I don't like the person i am becoming...

by SpunkedTeen 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • SpunkedTeen

    I have not been active here lately just lurking mostly but i have no one to talk to and i need some help i guess.I started working out and became friends with my personal trainer(we went to school together).I started going out with him(lying to my mother about what i was doing,another thing to add to the list of lies,it's becoming too easy!) and i notice i'm slowly becoming the worldy people that the jw's described.I've become very selfish and rude and very apathetic towards everything and everyone.I always thought the values that jw's taught were really good.If i cut ties with the only friend i have now , i would probably slip into a deep depression and i that is something that i want to avoid at all costs.I start university in january and my plan was to stick it out in the organisation until i got my degree and became fully independant but as of late a elder told me i am being considered to become a M.S and told me what i need to work on and since then the other elders have been nagging me to work on the same things.I'm trying to rid my self of my 'priveleges' in the cong but nothings working...If anyone has experienced a similar situation what advice would you give? , Oh and my mom was always super into the religion having been a pioneer and bethel worker for years but we went to the Regional convention two weeks ago and now she is even more exasperating (for example a sister asked my why i was 19 years old and not a MS or serving at bethel yet, which is fine i've learnt how to deal with these questions but when i told my mother whom has always been content with me just being in the religion and never pushed me towards anything asked me if i was happy with what i was and if i would not be happier at bethel or regular pioneering.)Any help on how to deal with her would be very much appreciated.

  • Giles Gray
    Giles Gray

    Before dealing with your family you need to deal with yourself. You need to work out who you are and what you stand for, what you believe in.

    This takes a lot of time so don't rush anything.

    I'm sure others will follow on with some good advice but for now you need to anchor yourself first. A lot easier said than done.

    Hope you find your way through it all. Sounds like you have a long road in front of you.

  • SpunkedTeen

    Thanks, i am trying but easier said than done i guess.

  • nmthinker

    Giles Gray is right. It took me a short time to wake up but a much longer time to be accepting of the fact that I wasn't a witness anymore. Since I was born in "the truth" I had internalized all the negative things they say about worldly people and those who leave the organization.

    Eventually you come to accept that we are all just people and we ourselves are ultimately accountable for the decisions we make in life. IMO witnesses don't hold themselves accountable but focus on their status in the religion and in the eyes of others. This is why it is so hard for people to leave the organization for good.

  • Giles Gray
    Giles Gray

    It is a lot easier said than done. You are in more of a tangled web than you might think.

    Take some time out before making any hard decisions.

    I suppose the first thing you need to do is to take an objective look at what you have been taught as a JW.

    For example, are people in the religion really better morally than people who aren't? Why do you dislike what you are becoming? Is it that you don't like it or is it due to the religion? Is the religion's point of view correct? What is wrong with the person you are becoming? Are you really changing to being a more selfish person or are you just becoming an independant adult? If so is that wrong in itself?

    Lots of questions. Take your time and good luck.

  • looter

    We should try to remember when Jesus was born. He was in a stable and his crib which could of been eaten by wild animals at any second. Does that mean he was weak, no. It was the environment that made him vulnerable and in your case, you are very weak. What you need to do is pray to find your feelings about the matter.

  • Gayle
    You are at a great age to rebuild/develop yourself!! You have to find your positive personal interests!! Definitely keep your plan for university! Do you have a sport interest or hobby? The WT life will only fill you with 'nonfulfillments,' always waiting and waiting for 'their' better life that never comes.
  • Drwho

    I am not a jw and have a totally different story to yours, plus im mega old : ))

    My lady is a jw and we have been dating for about 6 months with ups and the most deepest of downs, all due to the Watchtower.

    Anyway , she has a 20 year old daughter , obviously born into the Jws , who had the similar predicament to yours .

    She has been dating a non Jw for little over a year and about 6 months ago had depression and boughts of loneliness too .

    The girl went to a psychologist and got help. 1 month ago she stopped going to the meetings and moved out of her mothers home .

    The elders were supportive , since she has not disassociated, she told them she just needs time out . Her mother is sad but supportive too .

    Maybe its a question of your feelings for this guy, your mums reaction and that of your cong .

    Good luck , and if I take this girl as an example, I see a very happy young lady whose self confidence is growing by the day . I hope you can be like her : )


    i notice i'm slowly becoming the worldy people that the jw's described.I've become very selfish and rude and very apathetic towards everything and everyone.I always thought the values that jw's taught were really good.

    That`s what happens to JW`s..

    When they leave the Watchtower/Gods Organization..

    Then they either become..


    .................BANK ROBBERS ........OR...........................RODEO CLOWNS..

    Image result for Female bank robberImage result for female rodeo clown

  • pale.emperor

    a sister asked my why i was 19 years old and not a MS or serving at bethel yet

    What a stupid thing to say. Never mind that you may not want to slave for the organization.

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