Not too my son...
will I say " Orlando, your hair is too long, and needs to be cut short" and never will I say " Orlando, invites to birthday parties can't be accepted". And I will buy my son books he wants to read, books that bring him happiness, and that he understands. And by so doing, i hope he will acquire happy memories of his childhood, so that the sensitive and delicate, in him will be allowed to grow.
Thie above is what I realise is my greatest victory having left the Watchtower. It is proof a fathers bad childhood, does not need to be handed down to his son. And the reason this parent believes, only outside the organisation has it been possible to show true feelings to his son, whilst Inside the organisation I believe my true feelings would have been locked away, because I knew they were rendered harmless by the organisation.
The above is just my experience of being a son and a father, I would value other posters opinions on benefits and negatives of being raised, or raising a child in or out the organisation.
I think having children fast tracked my learning ttatt.
I didn't enjoy my JW upbringing, deep down resenting the religion as it seemed an endless list of RULES and a constant constraint on fun....... and now, I was going to do this to my kids?? Deep down I hated being a JW, but stuck it out. Having children of my own and forcing it on them was another matter, I couldn't do it.
I've heard others say similar, that starting a family was the begining of thier waking up. This would more likely be the case when we experience a negative JW upbringing I'm guessing.
Never a JW but when I decided to have children the three things that would never be repeated.
I vowed not to drink once I had children except on rare occasions so when my daughter became a young adult she thought social drinking was a glass of wine once every six months.
When my children broke the rules we sat down and talked about what they did and why they did it. There was no hitting or spanking when they got to a certain age I could just look across the room with the motherly look and they knew oops maybe I should not be doing this.
Most importantly I taught my children how to make decisions at a very early age. Giving them choices with simple things first. All along the way giving them the resources to research, think and choose what they wanted. As young adults they will still come to me and ask me what I think they should do on some things but I will still tell them this is my opinion BUT I expect you to go do your research and make your own decision for what will best fit your long range needs. You will never hurt my feelings if you choose a plan that differs from my opinion.
Nice to have some mothers commenting. Teaching children to think is a must " Rebelfighter". And I also think, the main reason kids can get beaten down by difficulties is that the mountains they feel they can't climb, can be little hills to overcome when a parent shows empathy and love to the child's viewpoint.
For example Orlando asked me to watch him play in the school football final, it was at lunch time and only 10 minutes each half. My first thought was I am very busy with more important commitments and besides parents are not expected to attend anyway. But I turned up as I new this was something of great importance to Orlando. When he saw me I realized how very important this was for him. I guess it was important because we play football together most days, and this was his first "cup" final.
If any bodies interested the team lost, but I didn't embarrass Orlando by calling the referee out for his crappy decisions.
How old is your son? Was he ever baptised or an unbaptised publisher?
Iora croft, : How old is your Son? Was he ever baptized or unbaptised publisher?
First welcome to the board, it will nice to know more about you?
My son is 10 and at 5 sensible enough to offer these clever lines to me " Please no more bible"........I replied " but the end is coming soon" and he said " GROW UP DAD" :-)
Well I was the one who "GREW UP" before he became an unbaptised publisher, because I analyzed the personalities in my congregation and decided to study the organisations history, ummm the rest as they say is history. A very different history to which we were taught.
Now " Iara croft" do you recognize me from my avetor, or the photos I sent of my family on "Flippers" photo thread? Why not start an O.P and introduce yourself :-)
My son is 10 and at 5 sensible enough to offer these clever lines to me " Please no more bible"........I replied " but the end is coming soon" and he said " GROW UP DAD" Rebel
I love it but our kids do speak the truth if we listen to them. The teachers and I had started having concerns about my son early on but by 2nd grade he became extremely restless in school. When questioned about homework his response was it is boring repetitive crap. He was then tested and tested at 5th grade level across the board in 2 languages. Education became a nightmare at that point because he was already the youngest in his class.
Thanks for your reply, very funny you have a wonderful son
Among their many "war crimes" perhaps the most pervasive one is the way the Org comes between parents and their natural parenting style.
Normal life with its small mistakes and opportunities for learning from such is displaced with an abnormal arrangement where a child is supposed to think about "what would Jehovah want...what would Jehovah think...you must please HIM".
Thats a heavy illusion to lay on a child. As a Witness, a parent is taught its a "superior" way of thinking.
If the proof is in the pudding, the rate at which children leave the religion once they can, shows the real truth of the matter.
One of the most heartwarming experiences of my life was seeing the joy on my youngest son's face as he hung ornaments on the Christmas tree in our living room.