Very angry...

by Odrade 23 Replies latest members private

• 

  Carmel

  Odrade,

  Controling behavior is not confined to the JUU's. Most all people are corrupted by "power". Parenting is the most universal form of having power over others. Little people are incapable of escaping and are capitive to the perversions of power. The Society simply is a collective form of parental suppression. It re-inforces the poor parenting skills by acting like abusive parents as a group. Hence, the administration of illicit abuse in all forms, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually.

  So, it is no wonder you have trouble sorting out the treatment and laying appropriate blame. The two are actually inseparable.

  I wish you well and hope you can overcome the anger you feel.

  carmel
• 

  Nosferatu

  Odrade, here is another way to look at it...

  Everyone has total control over thier own lives. Nobody can control someone else's life. The only way a person can be truly happy is if they invest their time in activities and set goals that bring them enjoyment. True satisfaction does not come from giving commands to other people, or putting guilt trips on them.

  Your parents are miserable people. It's their choice to stay in the org and be controlled by it. They have the choice to come out of it, regardless of whether they were raised in it or not. People have the ability to change their personalities. It takes a lot of work, but it can be done. Leaving the org involves changing one's personality. If your parents aren't willing to change, they'll keep their JW beliefs as part of their personalities. You cannot separate the two when the beliefs are deeply rooted in one's personality. The two have become one. Only your parents can separate what is their true personality, and what is JW inflicted. You have no choice but to accept their personalities as they stand. The best you can do is try to make them see the light. It's only after they see the light that they can outroot the JW beliefs they have, and then their true personalities can shine.

  My suggestion is to live your life the way you want to. Your parent's opinion doesn't matter anymore. You're no longer under their care. You cannot built happiness on the foundation of your parents. Your building will keep crumbling. Build happiness on the foundation of yourself. The building will never crumble, and will keep getting taller. Keep your life in your own hands, not in someone else's.
• 

  unique1

  OMG!!!! That sounds JUST LIKE MY PARENTS. My mother asked me those exact same questions a week or two ago. Freaky.

  I don't care what part is the Watchtower and what part is just my parents. They have become a part of the Watchtower and it governs their existance. I know they did what they thought was best. Whether it was the Watchtowers influence or not, they still tried to do what was right. In their eyes they had my best interest at heart. I just accept it as that. They are controlling and my mother is a psycho, but they did what they thought was best. I accept that and go on. See it as a new beginning and just let the past go. Dwelling on the past will just make you miserable. You are out, it is time to be happy for once in your life. See a therapist if you need to, that helped me alot. Know there are others out here going through the same thing, you are not alone. If you ever want to talk, PM me and I will send you my email address.
• 

  KGB

  99% JW teaching & 1% normal parental

  I have a JW mother, and even though she has tried to use the scare tactics on me many, many times I just tell her you know mom ? I have my life you have yours. I don't tell you how to live yours, you don't tell me how to live mine. I will ask , Don't you believe that I will be judged for my own as you will for your own? Of course the answer is yes ! Then I just say well leave it at that. I love you but this is my life and not yours.....

  Do not allow your parents or your friends to control what you do or who you see or how you believe. It is your own personal life and when we become adults, that means that our parents have lost the right to decide what is right for us and we then earn the right to choose for our own selves...Ask your parents, would you allow me to make decisions for you? They would of course answer no so then I would say then why do you try to decide for me ? I am adult now not a child. At one time you made decisions for me and most were good ones but now I am the decision maker for myself, thank you for your concern but mom and dad I have my life under control.... GOOD LUCK
• 

  Odrade

  Thanks guys, resources like this site and all the personal experience does make a difference. Lately I've been happier than I've ever been. New friends, and a couple of old friends have come into my life. I'm getting my emotional legs under me too when it comes to my parents. I'm learning not to let their guilt-trips derail my own life. It's hard though. Most of the time I'm happy with the direction my life is going in. I rarely have any real guilt over THEIR feelings. It's just once in awhile I have this great wash of anger come over me. Sometimes it's enough to raise my blood pressure and break out in a sweat. Not often.

  I'll get over it, the first really major step I ever took that has made a difference was detaching myself from JWs. My whole outlook and perception of things is completely new. But still, like Big Tex says all the time, you just have to let yourself feel all those emotions.

  Odrade
• 

  Panda

  Odrade, Wow... I often tell my husband that if we had raised kids in the borg that they would hate us now!!! Of all things I'm grateful not to have screwed up some kkids lives. I can see I would have followed all of the WTS suggestions for raising children. God I'd hate myself forever if I did to you what your parents have done.

  At some point you'll need to say "You both know I love you even when I get angry about the WTS. But you must understand that I have found out all that the WTS doesn't want you to know. " something like that. They need to see Odrade the adult with a conscience(they think you don't have one anymore. Tell them you're going to a therapist. And maybe they'd like to go with you for a session.
• 

  Ravyn

  Dear Odrade,

  does it matter why you are angry? I mean really, in the end will it make a difference?

  At some point your parents were responsible enough and adult enough to make the decision to allow the Borg to control them---you know this because you had the same choice and chose the other option. So does it matter why you are angry? Even if they would have been lousy parents without the Borg--they decided to do it with the Borg. Technically, the only thing you have the 'right' to be angry at them about is their lousy parenting---their religion is their own business--EVEN IF IT DETERMINED THEIR LOUSY PARENTING----what you have the 'right' to be angry at the Borg at, is what the Borg did to YOU and how it influenced YOU. Keeping your parents lousy parents--is a side-effect of the Borg.

  My husband was never a JW and his parents were horrible parents. Much worse than mine were and mine were JWs and mentally ill! His parents are complete narcisists--do some research on narcissism and you will see your parents with or without the Birg. They just ruined yet another week end for me.

  so ask yourself if it really makes a difference and do not over analyze it--that will just keep you from dealing with it. The Borg definitely makes bad things worse. But is that the fault of the Borg or of the ones who choose to put themselves in the Borg? (People may argue that some people had no choice---but sooner or later we all have a choice.)

  Ravyn
• 

  be wise

  Odrade,

  I understand how you feel quite a lot. My parents sound VERY similar to yours in most ways. I'm struggling with this too but haven't yet seen the worst of it as I've only just DA'd recently. It is very hard isn't it cos you have to try and balance everything out. Also, just because we're right doesn't always make it right if you know what I mean, feelings and people are involved no matter what the truth is. In a way it would be better to try and act more responsably because although it's been very difficult for most of us - WE know the truth. I only say this cos I went off the rails with my mum and dad a few times (don't regret it though, it changed a lot for the better) Just try your best and make mistakes. We all get pissed off with it at times. Just realise and accept when you do make them and take it from there, well that's what I try and do anyway - touch wood. I suppose to it depends on how much your involved with your family. I except my situation as is now and see it for what it is so I can move on from here. Respect yourself first cos we can't chose our families. For your own well being you've just gotta be disiplined about how far you let people come into your life and to what degree.
• 

  wednesday

  Odrade,

  When my kids did not "take " to the truth, i blamed myself and my husband. the other JWS parents also blamed us. Probably your parents are somewhat being blamed for your departure, even if it is subtle.The only way a jws parent can absolve themself form this is to find hints that u were just a "bad seed". (ie petty grudeger post). B/c we so bought into the new system and all that, it is like your child has died if they leave the truth.Parents are warned not to let them "take u with them". It is horribe, and your parents must be ready to see the error of the Org. In our case, it took a steady diet of rejection from the org to finally see them for what they are.
• 

  jgnat

  Yeah, some parents are just that way. Considering it is unlikely your parents will ever leave the society, why don't you consider the WTBTS as part of their makeup? Probably without the society, parents like yours would have found another excuse to be controlling.

  An epiphany for me was when I adopted my second cat. As soon as my dad saw it, he swore. He figured the things complicated my life too much as it was, and here I got a second one. It finally dawned on me, at 35 years of age, that my dad had no control over how I conducted my life. All he could do is swear under his breath and shrug his shoulders.

  You might feel less angry if you realize that your parent's control is all smoke and mirrors, now that you are grown and on your own. All you have to do is continue to live your own life.