by Hobbittz 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Hobbittz

    I am head over heels in love with a man who was raised JW. I believe he is fighting demons, however, and is torn between what his heart wants to do, his beliefs, his depression & lack of self confidence. He has had 2 wives. One he divorced many yrs ago, the 2nd one deserted him and they never lived together anyway, but he is still bound to on paper. And although we have stolen moments, confirmed our love for each other, and made love, he still bears this overwhelming guilt that holds him...US...back from enjoying life together. I am committed to this man heart & soul But I dont know what to do to help him. Advice?

    And please dont say RUN. I tried already and it just didnt work.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Well if you won't run and want to try to extract him - which will be hard because it's been poured into him since a child - go to and educate yourself. He may have more problems than just being a JW tho. Counseling is the way to go.

  • zeb

    'Counselling is the way to go.'.. deal with issues NOW.

    and find a counsellor who is experienced with cults...please!

  • Vanderhoven7

    I see so many red flags here all of which you seem willing to ignore. How sure are you that he is still married or was ever married to woman number two. Has he tried to secure a divorce? If not, why? Would he be willing to let you get in touch with wife 2 with that object in mind?

    If he is unwilling to file for divorce himself on the grounds of desertion, where does that leave you?

    A person who is a JW or believes in the religion will always feel guilt about having intimate relations with someone who is not his wife. If he loves you he can probably remedy that situation if he really wants to. for good.

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once


    1. He is a half-assed witness. Expect him to be unreliable in his convictions. The other wives may have known something you don't yet.

    2. He will become an uber-dub and expect you to convert, submit and become a Stepford wife.

    3. He is more mentally troubled than you think.

    Running doesn't work? Then walk faster.

  • joe134cd

    From time to time we get people in your situation. The overwhelming advise is “just don’t do it”. This advise has come from people who have had years in the religion and know it intimately. I was in it for 40 years from youth, so rest assured I know what I’m talking about. If you want to find out where his mind is, I suggest you both sit down and discuss a topic on jwfacts. If his reply is

    (a) these are people with legitimate and serious concerns.


    (b) apostate driven lies.

    Then this will be your answer.

    Out side of the religion there would be other things that concern me. You would be wife number 3 - assuming that what he’s saying is correct. 3rd time marriages have a 75% fail rate. Are you willing to take that risk under those type of conditions. I’m pretty sure a bank would not give you a loan if it knew that there was a 75% chance that you weren’t going to repay them, and based on the information you provided.

    Just my thoughts.

  • smiddy3

    What is this overwhelming guilt that consumes him ? That he is still married according to a piece of paper ? And she is out of the picture anyway having deserted him ?

    Your staring at a life of misery with this man,its your choice.It sounds more like your a sex object to him rather than a soul mate.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    And please dont say RUN. I tried already and it just didnt work.

    If he is stalking you, report him to the police. You seriously need to get him out of your life.

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    ....and if you are stalking him, you seriously need to get out of his life.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen

    You're most likely fighting a battle that was lost long time ago.

    He should be willing to improve himself, untangle his mess, work on his issues. And he has more issues than just being in a cult.

    If he doesn't fight for himself, there's nothing you can do.

    If you stay, you will play twentysecond fiddle, right behind his allegiance to a cult, his guilt, his may lose love, or worse lose yourself in the process.

    Can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved.

    A good starting point would be for him to divorce his wife. If he can't or won't...he may not be as committed to you as you are to him...

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