Are single sisters happier?

by Esmeralda001 50 Replies latest jw experiences

  • LisaRose
    Thank you for your answer. I am sorry that you were trapped in an unhappy marriage for so long! The WT society advises young people to wait until they are mature enough before making such a big life commitement. May I ask you why you married so young? Did your parents agree with your choice?

    Many factors contributed. At the time we were told that Armageddon was imminent, I married in 1973, the big A was supposed to happen in 1975, and the religion taught at the time that after Armageddon people were going to not marry, so if you didn't get hitched before then, no sex for you. It was silly and I was very, very immature. Of course you should wait until you are mature to marry, but college was not permitted, so my options were to get a job and live at home (young, single women were discouraged from living on their own) or get married. I was painfully shy and still under eighteen and couldn't get a job at the time (McDonald's didn't hire women then) so I was desperate to get out of the house, my mom had terrible mood swings and was borderline abusive, she saw me as a failure and was hyper critical of everything I did. She once slapped me in the face she caused a severe nose bleed.

    Like many young women, I saw marriage as a ticket to adult hood. Of course people act different when they are dating, but I admit I closed my eyes to some signs he was selfish and fairly immature himself. But the question is, do you let someone suffer for years because they made a foolish mistake? Did I have to be punished because I was a silly teen aged girl? Surprisingly my parents did not oppose it, although I am sure they had their reservations. My ex was newly baptized, he had a past and had done some horrible things, like dealing drugs, but was trying to shape up. But they were friends of his parents, and I think they thought it was my best option. Within six months my ex stopped going to meetings, in a few years he was disfellowshipped. I slogged on with the religion by myself. He also couldn't keep a job, he had probably twenty or thirty jobs in the twenty eight years we were married, I lost count, it might have been more. My mother confessed to me that she wanted to tell me to leave him "but of course I couldn't". That just made me mad, if I had had any sympathy or encouragement I would have left him in a heartbeat. I would have gladly lived celibate for the rest of my life, but by the time I did finally leave, the stupidity of the whole thing made me lose my faith in the religion. We don't live in bible times where a woman is stoned if she is raped (but only if she lives in the city, cause she should have screamed) or where it can be fixed by a forced marriage and twenty sheep given to the father. The bible reflected the morality of the time, not universal truly the that are the only way to be.

    Divorce may not be the ideal, but it is a reality. You could even call it a sin, but why do you have to disfellowship people because they left an intolerable situation? I am not the only person forced out because of this. Others manage to manipulate the system and get a convenient divorce, but I couldn't lie and be that much of a hypocrite. I knew a man that claimed his invalid wife confessed to adultery, he got a divorce and married his wife's (much younger) caretaker and stayed an elder. It happens, and they get away with it, especially if it's the man who makes the claim. Others have their JW spouse leave them because they left the religion, even though it's technically not grounds for divorce.

  • Garrett

    I personally believe that the witnesses have a very unconventional approach to dating which leads to unhappy marriages.

    Relationships in the org are too serious. Or perhaps that's just how I view them. Everything you do and say is monitored either by you, the person you're dating or those around you. You can't truly be yourself nor express how you truly feel without worries of consequences. I remember a brother in my old hall who was holding hands with his girlfriend for too long...he ended up getting reproved because of it which is utter nonsense.

    Relationships also seem to be too rushed. People seem way too worried about marriage and whether the other is good enough "spiritually".

    I gave up on dating and love until I quit the org and met a girl that I'm starting to fall for. While I think she's amazing and I really want everything to work, I have this voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me it won't. Why? Because of the brothers and sisters in the organization that were always telling me not to date, to stay single, to marry in the truth. I suppose that out of all the things I've rid myself of regarding the org, I haven't been able to come to grips with this issue.

    Anyways, I believe that, in the moment, single sisters aren't happier because they want something but, in the future will become unhappier when they are married. If that makes sense.

    Aussi, bonne chance ma chère amie :)

  • BeautifulMind
    I think it depends on if you want to be single or if you are single because you are waiting for Mr. Spiritual. Me personally, I loved being single because I wasn't looking to get married any time soon, I was enjoying traveling and just having a good time in the single life. I dated of course, which was cool. I did know when I was ready I didn't want to marry a holier than thou brother because for 1, I wasn't super spiritual myself. And also through my experience they ended up being jerks and just used their titles to get sisters. So Im fortunate because I ended up meeting a brother who had the same mindset as me and we have great chemistry and a great time with each other. We have been happily married for 11 years now. So yeah, I think it depends on the sister and what she wants. I knew what I wanted and refused to be stuck in a bland, family worship, org-dictated filled marriage. No thanks!
  • Esmeralda001


    Am I to understand that women are never happy no matter what? Ayayaye (mom' voice).

    Je te souhaite une longue et heureuse vie de couple, mon cher! xox

    @Beautiful Mind

    I want to remain unmarried because i'm confortable with my status. I'm addicted to the peace I get from being single. There is so much room for personal growth and self-discovery in singleness. I am more productive today than I was a year ago when I had a lover and was distracted as a result.. I want it to stay that way.

    If I were to date a man in the org, I'd go for a brother with a good heart. I don't care if he is a publisher, pioneer or what not . Title don't impress me. Women who, like myself, are not considered to be sprirutual according to the WT's standards should actually stay away from the "spiritually strong" brothers.

    I like your mindset, my dear!

  • Garrett
    No, not at all! Within the religion, I think most are happier single, but don't realise it until it's too late due to being blinded by the desire of companionship.
  • Finkelstein

    Personal choices as they may be there is no doubting the fact that JWS religion disables people from acquiring happy fulling relationships. To be realized some of those that have occurred have been somewhat stable and they have sustained themselves over the years, but what the WTS doesn't openly reveal that it has indirectly caused a lot of relationships to fail (Divorce), The Divorce rate among JWS is closely adhered to the average in most countries. 30 to 40 %

    It encourages people to get married when they are quite young, due to its sexual restrictions and cohabitation rules.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim


    Yeah, I do agree 100% of what you say. The shallowness of what women in the Borg look for in ''titles''. A true woman looks for what's in a man's heart, not the shallowness in the Borg of ''titles'' and status. That's why there are a lot of single sisters in the Borg, because all of them want some sort of ''titles'' or status in the Borg. True shallowness and narrow-minded people. It just can't be the ''Truth''.

  • Clambake

    Marry whoever you want. They will get over it in time.

    Plus it also puts some distance between you and the ubers.

    I think secretly my wife is glad I am not in. It protects my son from the blood issue. Some elder isn't going to talk him into being a pioneer/janitor the rest of his wife. I am not going to beat the crap out of her and pull the headship card either and accuse her of not being a good dub.

  • Beth Sarim
    Beth Sarim
    There was an article posted somewhere a few weeks ago, can't remember where it was, MSN or CNN or something. But never before in history are women more independent than now as being single and not needing a man/mate and being successful at it too. Not so much for males, these days in fact the contrary, health issues in mid-life like diabetes, high-blood pressure and obesity because of not having a mate resulting in poor diet.
  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    Two sons, the oldest have been single for over 15 years (45 years old). The youngest

    son married two years ago (37 years old). The elder son having a hard time, the youngest

    is doing great. So my point, marriage have been great for my son I use to worry about

    him. My oldest, he have a lot of female friends he dates but no commitments. He tells me

    he is having a great time, but I don't think so. I told him, you will never find that perfect mate, you are not perfect.

    Hell get married and give me some more grand-kids, and stop trying to be a playboy.

    Beth Sarim: If I had kept my life style after leaving the borg I don't believe I would be here today.

    The best thing for me, the woman I'm with today, my ex-JW wife cause me a lot of health issues.

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