spiritual crisis

by indi7 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  indi7

  Greetings,

  Two years ago I had a kundalini experience. I felt energy or chi pulsate through each of my chakras, from the base of the spine to the crown of the head, then back, after that I felt like a newborn for three days. I felt like I was reborn spiritually and God gave me a new name - Indi. At the same time I began hearing a voice that told me it was God, and it also guided all my actions (when the presence was strong).

  So for two years I thought I was hearing God. Sometimes it told me things about the future, and sometimes they came true. But lately, the voice of God started telling me lies that did not come true. I asked it "why are you telling me lies?" and it said "Apparently I am not GOd, I am just a voice inside, and I have been lying to you for two years".. I was devastated..

  I don't know what to think anymore, I don't even know if God exists. I am having a spiritual crisis. if He exists, I really need proof of Him.. I want to know if He exists.

  I want to understand what is this voice that tells me it is God, how come it feels different, and the words come from a deep meditation? and what is this force or energy (of this voice) that when strong guides all my movements and thoughts?

  It's quite hard now, I am devastated, desperate to understand... I don't know if I can live without God.. I want to understand what is all this? Is all a big lie? A trick of my own mind? How do I KNOW if God is real?
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  stan livedeath

  i feel the same when i get pissed.
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  GoneAwol

  "I felt energy or chi pulsate through each of my chakras, from the base of the spine to the crown of the head, then back, after that I felt like a newborn for three days."

  .....you went and gave an electrical wall socket a wet willy, didn't you?
  
  
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  Crazyguy

  Consider this. I have a relative that has a condition where their nerves are miss firing and the brain is broken in that way too. A totally normal person except they get these phantom sensations though out their body. Mostly pain, excruciating pain, like feeling as though someone has just chopped off your leg or your body has been dipped into battery acid or a body part stabbed with a knife. Its not just pain, body organs don't work properly and start to atrophy. This persons lungs will just stop working at times neither taking in air or expelling it. The pain of this condition and one other has made doctors re-do the pain scale that was from 1-10 now to 1-50. The feeling of wanting to kill yourself because of the pain is at about the low 30s on the scale. Loosing all your senses ,taste, smell, eye sight etc, and passing out do to the pain is near 50. This person has been to 50. They often go into uncontrollable spasms as their body freaks out in pain. Doctors have no cure and all treatments by western medicine is a joke! Most of these people are bed ridden or are in wheel chairs and end up killing themselves do to the excruciating pain.

  This person and their family is devote JW's, yet where is Jehovah in all this. This person is a child a beautiful wonderful loving child. Yet where is god in all this??? This person suffers beyond belief and yet again where is GOD or JESUS in all of THIS? They are supposed to be all about LOVE yet where in the HELL ARE THEY IN ALL OF THIS?

  I have more love in my left nut then all the gods in the universe because if I had the power I would fix this child even if it meant my own life to do so! So the next time your thinking about where god is know that he's not thinking about where you are!
  
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  Gefangene

  Have you seen a shrink? You may be on the wrong meds :-/
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  cofty

  I would encourage you to have an honest conversation with a sympathetic doctor. There are lots of medical and emotional reasons why you might believe you have heard voices.
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  Brokeback Watchtower

  I would go for a Jungian interpretation of this voice. Jung did a lot of work in the form of "active Imagination" and this might help you if you do a little research on this subject.

  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_imagination

  Active imagination is a cognitive methodology that uses the imagination as an organ of understanding. Disciplines of active imagination are found within various philosophical, religious and spiritual traditions. It is perhaps best known in the West today through C. G. Jung's emphasis on the therapeutic value of this activity.
  Carl Gustav Jung[edit]
  As developed by Carl Jung between 1913 and 1916, active imagination is a meditation technique wherein the contents of one's unconscious are translated into images, narrative or personified as separate entities. It can serve as a bridge between the conscious 'ego' and the unconscious and includes working with dreams and the creative self via imagination or fantasy. Jung linked active imagination with the processes of alchemy in that both strive for oneness and inter-relatedness from a set of fragmented and dissociated parts. This process found expression for Jung in his Red Book.
  Key to the process of active imagination is the goal of exerting as little influence as possible on mental images as they unfold. For example, if a person were recording a spoken visualization of a scene or object from a dream, Jung's approach would ask the practitioner to observe the scene, watch for changes, and report them, rather than to consciously fill the scene with one's desired changes. One would then respond genuinely to these changes, and report any further changes in the scene. This approach is meant to ensure that the unconscious contents express themselves without overbearing influence from the conscious mind. At the same time, however, Jung was insistent that some form of participation in active imagination was essential: 'You yourself must enter into the process with your personal reactions...as if the drama being enacted before your eyes were real'.[11]
  Of the origin of active imagination, Jung wrote:
  "It was during Advent of the year 1913 – December 12, to be exact – that I resolved upon the decisive step. I was sitting at my desk once more, thinking over my fears. Then I let myself drop. Suddenly it was as though the ground literally gave way beneath my feet, and I plunged into the dark depths." [12]
  Further explaining its origination, Jung describes his conclusion that active imagination spawns from the desires and fantasies of the unconscious mind, which ultimately want to become conscious. But once they are realized by the individual, dreams may become "weaker and less frequent" whereas they may have been quite vivid and recurring beforehand.[13]
  Carl Jung developed this technique as one of several that would define his distinctive contribution to the practice of psychotherapy. Active imagination is a method for visualizing unconscious issues by letting them act themselves out. Active imagination can be done by visualization (which is how Jung himself did it), which can be considered similar in technique at least to shamanic journeying. Active imagination can also be done by automatic writing, or by artistic activities such as dance, music, painting, sculpting, ceramics, crafts, etc. Jung considered indeed that 'The patient can make himself creatively independent through this method...by painting himself he gives shape to himself'.[14] Doing active imagination permits the thoughtforms of the unconscious, or inner 'self', and of the totality of the psyche, to act out whatever messages they are trying to communicate to the conscious mind.
  For Jung however, this technique had the potential not only to allow communication between the conscious and unconscious aspects of the personal psyche with its various components and inter-dynamics, but also between the personal and 'collective' unconscious; and therefore was to be embarked upon with due care and attentiveness. Indeed, he warned with respect to '"active imagination"...The method is not entirely without danger, because it may carry the patient too far away from reality'.[15] The post-Jungian Michael Fordham was to go further, suggesting that 'active imagination, as a transitional phenomenon ...can be, and often is, both in adults and children put to nefarious purposes and promotes psychopathology. This probably takes place when the mother's impingements have distorted the 'cultural' elements in maturation and therefore it becomes necessary to analyse childhood and infancy if the distortion is to be shown up.'[16]
  In partial answer to this critique, James Hillman and Sonu Shamdasani discuss at length the dangers of viewing active imagination solely as an expression of personal content, and propose that the technique is most easily misunderstood and misdirected when applied to the strictly biographical, and never used to bridge the personal with the wider human heritage of the living and the dead. Instead, they suggest, active imagination in Jung's usage was an exposition of the unvoiced influences of the collective unconscious, shedding the terminology of psychology to work directly through mythic images:
  SS: ... In reflecting on himself, he does not come across at rock bottom his own personal biography, but it's an attempt to uncover the quintessentially human. These dialogues are not dialogues with his past, as you're indicating [...] But with the weight of human history. [...] And this task of discrimination is what he spent the rest of his life engaged in. Yes, in some sense what happened to him was wholly particular but, in the other sense, it was universally human and that generates his project of the comparative study of the individuation process. [17]
  Active imagination removes or highlights traits and characteristics that are often also present in dream, and without a broader perspective, the person working with active imagination may start to see them as their own traits.[18]Thus in this continuing effort to stress the importance of what Maslow would come to call the transpersonal, much of Jung's later work was conceived as a comparative historical study of the active imagination and the individuation process in various cultures and epochs, conceived as a normative pattern of human development and the basis of a general scientific psychology.
  Rudolf Steiner[edit]
  Rudolf Steiner suggested cultivating imaginative consciousness through meditative contemplations of texts, objects, or images. The resulting imaginal cognition he believed to be an initial step on a path leading from rational consciousness toward ever-deeper spiritual experience.[19]:302–311
  The steps following Imagination he termed Inspiration and Intuition. In Inspiration, a meditant clears away all personal content, including even the consciously chosen content of a symbolic form, while maintaining the activity of imagination itself, and thus becomes able to perceive the imaginal realm from which this activity itself stems. In the next step, Intuition, the meditant leverages the connection to the imaginal or angelic realm established via the cognitive imagination, while releasing the images mediated via this connection. By ceasing the activity of imaginative consciousness while allowing one’s awareness to remain in contact with the archetypal realm, the possibility opens up for an awareness deeper than the imaginal to be conveyed to the open soul by the mediating agents of this realm.[20]

  NN
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  fukitol

  Please tell us a bit more about yourself indi, and how you came to have your kundalini experience. Are you a former JW? I notice it's your first post on this forum.
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  redpilltwice

  
  

  So many questions. I feel sorry for your struggle indi7, but... holy crap!! And I really thought I'd heard it all ...stumbled upon this full-blown-kundalini-awakening story on the net. You can't make this shit up:

  Then it happened!
  A bolt of lightning
  Out of nowhere a megalithic wave of energy surged from the base of my spine up through the central core of my body and out through the crown of my head. A bolt of energetic 'lightning' sent my entire body into a huge convulsion (somewhat like you'd imagine if someone had died and been brought back to life with a paramedic defibrillator machine!). From lying in a relaxed position, my entire body tensed into the height of rigidity as I was thrown upwards and then immediately collapsing into a heap on the floor. It was as if every cell of my being had been fiercely squeezed out.
  Clearly once was not enough - this happened seven times in rapid succession. Each time I'd experience a bolt of lightning from the base through to and beyond the crown accompanied with an involuntary convulsion, throughout my entire physical body. The last vestiges of the 'me' that I thought I was were being shattered, whilst my entire being was infused with universal life energy.
  My world was shattered
  It was totally exhausting! This event didn't come with a text book explanation so initially I felt major disorientation. It's not every day that you have seven 'lightning bolts' shoot through your body after all! It's not the type of thing that you learn about in high school. Before to the experience, I had no concept in my brain about kundalini energy. At the time, all I knew was that it was exceptionally powerful and a defining moment in the journey of my spiritual evolution.
  My whole frame of relating to the world had been shattered again (it had happened once before in previous years during my Awakening, although the universe had deemed that I was not at that time ready for a full blown kundalini activation). My body felt peculiar. I struggled to understand that it had anything to do with 'me', unsure how I was able to move my limbs. When I did, I observed with astonished fascination as if it were the first time I'd been infused into a physical body! Gazing into the mirror in the bathroom was really puzzling. I didn't recognise my own image! In fact "Who are you?" was about the only sentence I could muster for a while.
  Soul infusion
  Over the next few weeks I encountered constant experiences of soul infusion and spiritual intensity. The journey took me through a myriad of different practicalities providing an first hand education into the intricacies of kundalini awareness.
  On one day I would experience the left side of my body become infused with darkness, whilst the right side would be infused of the purest light. As I learned to embrace it all, the lessons came thick and fast. Without judgement, I would rise through each spiritual encounter as non-identified pure presence, turning each page of the cosmic library with lightning purpose.
  On another day I would experience intertwining columns of light rise up my spine as the universe dissolved from around me. There would be intense surges of electrifying energy that served to show me any internal blockages within my bodily vehicles (of which I learned that we have quite a few).
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  Diogenesister

  Sure you don't mean KUNILINGUS experience?