LifesNotOver

rebel8

I don't want to spend much more time on fading or whatever, I want to start living and stop pretending I'm just "so depressed"

This is a very important thing you've said. You can do this. Stop saying you're depressed and stop pretending you are. Go about being happy as much as you can. You can still play the "discouraged" one, which will not be dishonest at all.

I need counselling, don't know where to get it.

How about asking your primary care provider for a referral? Yellow pages? Online government registries of licensed professionals? Insurance company referral lines or provider directories?

https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/

LisaRose

Don't assume your husband would make your life miserable if you simply disassociated, maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't, but don't let his bad behavior control you. He doesn't like it and he will do whatever he can to stop it, but what can he realistically do to you if you actually did it? Sometimes the threat of something is more scary to people than the actual fact if it, he might calm down once he realizes that you are going to do what you are going to do. It's your life and marriage of course, but I can say I lived too long in a bad situation because my first husband made things difficult and threatened all kinds of things that I realize now he would never have done, he was just afraid of losing me. If I had it to do over again I would have left years earlier and gotten on with my life.

Cangie

LifesNotOver...You are not in denial, in fact you are getting a reality check. You realized the truth about your relationship 12 years ago, when you ran away. Although desperate, it was a brave action to take, but you found the strength to do what you had to do at that time, and you will again if you have to.

As far as counseling, please google the number and address of your nearest Crime Victims Council, or Victims Services Organization, and ask if they have therapy sessions available for you. I receive counseling with the Crime Victims Council, and it is free. They also provide advocacy and support for people who have to go to court, and they might be able to connect you with other support groups or even temporary housing if you choose to leave. At any rate, get help from professionals who will help you create an "escape plan" in case it becomes necessary. If more immediate action is required, go to your nearest emergency room at the local hospital, and tell them that you are being abused. It is now required that hospitals and many doctors offices screen patients for abuse/domestic violence, and they will have you speak to a Social Worker or DV counselor to access services. There is so much out there to offer you help. You never have to live a miserable life with an abuser, just waiting for him to die. Whatever you do, DO NOT tell the JW's what you are planning to do, and NEVER trust elders or anyone else at the KH to help you with your problems. Move quietly and swiftly and use the services of people who can actually help you.

zeb

For counselling go to your doctorfor a recommendation. or local phone book but seek a counsellor who has had experience with culs, ask the up front.

"There is a limit to the extent to which you can spiritually prostitute yourself."--anon.

Worldling9

Is he just an old blow hard? All bark and no bite? Just trying to get a sense of how he really is...not to say that his behavior hasn't been abusive...It has and he needs to check himself. You have a right to choose your own path, whether it is a spiritual one or not, and whether he likes it or not. I like the idea of calmly stating that you no longer consider yourself one of JWs, for personal reasons. You don't need any help from the elders and you won't accept any sheperding calls. For personal reasons. You owe no one any explanation. Period. No need for raised voices; your decision has been made. Therapy will give you tools to handle your marital situation in the way that's best for you...and don't be afraid to vent with us. The feelings you're expressing are valid and valued.

Hugs,

wl9

Listener

Lifesnotover, I am sorry to hear that you are in a difficult position at the moment. Although your posts show some signs of depression I wouldn't call it that, it's more like a situation where you are in a rut and trying to figure how to get out.

That's the good thing about your posts and you are obviously doing a lot of reflection. That's why our emotions go up and down, we just have to be care not to let things swallow us up when we are in a down.

I think it's awful that your husband calls you an apostate witch, being called an apostate is bad enough but a witch is really bad and is a reflection of his own problems. Try and rise above him and become impervious to his bad mouthing.

You will find yourself in a better place if you keep searching for a solution, that's really great and the best thing that you can do for yourself.

Hey everyone - I want you to know I keep pouring over your notes to me and want you to know how very much you're touching me and helping me and strengthening me. I feel the love!I have to make this quick because my husband's just left the house to go and quit his job (nothing to do with all of this) so he'll be back soon and around the house all the time, affording me very little privacy. Dang it!

I'm looking into getting professional help. There's online help at Crisis Centre, I went on and had a quick online chat with a counsellor yesterday and she directed me to a couple of affordable counselling places. Said there's lots of help out there for me, I just have to reach out for it.

That's it for now - love you guys! Lifes not over!

FayeDunaway

Best wishes for survival when he is home all the time! Hopefully he finds another job SOON! Meanwhile utilize the library to come talk to us sometimes.

My husband used to yell a lot when we were witnesses, now he is much calmer and happier. He felt a lot of pressure back then. But I feel like in your case and what he has said to you, there is definitely a lack of love and respect. Glad you've contacted counseling services, and start saving and socking sway some money in case you decide you've had enough.

James Jack

First of all, I have enjoyed the 4 Posts you have written!!!

However, I believe you are being too hard on yourself. It's funny, in some ways my life mirrors yours. My wife attends about 25% of the Meetings, I about 75%. Anytime I share my research with her , she gets upsets and makes an extra effort to go to the meetings.

So what I am trying to say is, don't mention your findings to him. From what I remember, he used to miss a lot of Meetings until you started sharing things with him. If you leave him alone , he will probably slide back to little activity.

My best time with my wife is that every evening we have a mix drink(trying out many new ones), Go for a walk or work in the garden together, then switch to a glass of Red Wine, try out a new dinner meal she has found and then watch a TV Program or Movie, go to Bed and do it all over again the next day!

No arguments, no fussing, everything on the upside. Also, we have a Camper and go out 4 different weeks (5 days each) during the Summer months and don't go to any Meetings while we are on Vacation. No ruff camping either, I even bring my Satellite TV Receiver with me!

LifesNotOver - Part Four

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