Fade Advice Please
I got reinstated in the last month and had my record cards sent to a new congregation. I went to a few meetings until I heard the cards had been sent and now I am looking to do a complete fade, no longer go at all. The new congregation does not know me well and further away from where I live so I am hoping they will give up trying to make contact quickly.
Any advice on do's and dont's and what to expect?
Hi Zed, love the film reference.
Do try to change addresses as soon as you can. They may try to visit you at home.
Do not reply to any emails, texts or phone messages.
Do enjoy the rest of your life!
Remember; Hamburgers are the cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.
Do not get into any conversations about non-jw beliefs you might have now or anti-jw beliefs with any jws or even relatives of jws....it will get you back on the radar.
"Thank you for your concerns brothers, but there's nothing private & personal which I/we wish to discuss with anyone at the moment, but I/we appreciate your motives and concern. If things change, I/we will definitely call you."
1) "We only want to come and give you encouragement." Simply repeat the
2) "But how can we help you if you won't talk to us?" = "I'm sure the Elders have
private & personal situations which they couldn't discuss with others, I'm/we're no
3) Are you refusing to talk with us? = "No, I/we just don't want to discuss things
right now. We'll call you."
If they persist with their interrogation, just say 'thanks', and walk away! They can't
punish you for ending a conversation - and they know they can't force you to talk to them!
Repeat any/all of the above to anyone who tries to extract information from you,
because the Elders will get someone you trust to try and get the information out of
You have done great so far. YOU MOVED.
Don't rock the boat. Come late, leave early, come infrequently if at all. smile, say polite but nebulous things..."Thanks' for worrying about me" "Sure sounds good...let me check my schedule and get back to you...." "Sorry but I have to work that day, or "I think I am out of town that day"...etc. Polite...but unavailable.
If you are not creating problems 90% of elders are to busy to even think about you.
Use your answering machine and caller ID....NEVER answer the phone from elders in a timely manner. Never answer the door. Simply learn what the public has done for years....home but hiding, turn on the shower, flush the toilet.... If they really pin you down, be busy at the suggested time and offer an alternate time that is inconvenient, 8 am, 9 pm, etc. :)
You could also consider getting a job/pretending to have a job that requires lots of travel. I fondly remember a couple of years of bliss where I didn't attend any meetings during my fade. I had an apartment at the remote location and simply told the nice people at the remote location I would be at home this weekend. When I was home, I told the locals I had to go back for work.
Don't cause trouble and you will be home free. Live your life...
Hide. Keep your window curtains drawn. If they come up to your house, go inside. Give them a last minute excuse that you cant make it. Dont ever put up christmas lights or halloween decorations. Cross to the other side of the street when you see them coming. Dont make eye contact at the grocery store.
Basically live in fear and waste time in the only life that you are absolutely sure you have.
That is not living. That is cowering. Get the fuck on with your life!!
I say that as someone who tried to fade for a few months and finally realized what I was doing to myself. I wish someone had been this blunt with me.
Go to one more Sunday meeting and make a point of talking to one of the Elders or someone who'll get the word out.
Them: Where have you been....we're concerned
You: My work schedule has been crazy but it looks like things will be back to normal in about 3 weeks so I'm looking forward getting back in to my normal routine again.
Them: Oh....what's going on at work?
You: Oh nothing to worry about...I won't bore you with the details but I'm glad things will be getting more normal for me in a few more weeks.
Them: Are you having you work extra hours?
You: Well...you know...just the usual stuff but like I said....I won't bore you with the details besides, it's my day off and I'm not being paid to think about work Ha Ha.... So what have you been up to lately....anything fun or exciting?
Changet the subject....let the conversation come to a natural end then never go back, stop taking calls and answering emails.
Throw out mail. Block emails, texts and social media.
If they mail you literature subscriptions (do they still do that?), mark them "return to sender" unopened.
I agree with pbrow: Basically live in fear and waste time in the only life that you are absolutely sure you have.
I imagine you had your reasons for being reinstated, but now that you are, you are a lot less beholden to them.
You can shun them now! That's what I do.
Chronic fatigue syndrome...maybe they will bring you some soup. But you are house bound exept work.