UPDATE: Wife Pretty Much Knows That I Don't Believe

by JW_Rogue 25 Replies latest jw experiences

  • DesirousOfChange

    Your situation sounds very close to what I faced when first waking up. I was a diehard, JW zealot, though a liberal one on many things, but that was just because I thought most JW's "over do it" to make penance for their own weakness (or secret sins).

    When the first domino fell for me, I started reading online and you know what happens. But what to do about the wife who was still deep in. First, I quit field service and shortly thereafter I quit meetings. Our situation was such that I was seen as being "stumbled" by what happened. I had already resigned from being an elder. She continued on her own for a while with our (unbaptized) teenage children.

    I was sincere in trying to work out the issues that I had and I would "bounce" things off of her. They were sincere questions that I had. Probably some of the same things going through your mind right now. Once you start looking, things in JW-Land just "don't stack up" any longer. My questions got her to thinking and researching. That forced her to re-examine some things. Now she had her own doubts.

    I never went at it dogmatically with her. I simply explained my questioning of things. How does this make sense? How could this happen if "such and such" (ie, holy spirit direction) is really true? As you have discovered, if a person (is forced to) opens their eyes to TTATT, it all falls apart. Sometimes I suggest going back just for the "social" advantage. She won't hear of it! They lied to her. She HATES a liar!


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  • Finkelstein

    Her whole family is in the org as is mine. I want to be able to

    distance myself quietly without raising any red flags which will be hard to do.

    To be perfectly honest I remember guys/husbands going to meetings mostly for their wives, these guys never went out in service and never gave any talks , friendly to talk to etc.

    I guess they loved their wives so they went along for the ride just to keep the relationship happy, lowering the stress and animosity.

  • Gorbatchov

    Moving to another place was our exit ticket.


  • Jehalapeno

    Perhaps suggest doing research together as a "family study."

    Research things like the destruction of Jerusalem, the authenticity of the biblical flood, etc. Don't just use Watchtower's publications, but use archeological and academic sources too.

    Pick some topics where you know the society cherry picked quotes and facts, and look up the original sources to read the stuff in context.

    When I told my wife about my doubts, I went too hard in trying to tell her TTATT stuff. In the end, what woke her up was her doing her own research and me sharing the PBS News story on the Candice Conti sex abuse scandal. It's very powerful for a JW to see the leaders of their organization lie under oath or try to justify not reporting child sexual abuse under oath.

  • JW_Rogue
    To be perfectly honest I remember guys/husbands going to meetings mostly for their wives, these guys never went out in service and never gave any talks , friendly to talk to etc.

    That would be nice, maybe just Sunday meetings and dump everything else.

  • Vidiot
    JW_Rogue - "That would be nice, maybe just Sunday meetings and dump everything else."

    I suspect the bOrg itself is already well on its way towards that, anyway.

  • JW_Rogue

    LOL Yeah, maybe in thirty years or so...

  • blondie

    The last assembly I attended (in fact the last jw meeting or "gathering" for any reason), said non-jw spouses were like corpses, already dead (if they did not become a baptized jw). That the jw was married to a corpse. How loving! The WTS even has a KM article that says socializing with non-jws, even family members, is a bad idea and that they should not be invited to jw social events.

    Some jws comfort themselves that meeting attendance is enough to qualify for survival during Armageddon, especially if they have parents, spouses, and adult children who are not WTS qualified.




    5 One cannot walk with God while running in association with those of the wicked and sick society that approves of everything that God abhors. The Bible warns: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.” (1 Cor. 15:33) Some in the congregation may be inclined to invite worldly acquaintances and unbelieving relatives who have no interest in the truth to social gatherings, thinking that this will encourage them to accept the truth. However, is this wise and in harmony with the Scriptures?

    6 We have been counseled to be cautious in our dealings with men of the nations, unbelievers, and ordinary persons. (See the November 15, 1988, issue of The Watchtower, pages 15-16.) Why should we have unnecessary social contact with people who still pursue worldly ways and who have not become worshipers of Jehovah? (2 Cor. 6:14, 15) Some who are negligent spiritually may seek out others who also hold on to worldlythinking and ways instead of seeking association with mature Christians who could help them become strong in the faith. They fail to appreciate that attendance at social gatherings with worldly, unprincipled people can weaken their faith and corrupt them.​—Compare 2 Thessalonians 3:14, 15.

    7 Everyone wanting to practice the truth should search out associates who are devoted to Jehovah and who will help him to walk in the truth and contribute to his progress in serving God. Our friends and associates can have a profound effect on us. Therefore, how wise it is to seek out the company of godly persons who maintain a close relationship with Jehovah!

  • Vidiot
    JW_Rogue - "...maybe in thirty years or so..."

    Don't kid yourself.

    Ten bucks says it's sooner.

  • TD

    Why not go for a day out one Sunday, go for lunch somewhere nice, show the alternative life you could be living instead of the usual slog.


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