Marital seperation -- the Society's guidelines

by logansrun 22 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  logansrun

  I'm curious....

  The Society's policies on the issue of a person seperating from his or her mate is the following (so far as I know):

  The mate may "scripturally" seperate on the grounds of:

  1) Extreme abuse

  2) Willful nonsupport

  3) Total and absolute endangerment of spirituality

  I personally know of a family member who seperated from their mate for extreme verbal abuse and nothing more. The elders supported this person's decision.

  My question is this: How does the Society back up these three critereon scripturally?

  Bradley
• 

  Euphemism

  Quite simply, there is no scriptural basis. The subject has been discussed in the family book and on other occasions, but the most extensive treatment is w88 22, parrs 10-12. Here it is, for your perusal:

  10

  Willful nonsupport is one basis for separation. When entering wedlock, a husband assumes the responsibility of providing for his wife and any children they may have. The man who does not provide for members of his household "has disowned the faith and is worse than a person without faith." (1 Timothy 5:8) So separation is possible if there is willful nonsupport. Of course, appointed elders should give careful consideration to an accusation that a Christian is refusing to support his wife and family. Stubborn refusal to support one’s family may result in disfellowshipping.

  11

  Extreme physical abuse is another basis for separation. Suppose an unbelieving mate often gets drunk, becomes enraged, and causes the believer physical harm. (Proverbs 23:29-35) Through prayer and by displaying the fruitage of Jehovah’s spirit, the believer may be able to prevent such outbursts and make the situation endurable. But if the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy, separation would be allowable Scripturally. Again, congregation elders should look into charges of physical abuse when two Christians are involved in the troubled marriage, and disfellowshipping action may have to be taken.—Compare Galatians 5:19-21; Titus 1:7.

  12

  Absolute endangerment of spirituality also provides a basis for separation. The believer in a religiously divided home should do everything possible to take advantage of God’s spiritual provisions. But separation is allowable if an unbelieving mate’s opposition (perhaps including physical restraint) makes it genuinely impossible to pursue true worship and actually imperils the believer’s spirituality. Yet, what if a very unhealthy spiritual state exists where both mates are believers? The elders should render assistance, but especially should the baptized husband work diligently to remedy the situation. Of course, if a baptized marriage partner acts like an apostate and tries to prevent his mate from serving Jehovah, the elders should handle matters according to the Scriptures. If disfellowshipping takes place in a case involving absolute endangerment of spirituality, willful nonsupport, or extreme physical abuse, the faithful Christian who seeks a legal separation would not be going against Paul’s counsel about taking a believer to court.—1 Corinthians 6:1-8.

  As you can see, no scriptures are presented to indicate that these particular issues, as opposed to others, justify separation. It's simply WT dictum, nothing more.

  A few particularly despicable statements deserve to be highlighted:

  Through prayer and by displaying the fruitage of Jehovah’s spirit, the believer may be able to prevent such outbursts and make the situation endurable.

  Typical "blame the victim" mentality.

  But if the point is reached where the health and life of the abused mate actually are in jeopardy, separation would be allowable Scripturally

  So abuse is not sufficient grounds for separation. If a husband regularly hits his wife, she still has to stay with him, as long as he's not endangering her health.

  If disfellowshipping takes place in a case involving absolute endangerment of spirituality, willful nonsupport, or extreme physical abuse, the faithful Christian who seeks a legal separation would not be going against Paul’s counsel about taking a believer to court.

  So in other words, if you're married to another Witness, then you can't get a legal separation (and thus legally enforced child support) unless the elders choose to disfellowship the person.
• 

  Scully

  Try Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29:

  Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delievered up himself for it. ... In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it, as the Christ also does the congregation.

  and Galatians 5:19-21:

  Now the works of the flesh are manifest, and they are fornication, uncleanness, loose conduct, idolatry, practice of spiritism, enmities, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, contentions, divisions, sects, envies, drunken bouts, revelries, and things like these. As to these things I am forewarning you, that those who practice such things will not inherit God's kingdom.

  then, there's 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

  Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

  and 1 Timothy 3:2-12

  The overseer should therefore be irreprehensible, a husband of one wife, moderate in habits, sound in mind, orderly, hospitable, qualified to teach, not a drunken brawler, not a smiter, but reasonable, not belligerent, not a lover of money, a man presiding over his household in a fine manner, having children in subjection with all seriousness; (if indeed any man does not know how to preside over his own household how will he take care of God's congregation?) not a newly converted man, for fear that he might get puffed up [with pride] and fall into the judgement passed upon the Devil. Moreover, he should have a fine testimony from people on the outside, in order that he might not fall into reproach and a snare of the Devil.

  Ministerial servants should likewise be serious, not double-tongued, not giving themselves to a lot of wine, not greedy of dishonest gain, holding the sacred secret of the faith with a clean conscience.

  Also, let them be tested as to fitness first, then let them serve as ministers, as they are free from accusation.

  Women should likewise be serious, not slanderous, moderate in habits, faithful in all things.

  Let ministerial servants be husbands of one wife, presiding in a fine manner over children and their own households.

  Love, Scully
• 

  onacruse

  A JW cannot (as per WTS policy) be DFd simply for getting a separation or divorce. The only basis for DFing would be if there was a remarriage without fornication as grounds for the divorce.

  The issue about "Scriptural" separations has only to do with 1) whether a brother will continue to be used in an "exemplary" way; 2) whether the departing brother or sister can expect to have the support of the congregation (perhaps including financial aid).

  But, as Euph says, this is all about policy; as in ozzie's other thread "We don't makes rules beyond what the Bible says."

  Craig
• 

  Euphemism

  The issue about "Scriptural" separations has only to do with 1) whether a brother will continue to be used in an "exemplary" way; 2) whether the departing brother or sister can expect to have the support of the congregation (perhaps including financial aid).

  Technically, that is true.

  But remember what it was actually like to be in the Borg, Craig. Most witnesses weren't concerned only with sanctions, and what they could get away with. Many--if not most--would follow the Society's directions, even if there were no overt sanctions, because they believed it was the right thing to do.

  If a person does go ahead and leave their mate against the Society's guidelines, they have a major guilt-trip to try to overcome, at one of the most emotionally difficult times of their lives. Plus, they will be regarded as spiritually weak, which in some--though certainly not all--congregations, means that they will be a social pariah.
• 

  onacruse

  Euph, yep. The "guilty" party will usually be socially ground down to a pulp (like you say, just when they need help the most), and oftentimes ends up seeking solace in the arms of another man (or woman), and then the congregation takes the "We told you so...see what happens when you go against the Society?"

  Craig
• 

  logansrun

  Thanks for the information. Just as I thought, nowhere does the Bible spell out exactly what grounds there are for "legal seperation" -- something that didn't even exist back then. Interestingly, the family member I mentioned earlier seperated for verbal abuse only -- nothing physical at all. I wonder if they and the elders involved were violating the WTs policy?

  Bradley
• 

  Euphemism

  Absolutely they were, Bradley.

  But a lot of elders are far more lenient on this matter than the Society. I think that many of them recognize that the rules on this subject are just ridiculous.

  Unfortunately, that's not true of all elders.
• 

  StinkyPantz

  Bradley-

  Seperate or separate?
• 

  logansrun

  Stinky Pantz,

  Yeah, whatever the correct spelling is.

  Bradley