Shunning - Are Mothers Most Fanatical?
Shunning a disfellowshipped child is a very odd and extremely dysfunctional family dynamic: "I will deny my earthly, fleshly child real, warm human love so that I can gain the spiritual love of my heavenly, invisible father." That is one twisted way to look at life!
I grew up in a family with a jw mother and a non-jw father. Believe me there was a lot of shunning going on from the first day of my memory of my life. I shunned my family 16 years ago....it was so great, the relief and peace. No calls, e-mails, letters, all blocked, no drop bys, no surrogate calls from other family or jws, no assemblies/conventions/memorials/weddings/funerals. At least 2/3 are dead now and the remaining ones get the drill. Sometimes it means honestly realizing it is their choice and how abusive it is and was before. I tried to do it the jw way and realized that they were the problem not me.
Your parents and family are adults and they are making this choice for themselves to protect themselves from negative consequences to themselves as jws if they keep in contact. It is everlasting life on earth over you.
I have heard of one recently DF child whose father is dying of cancer and has decided to hard core shun his child.
It reminds me of the cartoon of God cooking up the world in a big pot - adding light skinned people, big nosed people, dark people etc etc then lastly adds some " JERK" seasoning to make things interesting.
This dad is simply a jerk.
Surely the truly Christian thing would be to sacrifice your guaranteed place in paradise by NOT shunning your kid instead using your little time to try to lovingly convert him?
Should not parents put their children first? Risk the ire of God to save their child????
Its all topsy turvey for a Christian to selfishly grab at their own salvation!
When it comes to mums, women, as always, seek control when they lack it in life....unfortunately the only control a JW women has is over her kids. No matter their age. And this is why it is so stupid for mum's to shun. The WT has NOTHING TO TAKE FROM THEM if they refuse to shun. No titles or power. Well, maybe pioneer, but they won't stop you preaching those same hours if you won't shun your child. With men they can and will demote you. Women cannot be demoted because there is nowhere lower to go.
So why don't the JW mothers rise up and refuse to shun. Really what could WT do....they are the real workforce, the backbone of the org.
Remember they still believe they will lose that everlasting life....they are not out. Those of us who are out mentally and/or physically, forget how long it took us to recognizing the TTATT and then to get the courage to act. Some know TTATT in a way but do not yet give up on the everlasting life...never to see dead loved ones including children, parents, etc. That is the concept that brought many into the WTS, it will be the last one they let go of. Then they can see the WTS has nothing real to hold over them.
Those of us who are out mentally and/or physically, forget how long it took us to recognizing the TTATT and then to get the courage to act.~ Blondie
I was a lurker of this site for many, many months before I found the courage to join it. It was just "wrong" to do so. Likewise, I know quite a few (former) JWs who are out -- DFd, Inactive, -- but they still support the bOrg as "The Truth". They will still defend doctrines. They will still say that "it's not perfect, but it's the best thing going". But they still do not want to live it in their own lives.
Let's review: It's a cult!
Shunning - Are Mothers Most Fanatical?
Usually both JW Parents are Crazy JW`s..
I have found both mothers and fathers have all kinds of different views ie one mother has constant contact with df child I have seen same with father I find the older and longer parents have been Jw the softer they are on shunning.To me it's similar to a absolom and David as he got older he got wiser and more merciful I have seen others however go super hard core. Those generally are very pharisaee like. Most Jw will never see the letter that allows elders to spiritually encourage those they feel are worthy the encouragement the rest can rotate in hell.sometimes unless an elder is forced by a letter he does not give rats behind about df people.
I do agree with your statement as I have experience being shunned by my mother currently and for the past 2 years. I am not even DF or DA, just inactive. She was loving for the most part growing up, so her loyalty to the shunning arrangement did kind of shock me. I have had other jw's that are not family show more love and compassion since I have been inactive. I think women are just loyal by nature for the most part, not to mention the Org teaches that women should be submissive. Maybe for those reasons its easier to support the arrangement? just my 2 cents.
Just a thought...maybe women are more sensitive than men and it's simply too painful for them to remain connected with their wayward children. Some kids will go out of their way to show their parents how "worldly" they have become and it pains the parents to see it.
Since my wife is the "alpha male" in our marriage, I play the "emotionally disconnected" father. But the kids all know that I am always there for them.
I wanted to comment when this topic was first started....wanted to see what others thought...
I'm a female, no kids, a witness...I don't get it...there is a certain disconnect with a person who can shun their child. That parents environment may have contributed to it....
Love is something you can't turn off or on...and if you can....you a bad mudder....even Psalms says Love is as deep as death....
Parents that can shun have other issues....females, it's to please man....some females when their child does something they feel it was their fault....as some have said...single moms...sexually frustrated....
Females are emotional...not more emotional, it's how we are wired...we can get so angry that we throw ourselves into a tizzy....we gunny sack stuff...so many things that happen to us...it's not that actual situation but all others compounded....
I think the moms that are fanatical, is all for show...they say how sad it is for them.....it's for attention. I know some sisters that think it's commendable that parents shun their kid...they feel it's loyalty to Jehovah....I don't want to wish nobody nothing..but those same sisters....lets see what they say, when it's their child(s).
Again, women are emotional beings...we want to be the head of the house, then sometimes we want to be Cinderella, then a Fairy princess...we are so many things....
I don't know what it would feel like to have my mom shun me (my Mom didn't like her Dad), she a little messed up but she's ok...and did not let that keep her from loving me even when I wasn't the best child...same for my dad...middle child...you all know the story...but he was messed up but ok...I was raised by both of my parents...When I got into trouble...my dad would come rescue me...he would say, you know your mom is not reasonable...she's is the wrath of Khan....So all that to say, it's easy for me to say why worry about a parent that can shun you, if they really loved you.....blah blah blah....I can't...it wouldn't be fair...but many of us don't really know our parents and their home life....some of our parents are just damaged goods, then married another person from another home that was damaged goods....
Another question could be posed here....why when men go outside the marriage, the first thing a wife does..is use the kids as pawns....the one thing you love the most, a woman will use against the man....that's her first thought...They make sure he don't see the kids...the kids are weapons....Why ? Oh I know why...just saying....