Fist of all my first language is not english so i apologise for any mistakes.I am 17 my whole family is jw.I am so sick of this I cry all the time I wasted my teen years doing nothing, no friends, no parties, no going out, no fun.I am scared for my life because if i tell them they will kick me out, i have no money to move out.I am curentlly studying the bible with my mom just because i am scared to tell her that i dont want to.Please help me with some advice im begging.My life depends on this......
How to tell my parents that i dont want to be a jw?Please help, im begging...
by ihatemylife 11 Replies latest social family
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truth_b_known
Happiness does not exist outside of us.
Happiness does not come because of someone else.
Happiness does not come from a particular experience.
Happiness does not come from possessing a particular object.
Happiness is within us and is in every moment. If you cannot be happy in the now there will be no happiness.
What you are feeling is suffering from not experiencing the pleasures you desire. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is a choice. Craving and desiring pleasure leads to suffering. Believing that your life is meaningless unless you obtain something leads to suffering. That is not to say experiencing pleasure is wrong, but constantly craving it will cause mental suffering.
Find happiness in the meaning and purpose of your life. At the same time you can obtain the means to provide for yourself. Even JW parents will not object to their child pursuing the means to provide for yourself. Once you do this, by all means move out. Then you are free to do as you please.
Take some advice from an old man who was raised as one of Jehovah's Witnesses - there aren't enough drugs, alcohol, parties, and sex in the universe to satisfy craving and desire for pleasure. The real "waste of life" is failing to realize that happiness exists in every moment. That often starts with being grateful for what you do have rather than suffering mentally over what you don't have.
Do you wake up every morning in a bed inside a house with electricity and hot, running water? Be grateful.
Do you clean water to drink and food to eat? Be grateful.
Do you receive an education and have access to medical treatment? Be grateful.
The easiest way to feel better when you are feeling down is to do something for someone else. Show selfless love to others. Especially those who cannot repay you.
You are 17. Your life is just starting. I didn't get out of the Jehovah's Witness life until I was in my 30s. I don't spend time looking back at what I missed. I immerse myself in the now.
What time is it? The only correct answer to the question is "now". The past is an illusion created by the brain and the brain does a poor job at it. The future is also an illusion. Making plans for the future is pointless unless you are living in the now.
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Rocketman123
Answer : pretend (act) your involved, interested and engaged, then when you move out stop going to meetings and just say your not interested in it anymore or your beliefs are not strong enough to continue.
...........and say little else
...........and I mean little else !
The more you press arguments against the organization, the more they will repel you or shun you, this is how JWS are programmed (brainwashed)
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joe134cd
Truth_b_known - I thought that was a very beautiful piece of writing.
Always remember that freedom comes at a cost. Some who leave the JWs fail to heed this warning and very soon find themselves in some very unfavourable circumstances. Maybe through their own fault, perhaps a result of a jw up bringing,or maybe a combination of the two. I’m still undecided. One thing I can certainly tell you is that if you are leaving because of not been able to go out and party. This could very well come back and bite you. Hence I always ask the question do the reasons for leaving ,and the age at which a person leaves, effect the outcome.
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titch
To truth_b_known: Your thoughts there are reminiscent of the late Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, who, in an article written by him back in 1979 said: "There is no way to happiness, because happiness is the way." The late Dr. Leo Buscaglia used to use that quotation at the end of his lectures to large audiences. Thanks for reminding us of that concept.
Titch.
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mynameislame
Spend your time learning something that will get you out of your situation.
Lot's of colleges putting their class material online these days.
Find a job with room and board. Working on a cruise ship comes to mind but there must be others.
Start a small business, you can even say it is so you can use it to pioneer.
There's people making money on ebay by fulfilling orders using their prime membership on Amazon.
Whatever you do don't waste your money on useless stuff (like parties and drinking). Use it to make more money.
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Pete Zahut
I might have some advice for you but first I need to know:
Other than not having any fun, what are your specific reasons for not wanting to be a JW?
What is the reason you are studying with your mother?
Is your father or other family members JWs ?
What have you said about not wanting to be a JW to your parents or friends.
If you could stop being a JW tomorrow without any issues, what would you do?
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joe134cd
I was thinking about this post last night. The cost and responsibility of freedom, and how I relate to it. I have a relative that thought he could live with out rules when he left the JWs. To be fair I think he had issues even while he was JW, but certainly lived every bit of freedom. He is now addicted to drugs, homeless living in a car with a popped ignition, and all of his kids taken off him. He is in a very sorry state of affairs. Is he specifically to blame, was it the religion, or was it a combination of the two. Idk, but it’s sobering to think on.
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snare&racket
My advice is to make real, practical steps depending on the answers to some questions. Let's be honest and straight about your situation.....ask yourself....
What are the chances your parents will change their beliefs?
What are the chances of a good relationship with family if you leave JW's?
Where will you live, how will you take care of yourself if they shun you?
Most people here have been shunned and rejected by family, so we have advice based on real life expeirnces, of family abandonment and the loss of support networks. Most JW's are going to follow the rules snd shun even their children if they 'stop believing'. From experience, many here will tell you that even your closest, desrest friends, will abandon you surprisingly quickly. Even friEnde you have know your whole life.
Now ask what matters most to you? Being honest, living a truthful life, or an easier more comfortable life, but living a lie? ....... this is the big decision you have to make, you alone!.
TRUTH v COMFORT.
If you decide truth matters so much more to you, that you can't live a lie and remain a JW, then you must prepsre now for a post-JW life. I would advise you prepare for the worst but obviously hope for the best,
You don't yet realise how fortunate you are to see the facade and untruths of the JW's at such a young age, Imagine being a JW your whole life and figuring it out at age 85, or even 65 or even 40! Youth gone, life decisions made, opportunities lost. At your age, just 17 you are young enough to start your life over two or three more times! Also, well done to you for realisjng it isn't true at such a young age, most JW's never dare to even doubt!
So what PRACTICAL steps can you make?
Have a time frame and a plan in mind and you MUST try to stick to it, no matter what! If one night you and your family get emotional and you admit your feelings about the JW's, literally anything could happen, including being kicked out. I saw it happen a few times growing up in JW's.
So have a plan and time frame!
My advice would be to pick a route/career in higher education. Education is perfect for people leaving the JW's, it provides social support with people also 'starting over' in a new area, new life'. Depending on country, your gov may provide several years of loans for accommodation, food and study. Work hard, get your qualifications and support yourself financially.
So how to do this? First have a career in mind that you are interested or passionate about. Go online, look at university entrance requirements for those careers, check to make sure you have the grades for it. If you don't have the grades yet, that is ok, spend this next year getting those grades in night classes or any way you ca so you can apply as soon as possible. Even if it is a year or teomyears away, it's a plan! It will work! If you can't think of a specific career for higher education, choose a useful topic to get a degree in, physics, maths, economics, business, law, engineering, IT.... etc etc
If education is 100% not for you then you need a job lined up, that will support you financially and you need to start doingbthe calculations as soon as you can just in case they find out how you feel soon.
Lastly, consider family that aren't JW's. Do you have any? Would they support you for a few years, whilst getting a job and accommodation or through higher education?
It can be done, I felt my world crumble when I told the elders how I really felt about the JW's.....friends and most family were suddenly very far away. I felt very alone on a very big planet,
I did a year of high school grades (aged 26) then got into universitu for a 6 year degree. I went from being a window cleaner, pioneer, bethelite, with no prospects, no home, no money and almost overnight no friends and few family....... to now being a university lecturer, a medical doctor and I get married this year.
Make a plan, stick to it. It will be hard, lonely snd emotional, but you can survive this.
Truth or Comfort...... hard decision.
Snare x
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OnTheWayOut
It sounds like you are not baptized. DO NOT GET BAPTIZED. No matter what, don't do it.
Others may have good advice about what to say to your mom, but DO NOT GET BAPTIZED.