I know I will get a lot of backslash on this forum for saying this, but as it looks like, I won't ever be able to escape the JWs. I have been a born in, third generation JW and awoken in one way or another (I joined this forum 15 years ago) for a very long time. But I have adapted to the JW lifestyle to a point where it does not bother me anymore. I don't feel that I am losing anything and in some ways I might be leading a double life.
I don't mind not being able to celebrate birthdays. I have no problem eating food which others prepared for birthday though, which many witnesses have a problem with. Even as a "worldly" person, I don't think I would smoke, because of the cost and the health. So what I am trying to say is, I woulnd't live any different as a worldly person.
I don't have any special priviliges in the congregation (other than occasionally reading or delivering the microphones to the ones answering). I managed to keep my preaching to a minimum.
Going to meetings is not a big hassle for me anymore. For my work I have to dress in fancy clothes anyway, so I don't lose too much time with having to change for the meeting. Also I have not prepared for a meeting for ages. I see the meetings and the conventions as a place to socialize. During my meeting I using my tablet to surf around on the internet. So I made my peace with them.
If someone followed my threads then you would know that my JW wife cheated on me and left me some months ago. So many gave me the advice to either leave or at least fade from the witnesses. But I feel way too lonely to do that. I am 36 years old now and meeting new people at this age is getting harder and harder.
Right now I am even visiting new congregations and going to extra assemblies (skipping the part where the talks are and only going to the lunch break and the end) just to meet new people. If I am in a new city because of work, I try to make it to the local congregation.
Yep folks that right, I am trying to meet new girls. I seem to be able to handle JW girls fine. But worldly girls ... I feel I am not experienced enough to handle them and it is so damn easy to meet girls if you are a JW. You go to a new congregation or a an assembly and you can meet lots of girls there.
So I guess I will continue to live a lie ... because as a worldly person right now, I would feel lonely and with the JWs as "friends" I feel a little bit less lonely.
Maybe someone can relate ... I know most won't, but thats all right :-)