refused even to keep up or attempt to consel us. I kept trying to make it work (It was my duty as a spouse, after all) until she confessed to sleeping around.

    To wrap up, I'm still in, and not sure what's next for me(DON'T try to convince me to leave...It'll only hurt the case). I'm single and free now, and get either apologies or sunning from my former friends.

  • Nosferatu

    Welcome Badger! Very interesting story!

    Then, she left after my junior year and moved in with my parents (you heard me),

    LOL! I did something like that. After my ex-fiance left me, I ended up moving in with her dad. What a mess that was.

    DON'T try to convince me to leave...It'll only hurt the case

    I don't think anyone here can convince you to leave. That is entirely your decision, Badger. You've seen the backstabbing that goes on, you have never been spiritual enough - no matter how hard you tried, your parents sided with your slutty wife. If you want to keep all that shit in your life, that's fine with me.

  • shotgun

    Hey Badger...welcome to the forum... you said

    DON'T try to convince me to leave...It'll only hurt the case

    No one will try to convince you to leave ..that's your choice but this is not exactly the place to get people to encourage you back either, especially to the family the cong and the friends that shun you. They sound so loving I don't know how you can stay away?


    For me My wife left me for a period of time with our daughter and was rewarded handsomly from friends and relatives with cards telling her she was doing the right thing and Jah would bless her. My crime...apostatsy* people screaming, children crying, woman faints* Not open apostasy but I confided in her and what if all I showed them was info from the what if no one could answer a question without merely accepting the Org's explanation..just make sure its the latest explanation.

    New troof right around the corner ...choo...choo

    Funny that my wife could not find a thing in the bound volumes and suddenly she knows about spiritual endangerment...hmmmmmm...coaching maybe.

  • Gordy

    I have been separated from my JW wife since December 1996.

    The reason was that they decided I was a "spiritual danger to the family" not because of anything I had learnt about the WT at that time. I hadn't even looked at anything then or even used the Internet etc, never heard of Ray Franz book. Belived the WT as I always had.

    No the reason was because I was suffering from Clinical depression and suicidal. So I was not really going out on the ministry as much as I should be or actively taking part in meetings.

    So they help you by having you kicked out from your home and family.

  • shamus

    Try proving "Extreme Abuse".

    One poster here, (not me) had a husband that went TO JAIL for beating his wife so bad... she was in the hospital, and that WAS NOT ENOUGH for them.

    No kidding.

    What they say and what they do are completely seperate.

  • dmouse

    What about spiritual endangerment of your children? That seems to be the tack my wife is taking at the minute. She's making it unbearable for me to stay, forcing me to leave even though I've done nothing wrong so I get the blame!

    Welcome Badger! Visit Smiley Central!

    Though I wish it were under better circumstances; that sucks man.

  • Badger

    The biggest bug from this? I'm in a congregation now that (looks like it) accepts me. My meeting attendance and service isn't close to stellar, but I'm always invited to do things in and out of the hall, I'm being introduced to a veritable rainbow of sisters. However, I haven't exactly laid down some of my doubts (As I had during the separation crisis, when only one very conservative ex-elder gave me the lone supportive ear), so I'm not sure what will happen when that particular stool hits the fan. I once offered to the ex-father-in-law that the number 40 is often symbolic in events (such as the flood), and he didn't talk to me for two weeks.

    The separation was a huge tax on my faith in my fellow man. As I told a sister (That I once dated) during the whole separation mess, "I love Jehovah; I just don't have any more use for his people." She didn't really care for that...

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