by Mary 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mary
    you choose the emotion you were TRAINED to choose.

    You know what, I never thought of it like that before, but you're probably right, Francois. We're told from the day we're born that if we miss meetings or don't go out in Service that Jehovah will hold you blood-guilty at Armageddon. Even though I know Armageddon is not "right around the corner", it's been indoctrined in to my brain all my life, and that's why it's so damn hard to just totally walk away.

    Maybe even try another church or something....The Unitarians are open minded and accept everyone. Also, museums, or quiet places for thought might just do you some good.

    Yes, I've thought about trying another church........I'm almost there, but not quite yet. Also, I now try meditation (which I'm not really good at), I read the bible WITHOUT the "help" other the Borg's publications and I'm more open to other ideas that I wasn't before.

    I don't have love for Jehovah. If I don't feel that, then to me everything else connected with that religion is pointless.

    And see, I do. I still believe in God and I believe in Jehovah, but I do not believe for one second that He's directing the Organization.

    But my brain rebeled! I would zone out during the meetings. I would even pray about my doubts and boredom while the speaker went on ad nauseum about false dates, obeying the GB at all costs, bow down to the elders, your husband ect. I felt torn for a long time for the same reasons you do - 'friends' I'd miss & family.

    I'm lucky in that respect. Most of my friends are now ex-Witnesses (in fact, we're having a BB-Q this afternoon, where all the horrible apostates will be gathered), and I do have "worldly" friends. Also, although my parents are still active JWs, I know for a fact that nothing would ever make them stop talking to one of their children, so I'm not too worried there. It's just that some people that I really care about still go, and I'd be really hard not to see them any more.............

    There have been some on this board who after much time in denouncing the organisation begin to re-think their thoughts and decide to return to "it".. How SURE are you?

    Oh lordy.........lemme put it this way: I think there's a better chance of me winning the lottery tonight, than them being right and the "true religion".

    I would like to say that I really "love" your posts. You speak no BS and tell it like it is........and thats why it surprises me you feel guilt.

    Why thank you Gumby! That made my day!

    Have you read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz?

    Oh ya.........I was almost in a state of shock because I read it at a time when I was still about 70% sure this was "the troof". I cried when I read about the brothers in Malawi, was disgusted at the whole 1975 crap and how it came about, and was REALLY pissed off when I found out how and why Ray and others were all disfellowshipped; and how we had all been told it had been for "apostasy".

    Thanks for your tips and comments.........I'll make the final break one day.........after all, tomorrow is another day!

  • Maverick

    Gumby is soooo right about the mind control. The J-duds install exit phobias that lay dormant until you trigger them. Like a computer sleeper virus that is set off by some action on your part. They implant values that benefit their interests and indoctrinate you into believing these are your values. Notice the J-dud Masters never are to blame for anything. If there is a problem YOU are not doing what you should, or YOU are doing something that you shouldn't! God does not make errors and so Gods Organization makes no errors either! You can uninstall the guilt and replace it with anger or disgust for that bunch of fakes and their dupes...the elders! Maverick, Who always enjoys your comments!

  • Prudence


    It's just that some people that I really care about still go, and I'd be really hard not to see them any more.............

    That is why I stayed as long as I did. I had some people that I really cared about and I still think of them from time to time and

    remember the good times . And remember, the people here care about you a lot, and I look forward to getting to know you it sounds like you are a sweet heart.

    xox Prudence

  • DJ

    Hi Mary,

    I'm sorry to hear of your anguish yet it is so common. I know that you love Jehovah and the issue that I see is the need to divorce Jehovah from the wt. I had a hard time too but as I prayed about this exact subject...He freed me. Since I have asked Christ into my heart I have no guilt toward the wt whatsoever. I am only saying to pray about it and be as honest about it with God as you are being with us. It is what helped me. I used to think that hiding my fears/doubts/guilt when I prayed was right...then I realized how deceitful I was being not only to myself but to God. Now, I try to just give it all to Him and I have asked Him to give me the Holy Spirit to teach me. I feel that He had done just that and I would never want to be taught by man again. He is faithful. Love, dj

  • Frannie Banannie
    Frannie Banannie

    The WTBATS teaches they're special god-like people. They also teach and heap upon each member a tremendous amount of guilt..... just as a disease only takes a moment to infect a person with a germ or two, the seeds of JWism "infect" the host and become prolific once they're planted and the resultin hangups and issues can take a long time to cure, perhaps even a lifetime.

    Frannie B

  • jgnat

    Refiner's, that article was mesmerizing and terrifying at the same time. Thanks for the nightmare.

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