My younger brother officially Disassociated today

by pale.emperor 33 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    Hi guys. Just wanted to share this with you as it's kind of got me worried. My brother who was also raised in "the truthâ„¢" met me in town today for a coffee. This is the brother i mentioned a few weeks ago who tried to kill himself because he was being harassed by elders and family to return to Jehovah. He's been inactive since June and was trying to simply go off the radar like some have managed to do.

    Unfortunately it wasn't working. He has Asperger Syndrome, he's perfectly capable of going out and looking after himself etc but he has carers non the less that go out with him from time to time. All of his carers are JWs (because his mum chose his carers for him). Anyway, because of the harassment and pressure he was experiencing, and the constant bombardment of text messages, phonecalls, voicemails, email and visits to his apartment he took the drastic action of writing his disassociation letter. This happened two days ago but he only told me today.

    He told me he's been getting even more "concerned" elders knocking on his door and he says he's frightened to open the door. Because of his Asperger Syndrome he doesn't like confrontation and he's afraid he'll get angry and lash out at them. I told him what's likely is they want him to confirm verbally his intention to DA. I advised him to just not open the door and block their numbers, by next Thursday they should have announced him from the platform and that'll be the end of it.

    My concern is, will the family shun him? With him being on the spectrum is it really fair? He says he doesn't care because when the family talk to him it's always about returning to Jehovah and how disappointed they all are over him.

    He shown me a few text messages from the elders. To be fair, one of them sounded genuinely concerned saying. The texts were like this:

    "We miss you at the KH. Can we come and see you to see if we can help in any way? I dont think you understand what disassociating means."

    It's shocked me because it's so final. I can cope with being shunned, i have real friends. He doesn't have any yet. The elders have told him that they'll have to inform his JW carers that they can no longer work for him. Isnt that illegal?

  • nonjwspouse

    I'm sorry for your difficulty and worry about your brother. I do hope things will turn out ok for him.Are you able to find some carers?

    He has you for starters. That is one huge help for him.

  • carla

    Can you call Social Services for him? Somebody must be able to help in this situation to get him new caretakers.

    If SS fails, you may not like it but some churches have volunteers that help people out. Other volunteer groups include things like Little Brothers (not sure if that is just a local one I saw or what). Find other resources to help. How about Goodwill?

  • nonjwspouse

    Catholic Social Services have lots of locations. I have used them before.

  • Ruby456

    Do the jw carers work for themselves or for a company that provides care?

    if they are self employed then they can give notice that they no longer want to work with your brother or they may decide to stay on but it will be up to them. your brother will need to find new carers and getting used to new ones will probably be hard.

  • dubstepped

    Considering how they drove him to suicide, this sounds like it will be for the best. He may need care but perhaps not the same social contact as you or I?

    I'm sure there are organizations that can help, just not Jehovah's.

    Ugh, I'm sorry on one hand but I think I'm happy for him on another. He is right in that he notices how toxic they all are and wants to get away.

    Oh, and fuck Jehovah's Witnesses. Fuck their threats of removing care. Fuck their toxic conditional love. In the words of Ruckley? in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest "F-f-f-fuck 'em all". This kind of stuff is just evil.

  • millie210

    Getting rid of the JW "carers" is probably the best for him although given his situation, change is very hard to go through.

    If he is going to have carers, it will be such a relief to him if they simply do the work they do with no religious guilt and overtones attached.

    I really feel for you and your brother Pale. This is hard and I know you feel love and protectiveness towards him.

    It is most likely that his life is going to be far better once this all gets sorted.

  • pale.emperor

    Thanks guys. Im gonna see who's in charge of sorting his carers and help him get actual registered carers. That's if he even needs/wants any.

    As long as he has his violin and he's happy enough :)

  • sir82

    My concern is, will the family shun him? With him being on the spectrum is it really fair?

    You know your family better than we do, but per JW policy, the family is expected to shun him.

    With him being on the spectrum is it really fair?

    JW "rule of thumb" is that if a person is capable of "supporting himself", i.e., has the mental capacity to hold down a job and live a more or less independent life, he is mentally fit enough to withstand "judicial punishment". Each 3-elder committee will exercise their own (poor) judgement on this, but if your brother can "look after himself" then he is subject to the full weight of JW shunning.

  • DesirousOfChange

    To allow time to find new carers, you could send a letter to the Elders (cc: to the Branch) and tell them you have heard of their plan to tell all JW carers to quit because of his religion (or lack of it) and you will see that the BRANCH is included in the lawsuit if this happens without them giving reasonable (60 day) notice.

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