I don't think I will be able to escape the JWs ...

by nevaagain 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • nevaagain

    I know I will get a lot of backslash on this forum for saying this, but as it looks like, I won't ever be able to escape the JWs. I have been a born in, third generation JW and awoken in one way or another (I joined this forum 15 years ago) for a very long time. But I have adapted to the JW lifestyle to a point where it does not bother me anymore. I don't feel that I am losing anything and in some ways I might be leading a double life.

    I don't mind not being able to celebrate birthdays. I have no problem eating food which others prepared for birthday though, which many witnesses have a problem with. Even as a "worldly" person, I don't think I would smoke, because of the cost and the health. So what I am trying to say is, I woulnd't live any different as a worldly person.

    I don't have any special priviliges in the congregation (other than occasionally reading or delivering the microphones to the ones answering). I managed to keep my preaching to a minimum.

    Going to meetings is not a big hassle for me anymore. For my work I have to dress in fancy clothes anyway, so I don't lose too much time with having to change for the meeting. Also I have not prepared for a meeting for ages. I see the meetings and the conventions as a place to socialize. During my meeting I using my tablet to surf around on the internet. So I made my peace with them.

    If someone followed my threads then you would know that my JW wife cheated on me and left me some months ago. So many gave me the advice to either leave or at least fade from the witnesses. But I feel way too lonely to do that. I am 36 years old now and meeting new people at this age is getting harder and harder.

    Right now I am even visiting new congregations and going to extra assemblies (skipping the part where the talks are and only going to the lunch break and the end) just to meet new people. If I am in a new city because of work, I try to make it to the local congregation.

    Yep folks that right, I am trying to meet new girls. I seem to be able to handle JW girls fine. But worldly girls ... I feel I am not experienced enough to handle them and it is so damn easy to meet girls if you are a JW. You go to a new congregation or a an assembly and you can meet lots of girls there.

    So I guess I will continue to live a lie ... because as a worldly person right now, I would feel lonely and with the JWs as "friends" I feel a little bit less lonely.

    Maybe someone can relate ... I know most won't, but thats all right :-)

  • pale.emperor

    Hi nevaagain

    I can relate. Im in my early 30s and understand that it's difficult to meet people and form new friendships, most people by this age already have well established friendships that were formed years ago.

    If you're happy living the life you've described above then i sincerely wish you the best. I dont think JW's are bad people... sure there are some, but generally they're good people. It's the organization most of us on here have a problem with, and people blindly following teachings that just arnt right.

    But, if you want to live as a JW despite not being committed then i wish you the best and i hope you meet a nice girl.


  • fulano

    Sad, that's the only thing that came up.

  • never a jw
    never a jw

    You are fine, the "worldly" world is not for everyone. The "worldly" world is a lot more fun, with way more choices, from the worst to the very best. The world offers the opportunity to get much greater sense of accomplishment. You can be selfish and give yourself every material joy available to you without a sense of guilt, or you can do great acts of philanthropy and attain maximum sense of fulfillment without the judgement of fundamentalists who expect only acts of worship to the leaders and mythological figures. The world also offers the opportunity to discover and learn the universe as is, not as we want it to be. Lastly, the spectrum of worldly girls is far larger than in a fundamentalist religion, but not everyone has the skills to get la creme dela creme. If you found your niche and is in your area of comfort, then enjoy it. Life is too short.

    One last comment: Given the state of affairs in the Watchtower, I think its "useful" life is not going to be longer than your own. Make some preparations for the imminent days of the Watchtower's decrepitude and obsolescence. Get your zealous girl while they last, and remember you have to be a ministerial servant to be worthy of a JW girl.

  • Xanthippe

    What if you marry another JW and have kids? They may grow up believing every word and wanting to pioneer. How will you tell them it's actually not the truth and stop them devoting their whole lives to it, giving up further education and the ability to earn enough money not to live in poverty? What if they get sick and need a blood transfusion?

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    " I seem to be able to handle JW girls fine. "

    if you carry on like that it wont be too long before you get booted out of the cult

  • William Penwell
    William Penwell

    You cannot continue to live a double life. I was there and done that. My ex wanted a elder pioneer husband and was never going to be that. I had to go to the meetings on Sunday and put on a false fa├žade in front of these other people I really had nothing in common with. It eventually got to me before I made my decision to leave. It is your life, do what makes you happy. No one else can tell you what you should or shouldn't do, so you do not have to listen to what anyone has to say here.

  • DesirousOfChange

    If you awakened 15 years ago and have willingly remained "in" and are continuing to "fake it", then there must be something there that you need as an individual. I see no problem with you doing what you want to do with your life. After all, it is, YOUR life.

    However, I think most here (or anywhere except the KHall) will be a bit saddened by your story. It seems that you had the opportunity to make a change in your life for the better at only 20 years of age. I reflect on your situation with that of my youngest son who was fully awakened early and at 20 years old was in college pursuing his doctorate. He has now graduated and is in a successful career earning a salary well into the 6-figures that gives him the opportunity to vastly improve the lives of his "clients". (I don't want to give away too many details that could identify our family.) Plus, he wears "fancy clothes", too. ( I just thought that was an interesting comment you made, because I brag that I have only worn a tie for funerals or weddings in the last 5 years! I have almost no occasion to wear the dozen or so business suits I still own.)

    But there is nothing that guarantees that you would be happier now if you had chosen a different path bath then. Having a happy and successful life is what nearly everyone desires. (Success differs in the eye of each individual, of course.) I hope your life will continue to be happy and you find whatever success you pursue in it. Good luck to you! . . . Doc

  • OrphanCrow
    nevaagain: Yep folks that right, I am trying to meet new girls. I seem to be able to handle JW girls fine. But worldly girls ... I feel I am not experienced enough to handle them and it is so damn easy to meet girls if you are a JW. You go to a new congregation or a an assembly and you can meet lots of girls there.

    Ah. So you are one of those men who give JW men a bad name. You troll JW assemblies and Kingdom Halls to scope out the female prospects. You do know there is a name for that?

    I totally can understand that you prefer women who are vulnerable to male advances. Women "in the world" know that they have options. No wonder worldly women scare you.

    Good luck...I hear that women are desperate in the org. You should do fine. Just look for the young and eager ones. They won't be able to tell which head it is that you are thinking with.

  • dozy

    I understand & won't blast you out. In fact - I have a relative who is not dissimilar to you. He knows it is a cult but has been a JW from infancy & his wife would probably leave him if he exited & he has too much of a social life etc to leave. He is in his 50's though , which I think is a bit different.

    He says now there is only 2 meetings a week you can duck & dive a bit - enjoy the JW lifestyle without doing much if anything in terms of tangible JW activities ( such as "privileges" , field ministry etc ) - he is in a big city congregation with 200+ publishers & constantly changing membership with students , immigrants , short term workers etc so he can easily stay off the radar.

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