Not too my son...

by The Rebel 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheListener

    Sounds great The Rebel. I envy the upbringing for your son.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings, The Rebel:

    So much I can relate to. Suffice it to say that we raised our kids "in the truth" and "out of the truth."

    Will explain later in a PM.

    Have a good day.

  • Ucantnome

    I had two discussions this week, one with my brother and the other with one of my children.

    The discussion with my child revolved around being a member of another church and being a vicar. I think there are some benefits to being part of a community and partaking. Although I'm not.

    Being raised as a JW now has very limited benefits. My parents were strict witnesses and we were good witness children. I think we would have survived the GT.

    This means we lost out. As I said to my brother I never had a present. I never done anything with my father that was enjoyable I have no good memories with my parents

    I knew what i wanted to do for living at 9 and never did it. I have no real pension and have worked harder than i should have.

    My children are well educated and we have a good relationship.

  • Dunedain

    These kind of good experiences with our children, really warm my heart.

    I was a "born in", and my whole childhood was in the "truth". We all know the deal, NO Christmas, birthdays, holidays, organized sports, no real emphasis on higher education, and all that. Even as a "normal" boy growing up, I wanted to play with certain toys, but couldn't. No play guns, no army men, no GI Joes. It may not sound like a big deal now, but when you are a child, it is EVERYTHING.

    I feel that certain aspects of my childhood were stolen from me. I do have to say, though, that my family DID go on many vacations. We DID have one day a year, called "family day", where my parents gave me and my sister some gifts. It was an attempt to make up for lack of Christmas and B days.

    My parents are still alive, and now I have my own children. Its funny but, I believe my parents are kind of "awake" now. My father, a few years ago, made an attempt to try and apologize for bringing us up in the Borg, but I kinda stopped him before he said it, and said it was all OK. For some reason, I couldn't let my Father feel burdened with him thinking that, so I laid it to rest, before it even started.

    My real way of making this RIGHT, is raising my daughters. We enjoys life to the fullest. I am lucky enough to be self employed, and be able to have REAL time to spend with my daughters. We live a financially comfortable life, but not at the expense of me being a Father who works constantly and misses my children growing up.

    I have been there from the beginning, and can enjoy ALL their activities, and whatever things they are involved in. We enjoy holidays, we enjoy birthdays, we enjoy being a stable, loving family. There is no stress to slave for an organization that doesn't give two shits about you. There is no unnecessary pressure put upon my children to have to live up to man made rules, and expectations. My love for them is not conditional on if they are "spiritually" strong enough. My love for them is not conditional on if they are striving for "privileges" in a man made organization.

    It is REAL love. A love for them, and for the beautiful hearts they have, and the wonderful young humans they truly are. I am proud of the job I did raising them AWAY from the "truth". They are kind hearted, well intentioned, decent, and real human beings. I helped them be this way, by NOT raising them in the "truth".

  • Gulf Coaster
    Gulf Coaster

    One "good" thing about being raised in the miserable life of a JW as a kid was that it made me realize, once I had kids of my own and was long gone from the cult, was how crucial it was for children to have a pure, carefree, joyful, innocent childhood free from fear and drudgery.

    My mother dragged us into that cult when I was 9, so I had memories of what the good life was like before the cult made life dreary and grim. I hated the JW life and left as soon as I could, at age 20.

    When I had kids, I made a huge effort to make their lives fun. I might have overcompensated sometimes by decorating the bejesus out of my home at Christmas, Halloween, Easter, etc. But I loved the joy that my kids got out of it and it was like I was reliving the stolen years of my childhood vicariously through them.

  • Xanthippe

    The JWs taught my mother that children should be respectful and not answer back which seems to equate to not having a personality or opinion when you're a child. I felt as though all the self esteem was squeezed out of me through the JW upbringing so I was determined that my daughter should have high self esteem and boy does she!

    She's confident and has her own opinion on everything. She disagrees with me a lot! That's okay with me even though sometimes it's irritating because this world is tough and kids need to be strong. I never wanted it to be about my ego battling against hers and beating her into submission which I think is how JWs raise kids.

    I wanted her to be herself, to grow into who she is and not be twisted up with rules. She's become a moral, ethical person without hundreds of rules. Not a goody two shoes, but someone who believes in treating people well, looking after the vulnerable and those in need but not putting up with abusive personalities.

    She's stronger than me and cleverer than me because her brain and nervous system haven't been screwed up by a crazy cult. I think that's one way the world improves if we raise the next generation to be better people than we were.

  • corruptgirl
    Just the other day I told my husband, who woke up first, that if it wasn't for our kids (and not just any kids, but these specific 2 kids we have ) he wouldn't have learned ttatt and therefore woken me up. My husband says he would always wonder about our older bog because he seems to have a rebel side and think that if he wasn't in the truth that he would die in Armageddon with him. Horrible the stuff indoctrinated ppl have to think about....anyways then when I was pregnant with our 2nd we had some complications which threatened his health but everything turned out ok. Well that's when my husband started questioning everything and wondering why God allows suffering etc, which led him to do alot of jw research and here we are. 😊 Our boys are babies, one is almost 2 and the other is 6 months. And they will have the life they want to live, and pursue whatever interests they want to pursue. They gave us the gift of freedom and we will be sooooooo happy to return the favor!😊
  • The Rebel
    The Rebel

    Yes as a parent I realize the relationship should never be separated by the changing values of the culture we live. Love must be unconditional. To clarify it is often the young who see and attempt to purge our society of its past prejudice, and they often articulate the need for change by "rebellion". However we parents should often listen to such rebellious voices, for by so doing women have become equal to men, and people are no longer not accepted if their sexuality doesn't conform with ours.

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