Still feel weird about things....

by FeelingFree 31 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • FeelingFree

    So I'm loving the fact that my little one gets to be a "normal" child and take part in everything at school. However I still have that stupid niggling in the back of my head that she shouldn't be doing it and it's wrong etc.

    At the moment she is rehearsing for the nativity play and keeps singing the songs at home (she is going to be an angel!) I was really pleased to start off with but for some reason it made me feel weird and sick this morning. It's not because I still believe JW teachings or anything, in fact I hate all things JW!

    What's strange is I was never a super dub either and always had issues so I really don't understand why this is. She keeps singing about baby Jesus and "don't you know we love you, please don't cry" so maybe I have a stupid fear of her becoming religious or something.

    I don't know....... I just wish I could get it all out of my head, I obviously haven't moved on as much as I would like. Plus I still come on this site to read pretty much every single day. I would love to not care enough and to be totally free but I guess that never really happens when your not d/a, d/f'd and you have family still in. I'm too nervous to put any crimbo decorations up for fear of what will happen and I absolutely HATE feeling like this.

    I know it's all the mind and in reality I can do whatever I like but these barriers are getting me down.

    Stupid f#*#ing cult.

  • Xanthippe

    Aw I still have lovely memories of my little girl looking beautiful as an angel with tinsel around her long blond hair in the nativity play at school. Don't worry about your daughter, she'll have a great time. It's just fun to them at that age, play-acting. My daughter is an atheist now, even though she was Mary in one nativity play at school. We have to let them join in to feel a normal part of human society but if you don't take them to church or continue talking about religion it all just fades away as part of their childhood. Just as its part of humanity's childhood.

    The negative feelings you have from joining in with the holidays will fade. It's just the cult programming being triggered. Remember the brain is programmed by learning that some things are good and other things are dangerous. Depending on who tells us about the nature of the danger of course! It's an evolutionary survival mechanism. If you don't keep reinforcing the programming it does fade gradually and your authentic self will take over as you make positive decisions to do things you truly want to do. Have fun!

  • Oubliette

    That "niggling" is your Pavlovian cult conditioning.

    It eventually goes away.

    Welcome to the rest--and the best--of your life!

  • KateWild

    I understand if you're not df'd or da'd you can be looking over your shoulder a lot and wondering if a family member will tell an elder for your own good.

    But you can't live your life waiting to get caught out. Having Christmas decorations is not doing something wrong. It's a bit of fun.

    Do what you feel comfortable doing and don't be controlled by others.

    Kate xx

  • FeelingFree

    Thanks everyone, I just have to push through these mental blocks that keep occurring. It's been 17 months so I guess I still have some healing to do.

    It's crazy how it keeps it's grip on you even when your done with it. I just want to enjoy everything now we are able to! Definitely don't want my daughter to pick up on any weirdness and negativity that I might accidently project.

    She will make a lovely angel haha any tips on costume making??!

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    FEELINGFREE - your feelings are only natural - you've exited from a group which dictates how you're expected to behave, and come into "normal" society which does the same!

    From very young childhood onwards, pressure is applied in most cultures to conform and follow the crowd - to do otherwise makes a person stand out as "different", and nobody wants to be different - especially kids!

    Christmas is almost certainly the world's #1 religious festival which makes people feel compelled to participate in - in one way or another, because not to do so may make the person a target for ridicule by their peers.

    Atheists and many non-Christians happily share in this festival - but not for any reasons connected with the alleged birthdate of Jesus Christ. For the vast majority, it is simply a time to make more money, spend more money, and to party. Others say that it's a good time for families to get together. Many businesses need Christmas to survive. If it didn't exist, they'd create it!

    To be even-handed and show that it's not just the WTBTS who pull the wool over their adherent's eyes, here are a few scriptures to demonstrate how Christendom's religions "alter" the Bible's account for their own benefit:

    Matthew chapter 2 (New Living Translation)

    1 "Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the reign of King Herod. About that time some wise men [royal astrologers/Magi] from eastern lands arrived in Jerusalem..."

    2 "Where is the newborn king of the Jews? We saw his star as it rose, and we have come to worship him."

    (Jesus was born in Bethlehem, but "God" led these detestable men (Deut. 18:10) by means of a "star" to a different city - Jerusalem - to an evil king who wanted to kill Jesus His son? The wise men should have used a sat-nav instead)

    3 When Herod the king had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him.

    (All Jerusalem was troubled - because these men were detestable to God!)

    7 "Then Herod called for a private meeting with the wise men, and he learned from them the time when the star first appeared."

    (Why did Herod call for a "private" meeting with these astrologers? Because the Jews would have rioted at their king's consulting such detestable men)

    9 "After this interview the wise men went their way. And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was."

    11 "They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him."

    (Finally, the "star" heads to Bethlehem, but the Magi don't see a baby in a manger - they see a young child in a house!)

    12 "When it was time to leave, they returned to their own country by another route, for God had warned them in a dream not to return to Herod."

    (So God led them to Herod, but now changed His mind about giving him Jesus' location?)

    16 "Herod was furious when he realized that the wise men had outwitted him. He sent soldiers to kill all the boys in and around Bethlehem who were two years old and under, based on the wise men’s report of the star’s first appearance."

    (Herod knew that Jesus must have been born during the previous 12-24 months)

    Maybe Westerners will take up Ramadan & Yom Kippur.

  • FeelingFree
    Good points there Searcher. Thanks 😊
  • eyeuse2badub

    Shaking the shackles of a cult takes time. But it's worth every minute!

    just saying!


  • DisArmed


    We all deal differently with exiting the cult. But what seems to be common among us is that as time goes by we think less of Wally World and more of the real world. Eventually WW isn't even a fleeting thought. Hang in there it just keeps getting better and better.

  • blondie
    I was talking to my hubbie yesterday as we decorate the house for Chirstmas. He did not grow up a jw. We do up a small list of what we would like for a gift and we pick one or two to get so it is still a surprise. I remember my mother saying to our non-jw neighbors and relatives that she did not have to wait till Christmas to get me and my brothers a gift. That was true in the sense she never got us a gift, ever, for any reason. If we had toys it was because we bought them out of the birthday money my non-jw grandmother sent us. I love giving gifts now and I don't wait just till Christmas to do it either. I learned love from the non-jw friends in our family.

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