thank god for the internet and sites like this. a place of refuge, reassurance and understanding.
A woman without a voice
You really have been through it and my heart goes out to you. I'll drop you a message but please know that a few months ago I came on here looking for support and everyone was absolutely wonderful to me. Everyone is so kind, so supportive. You will only find love here. You've come to the right place.
Hugs to you.
Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, I think that your stories have quite a few elements that many of us relate to in one way or another.
Once again, thank you.
I am so sorry for what you've gone through. No two situations are identical, but my mother went through various vaguely similar things with the Elders and her husband. This story in one form or another has, is and will be repeated many times the world over, and most don't tell for the reasons you cited. JWs perpetuate abusive relationships because the organization ITSELF is like an abuser, and its' adherents like those who are abused and in denial.
I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. You tried your very best to be a good partner, mother and Christian. You did what you thought was the right thing at the time, and that's all we can ever do but, of course, in the Watchtower trying your best is never good enough...and the meek, the gentle, those without ego feel it the most and become depressed when they can't be superwoman and fix the whole world!!
Woman without a voice is a good title because really no woman has a voice in Watchtower, except through her husband, it's like going back to those cruel ancient societies that had no use for women except to be slaves or produce babies. Why do we tolerate it? Usually because we are attracted to the loving message of Jesus, yet for all their bluster Watchtower has nothing of that. Sadly, even if they are kind men, elders MUST be company 'whips' first and foremost...and like parliament if they fail in that task the 'whip' is taken away from them and they are cast out.
I don't know what to suggest about your sister and husband except if you wish to help them, especially your husband who seems, if I read you right, to be almost bullied, never state facts but use the Socratic method of posing questions, such as: I was wondering why the Isrealites held their courts at the city gates, so nothing would be hidden from all men....I wonder why does the bible say we MUST have JCs in secret with 3 elders? What if a bible study asks to know where it says that in the Bible ? etc etc
Anyway I'm glad that you have come here and I'm sure many of us can relate.I too had an abusive first husband who would drink and throw me and my baby son out but was told the answer was pray and go in service more!
My time, unfortunately is limited on here, although I wish talking to all of you was the only thing I had to do for the next few weeks. There is so much I want to learn about you and much that I wish to share. Emerging from the WT fog and being able to see and think with genuine clarity is an enormous struggle, as I am sure most of you here realize. But I wish to thank all of you beautiful people for your courage and strength and love and your desire to follow your own conscience rather than to have how to think, feel and act be dictated to you by a group of aging and out of touch men who mistakenly believe they are directed by God. That is not to say some of these men aren't sincere. I cannot judge them, even though they may be quick to judge me. God is the only true judge and before his own master each one stands or falls.
However, I wish to thank every one of you who have been so kind as to respond to my posts. I promise I will private message each one of you shortly or otherwise get back to you asap.
Thank you, and may the God of heaven and earth, whatever you conceive him to be, bless you abundantly for your courage and love.
Glad to hear you've kept the faith. Organized religion is often a snare and a racket, and you don't need it to be spiritual. 🙂
So sorry to hear of your woes Sunny, you have a voice but felt obliged not to use it. I shot myself in the foot as a young teenager and became a JW to the horror of my parents. I also turned down the education I wanted in art. We all make mistakes and being a JW is generally a very bad preparation for marriage although it has to be said that many couples do succeed despite their religion.
Where JWs suffer is in being taught that they are good-for-nothing slaves.This ideal, psychologically speaking is just dreadful. Being a witness kills off ambition and personal growth and JWs remain infantilized by their leaders (I know they hate the term "leaders" but it is the correct one).
Take it slowly from here, things will get a lot better as you learn more and begin to see your position with greater clarity. We have nearly all been through it and it is distressing to have been lied to about important things and also having been duped for such a big chunk of our lives.
It can take many months to get rid of the Watchtower voice perpetually prodding your rational brain!
You have friends here so do keep posting. Cyber hugs to you.
My heart goes out to you for all you have been through. I was unhappily married for twenty eight years to a disfellowshipped person, so I certainly understand some of what you have gone through. The only good thing that came out of it was that receiving no help or understanding from the elders for so many years made me learn to trust myself (well, eventually) and once I finally realized it was not, nor ever was, "the truth" I was able to walk away from the marriage and the religion. I never looked back, nor regretted my decision, it's been seventeen years now and I am happily married to a man that treats me very well, my life is all I could wish for at this point.