Your situation sounds very close to what I faced when first waking up. I was a diehard, JW zealot, though a liberal one on many things, but that was just because I thought most JW's "over do it" to make penance for their own weakness (or secret sins).
When the first domino fell for me, I started reading online and you know what happens. But what to do about the wife who was still deep in. First, I quit field service and shortly thereafter I quit meetings. Our situation was such that I was seen as being "stumbled" by what happened. I had already resigned from being an elder. She continued on her own for a while with our (unbaptized) teenage children.
I was sincere in trying to work out the issues that I had and I would "bounce" things off of her. They were sincere questions that I had. Probably some of the same things going through your mind right now. Once you start looking, things in JW-Land just "don't stack up" any longer. My questions got her to thinking and researching. That forced her to re-examine some things. Now she had her own doubts.
I never went at it dogmatically with her. I simply explained my questioning of things. How does this make sense? How could this happen if "such and such" (ie, holy spirit direction) is really true? As you have discovered, if a person (is forced to) opens their eyes to TTATT, it all falls apart. Sometimes I suggest going back just for the "social" advantage. She won't hear of it! They lied to her. She HATES a liar!