by Mary 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mary

    OK, I've known for a long time now that this is not "the one true religion", but I can't for the life of me, seem to make the final break. I seldom go to meetings and am usually bored out of my mind when I do go, but for the life of me, after I've missed about 3 or 4 weeks I start feeling guilty about "missing meetings" and I'll go. I'm really frustrated and angry with myself that I can't make the break, but in all honesty, there's still some people at the Hall that I care about and I guess I'd miss them if I left completely. Then I go, and I get really irritated when I listen to the Bullshit From The Platform and vow never to go again, but I still do.

    Anyone else here feel like this?

  • happyout


    Sorry, but in my case, it took me four years of knowing I wanted to leave to actually get up the nerve to do it. So, I probably went through what you are going through while still attending on a regular basis.

    Once I left, I let my family talk me into going to a couple of memorials, but instead of feeling guilty, I got angry. By the time I left, I was so angry at the fake love these people were showing me, hugging me and spouting crap like " I knew you'd be back" just irritated me terribly. I no longer go for any reason whatsoever.

    I did miss a lot of my friends really badly at first. Making new friends helped some, but it's not like having someone you grew up with. Eventually, I got over it, but it took time.

    I feel for you, Mary, I really do, and just hope you won't be hard on yourself. Getting out of a cult takes trememdous strength, and also time. Be patient with yourself.

    Good luck,


  • stillajwexelder

    yes I feel exactly the same -- still go from time to time - even go on the preaching work now and again -- guilt is the motivator -- not love or because I want to -- so I understand what you are saying

  • Valis

    Go find something else to do when you think you should be at meetings. Maybe even try another church or something....The Unitarians are open minded and accept everyone. Also, museums, or quiet places for thought might just do you some good. Don't feel guilty, feel relieved. Think of how much time you lose going to meetings, service, assemblies, Watchtower Study (notice bible didn't make it into that sentence)....If anything and you think you still need religion even try reading the bible yourself, take notes and come to your own conclusions. Just do something for yourself instead of the congregation for a change. I mean really...if you feel like there is a god then would you not also expect that you could live your life, be a good person to yourself and others, love your god, and be happy, to wit your god would recognize your intention and remember you after death? Seems simple to me and I don't even believe in a diety.... ... Also......a beer never hurts either...*LOL*


    District Overbeer

  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Well Mary breaking away isnt easy and I dont think theres anything unusual about how you feel.Leaving the dubs fully, both physically and mentally took me many years. I dont think I mentally escaped its grip till Id been physically "out" for 15 years. So, its a long haul.

    Try to see the usefull things that you learnt from the church. I myself didnt spend 20 years in a mind control group for nothing. I know a lot about social manipulation, learnt in the dubs, a usefull tool in dealing with others in a business environment.

    As for your friends in the church... its true that I personally still think, often, about people I knew in there. But unfortunately the church forces you into a corner, causing you to choose between YOURSELF and the collective life. I dont think it would be wisdom to live a life of self denial and burying your inner self. In the end you will have to move in the direction of your own GROWTH....or forever be truly damned.

  • Nikita

    I think what you are feeling is all part of the process. I can remember feeling the same way. In my case, even a few years later, I had feelings of guilt.

    Keep trying to make new friends and be busy, it will pass in time.


  • rocketman

    I would go, just like you do Mary, from time-to-time, just to 'show my face', see a few folks that I liked, and yes, to address that little twinge of guilt.

    But after some time, I was able to resist going, and have not attended for about three months.After awhile, it just seemed useless to keep going. I don't have love for Jehovah. If I don't feel that, then to me everything else connected with that religion is pointless.

  • Victorian sky
    Victorian sky

    Dear Mary,

    I empathize with you. It took me 3 years to fully leave after reading "Crisis of Conscience". I tried to force myself to think the way the borg wanted me to think. But my brain rebeled! I would zone out during the meetings. I would even pray about my doubts and boredom while the speaker went on ad nauseum about false dates, obeying the GB at all costs, bow down to the elders, your husband ect. I felt torn for a long time for the same reasons you do - 'friends' I'd miss & family. They threaten and inflict fear by saying 'Where are you going to go? You learned the truth from us, we're you're only friends/family' Well that's bull. The friends I've made since I've been out are nonjudgmental and every bit as caring as the JWs claim to be. I agree with the other poster, to do something you love, something just for you during the meeting time. I read novels, my Bible, rented movies, watch TV. I've taken long walks on the beach or in the park - It's a great way to feel closer to God, very peaceful. I know how hard it is, I really do. You can break free, just give yourself time. You're stronger than you think. One day you'll walk away and you won't look back. - Victorian Sky

  • Brummie

    Mary, the reason you still feel guilty is because you keep going. The guilt will die off the more distance you get from it.

    You need to be more loyal to yourself rather than keep going back and showing a loyalty to them.


  • refiners fire
    refiners fire

    Hey Mary. If you, or I, think we have suffered...check this out. It all happened just up the road.


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