I don't think I will be able to escape the JWs ...

by nevaagain 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • nonjwspouse

    Nvaagain - you are comfortable maintaining the status quo and living the double life- for now. It is when you experience your own crisis of consciousness that you will then recognize the damage of abandoning your integrity. To continue in the life that accepts the GB as the word of god, it will eventually catch up with you.

    Lost time, lost opportunities to make your life better, possibly marrying a JW then finding out your consciousness will not allow the assault on your integrity ( or intelligence, or emotions) to continue.

    The experience of potentially losing, or actually losing, all that is connected with the JW is a horrific experience for so many., Some even commit suicide over it. The emotional blackmail/ torture is not biblical.

    If you got married and had children, think ahead. Think oft the possibilities you could be faced with. You could be disfellowshipped for something you felt was wrong. Your family, friends, etc. would punish you, not reach out to honestly, realistically, help with your questions or anything else. Your child could be disfellowshipped for simply not believing the GB is the final word of God. Think of what you would be faced with.

    Your investment of time so far has been long. But that is not a reason to continue. The need of the Comfort of familiarity can be found in plenty of toxic situations.This investment is considered a sunk cost.

    You need to think. Think abut your future. Step outside your comfort zone to find out what it actually real.

  • Island Man
    Island Man

    The best and only way to leave a cult is not to physically get out of the cult, but to mentally get the cult out of you. There are many physically out, DFd JWs who are still mentally in the cult and as a result, would virtually commit suicide in a medical crisis requiring blood. Better to be physically in and mentally out, than to be physically out and mentally in.

  • nicolaou

    Your post was all about yourself.

    Does it not concern you that by remaining and presumably promoting the faith via service and meeting attendance that you are propping up a cult which destroys families and has the blood of innocents on it's hands?

    How about personal integrity and intellectual honesty?

    No, it's the hot sisters isn't it? Your brain isn't the organ you're thinking with is it?

    Grow up.

  • OneGenTwoGroups

    My conscience bothers me like I'm endorsing (by still attending) an organization that is at least as evil as NAMBLA.

    Shouldn't you feel the same?

  • Tenacious

    That's a very interesting perspective neeva. You are spot on with many points you make in terms of having to adopt to a new world or society so to speak.

    If you're entire life has always been with the JW's then I can see where the difficulty lies. Your entire social strata revolves and has always revolved around the JW's.

    Don't take what I'm about to write personally. And if you are offended, I apologize, however, I need you to be aware of something that perhaps you are not realizing.

    Your entire life has been either directly or indirectly dictated to you by being a JW. Your thinking, your speech, your dress, your grooming, your friends, yours jobs, your hobbies, your spare time, your eating habits, your entertainment, your family life, even the kind of pets you own. Being a JW, you have ceased to exist and your freewill has been stripped away. Now, you may be thinking, "heck no!" "I choose to do what I want to do!"

    Not so neeva. Think about it friend. You said it yourself: "So many gave me the advice to either leave or at least fade from the witnesses. But I feel way too lonely to do that. I am 36 years old now and meeting new people at this age is getting harder and harder."

    My sincere and humble advice to you is: Keep all the good that you learned and trash the rest, but get out there in the world and live! Experience the beautiful aspect of life! Experience what it's like to get up on Saturday morning and do as you please! Redo your entire thinking and move it!

    The other choice is to continue living in the world that has already been dictated to you.

    I wish you the best and hope you can experience being free mentally and physically.

  • joe134cd

    My story is very similar to yours e.g our ages / reasons for staying / fear of leaving / attending different conventions and only going for lunch lol. Except for 1 point. Wow 15 years that is quite some time. I honestly thought I could play the same game, of knowing TTATT while still living a tolerable JW life with minimal effort. I was gone with in 18 months. In some ways Im glade I left before it got to the point where I ended up opening my mouth and been forced to leave. Just remember the JW divorce rate is similar ( and for the research I done would suggest possibly higher) to the world. So if you think marrying a JW is going to get you a better style or quality of relationship you are just flat out wrong. I actually think with the way your mind is now, marrying a JW (particularly an indoctrinated one) may be the worst possible thing. I believe there has to be a catalyst involved or an event that will either make or force you to move. You just havnt reached that point yet. I guarantee you however if you keep this up it will just destroy you inside. Although to have done it for 15 years just astounds me. I wish you the best.

  • Ding

    So I guess I will continue to live a lie ... because as a worldly person right now, I would feel lonely and with the JWs as "friends" I feel a little bit less lonely.

    Do you still believe in God and Christ? If so, do you think they want you to live a lie?

    If you no longer believe in God, can you not at least believe in yourself?

    If you do find a woman whom you really love, don't you think she deserves better than a marriage based on a lie?

    There are people who will love you and accept you for who you really are rather than requiring you to pretend to be someone else.

    Isn't that why you came to this forum in the first place -- because deep down you wanted a place where you could be real?

    If it would help to talk it out further, feel free to PM me.

  • LisaRose

    It's your life, if you want to stay in a religion because it makes it easier to meet girls, nobody is going to stop you. Having been in this religion for thirty years I know how hard it is to break away, but I can tell you that you won't know how much it is limiting your life until you leave. If I knew then what I know now I would have left a lot sooner that's for sure.

    It's hard to go into the unknown, hard to leave the familiar for something new, but confronting our fears and taking a risk is also the only way to improve your life and grow as a person. Don't believe the Watchtower bull that all "worldly" girls are promiscuous, that's silly. And so what if they do have experience? Don't let your fears dictate your life.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    It's so hard to visualise the self-inflicted mental, physical, and financial strains which living such an existence will inevitably bring.

    You could easily live another 50 years. Have a read of "The Road Less Travelled" before you hand over your life to the org. Whatever happens, I wish you as peaceful a life as I myself enjoy.

  • LoveUniHateExams

    No backlash from me.

    You're in a difficult situation like most of us are/were.

    Its up to you how to handle it - disassociate/tell the WT to f**k off or do a gentle fade or stay in and ignore WT bullshit.

    All the best.

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