Our own personal growth and leaving

by Mr Lebowski 32 Replies latest jw friends

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  Mr Lebowski

  First, the tee-up: Many on this board are former JWs. Former JWs fall into two categories:

  1) Those who consciously chose out, perhaps as an intellectual position, perhaps as an emotional reaction to some event, maybe while in the throes of some existential crisis.

  2) Those who blew it, and got busted for (cue music) breakin the law, breakin' the law, breakin' the law. Many of those in group number 2 have since chosen to join group number 1. Others are still wishing they never got caught. (By the way, here's an idea for you reluctant #2s: you decided to do something that got you kicked out, fairly or unfairly...it was still your choice. So...what was that about - why'd you do it?)

  So, those of you in group number one...what need were you filling while you were in the Witness Protection Program? Inclusion, acceptance, praise for good performance? And what finally got you off of the crack pipe? What changed for you? Not the story, but the back-story - what went on for you inside?

  As in, "I went out and got a job and got really good at it, and my professional accomplishment gave me enough self-esteem to walk away from the Witnesses as my only source for self-worth". Or "I had sex". Or whatever.

  Be the change you want to see in the world. Mohandas Gandhi

  Peace and compassion,

  The Dude
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  Euphemism

  Hm... interesting.

  I wouldn't exactly say that I was motivated by guilt when I was in the borg. I actually liked a lot of what I did.

  But guilt is what motivated me to follow the restrictions... and to push aside my doubts. When I finally learned to let go of my guilt, I was able to think for myself.
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  DanTheMan

  what need were you filling while you were in the Witness Protection Program? Inclusion, acceptance, praise for good performance?

  All of the above, especially acceptance. I was a child at 22, my teen years had been very painful, my fleshly family was a disaster, I was a disaster, the high I got during that first meeting at the KH was like nothing I had ever experienced.

  And what finally got you off of the crack pipe?

  Many things, the drama at the 2001 district convention ("Warning Examples for Our Day" - it should have been titled "Obey Us or DIE!!!!") was what caused the levee to finally break. I realized that it was all about them and their imagined authority.
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  talesin

  I'm of the #1 type. Was 18 years old. Born into it. Just had too much abuse (details not available, sorry) and thought - these people cannot have the truth if I can be hurt this much. Walked out - never went back.

  t
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  Mr Lebowski

  Yeah, I liked building weekend Halls - the excitement, getting to do lots of different kinds of work, getting to meet girls from other towns :)

  I liked helping older ones (I guess that is what churches are for, right?) and I liked being a Watchtower-study answer geek (I still occsionally try too hard to look smart...it was the only way to be special that was allowed in our household, but I've weaned myself from it largely). I even loved doing audio during meetings - it was a sanctioned way to distract myself, and it's ironic that I am in the audio-electronics field now.

  But I hated door-to-door. And yes, guilt was what kept me in it for years. I honestly beleived that I would kill my mom and grandma. (Mom's survived my leaving for 16 -17 years now, and our relationship is better than ever - and I'm not what killed dear old Grandma).
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  ballistic

  No, you miss those who left years later than the reason they were disfellowshipped, for reasons such as "denial" or "grey areas".
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  Dawn

  I started out as group #2. But ended up joining group #1. I started studying the bible again on my own and realized that what the JW's were teaching didn't add up with what I was reading in the bible. I think that I had been away from the JW's long enough by then to realize that I could trust my reasoning on the subject - I wasn't brain washed any longer - I could see where they had been wrong.

  #1 reason - NOONE can prove to me using the bible alone that the 144,000 of Revelation is the faithful and discrete slave of Matthew. Without that one piece the whole tower crumbles. That one doctrine must be proved entirely by the bible before I could accept anything written by the 144,000 as "inspired".
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  iiz2cool

  Group number 1.

  I didn't have any real knowledge of the bible, so I fell for the lies. When I learned of the society's position on child abuse, I got out. To me, a child abuser is a piece of shit, and so is any person or organisation that would protect one. So I couldn't remain a JW any longer. Research showed me many of the lies of the WTS and many of its other scandals.

  Walter
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  undercover

  what need were you filling while you were in the Witness Protection Program?

  Acceptance. To be accepted as a true worshipper of God. I was told that this was the only way. So I wanted to make sure that I stayed true to the course. But, no matter how hard I tried, something never felt right though. Over time, doubts crept up. Doubts that could not be overcome. Research led to another kind of acceptance. Acceptance of the fact that JWs were wrong.
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  Nosferatu

  I was in because my mother was one. I lost all interest when I was around 15 years old, and discovered that Jehovah really doesn't help you in times of need. I had to wait the whole thing out until I was 18 1/2 years old. So, I'm in category #1. There was a lot of stuff I didn't understand. Why did the world seem much more loving than the Truth? Why couldn't I have a beard and Jesus could? Why is Poison a satanic band? Why is everyone pushing me to progress? Shouldn't I be progressing because I love Jehovah? Why are the meetings so fvvvvvv boring? Why is my depression not going away? Why do I feel suicidal? Why do I hate my appearance? Why do I hate my life?

  Leaving put all these (and more) questions to rest.