Office Jargon, drives me nuts
I would get growlly a few years back when everyone wanted to "touch base"...(just writing that was irritating)
how about GATHERINGS! god forbid you say Party.
Just so you guys know these terms are all generated from the tech world. You guys are just now hearing about them is all. Been in the game for a while actually.
Ping - email me when you're back.
Granular - Used when describing a class, query etc gives greater control over something.
Leverage - Utilizing one tool to extend another. (hate this one with a passion)
Monetize - How to take an application and now start making money with it.
Prosumer - The consumer that's more or elite than the next guy.
Push - Dual meaning. Could be uploading changes of your work or to move an appointment to another time.
Convergence - Converging things together to make a viable product or service.
Hard Stop - Have to break off our meeting at this time no exceptions.
Scalable - This product will scale nicely at any size from startup to public offering.
Future Proof - Something that will still be viable and good in the future.
Touch Points - Times where you've discussed the project.
Touches - Usually used to suggest we haven't had enough touch points or conversation.
...there are plenty more but just a few to further make your nervous tick go haywire.
There's an Engineer in my office who uses the term "Burn" when he's referring to making a photocopy of something.
" I need to " burn " a copy of this"
When I first started working there he asked me if I could "burn" him an extra set of the drawings I wanted him to review.
Like the natural born smart ass that I am, I told him I'd have them ready as soon as the mimeograph machine was all warmed up.
He just looked at me kind of quizzically and continues to use the term "burn" to this day.
"Now team, lets think-tank this concept to create a succession table of focal points that we can aim our resources at in unison!"
"Is everyone on-board with this paradigm shift of centralised agendas?"
One of my favs "let's table this". As in we can't come to a decision or there isn't enough information so we'll "table" it for a future time.
Oh punk, just not a "team player" are we. Doesn't matter what you think, "there is no I in team."
I hear the "granular" thing all the time.
"elegant solution" instead of "better way"
"ad hoc" instead of "occasionally"
It makes people feel they are evolved and distinct.
In real terms between a rock and hard place far be from me to point out that the solid core of this matter is that the hard graft being done at the coal face renders the team players being left in a cleft stick whether to approach this matter dynamically or in a subtle interference way to clarify the main goal......oh...........aaargh!