by JustHuman14 30 Replies latest jw experiences
You can never really live your life for someone else, you have to live your life for you, even if living and being your authentic self causes some pain to ones you love. Your mother lived her life, made her choices and had her time, you absolutely have the right to do the same.
This religion is toxic for you, it's like drinking a daily dose of poison. If you had children would you expect them to compromise themselves to such an extent for you?
JUST HUMAN:
If it were me, I would rectify my error by an immediate fade.
I also would screen phone calls and be careful when answering the door. If I encountered JWs in stores I would smile and keep moving. I'd never let them engage me in conversation and if asked directly would say I haven't been well. I'd look at my watch and say "ooh, gotta go! take care"!
Reason for going back it was the severe pressure from close family members to return back to the "Truth". I guess being a son of a CO it didn't took quite long to be reinstated.
I haven't read other people's responses (purposely), but the part from your post that I quoted caught my attention. I am actually more interested in knowing a little more about your rationale behind going back. Seems to me that it's not related to your own spiritual believes, at least not at first look. So I'm curious about:
I inquire because I'd like to know if you have thought that fading or leaving a second time may continue the same family relationship conflict. In fact, your leaving a second time may be even more difficult for you to deal with the pressure from your loved ones since you gave in once.
What I'm getting at is that in or out of the WT, and regardless of your current status, your family issues will not change unless you address them properly. Could a straight talk with your JW family about your standing, spiritually and with the WT help? Seems like after 15 years, if they have not gotten your disinterest, it may be because they might need a firm clear stand on where you are with the WT?
What has been the conversation with them? Do they know exactly how you feel about the WT? Do you think they should?
Hi Scratchme1010,
There many of you that I don't know, since I'm from the old ones in this forum. Well, I will try give you some more light in regards with my situation and the reason that I went back. For sure I don't believe that WT represents God on Earth, in fact I don't believe the in Bible anymore, specially the Old Testament, What I kept are just the Teachings of Jesus Christ, that I find them Universal.
In regards with my believes most of my family members know them, and personally I don't discuss with them any religion related matter. My brothers and parents didn't shun me at all. Don't forget the Greek families have strong bonds and WT can't really impose their shunning policy on them.
The reason I went back it was of my son who is not living with me, he is young at age and because of the WT brainwashing by the other grandparents (the one is Elder) I decided to go back because of him and to have easier access.
That was the only reason, and I'm working on the fade out process. I knew from the very start what I was going to do but I guess, still is hard, despite the fact I knew what it would be like.
I have missed my first son's wedding and really this was heartbreaking, since I was disfellowhshiped then. Is just you are looking for way to balance things but that is impossible in the WT world,
This time I will fade and that's it
JUST HUMAN- Hey my friend, I remember you very well indeed when you used to post here. I'm happy to hear that you couldn't live a pretend life within the JW organization anymore. That being said- there's no really easy way to leave. I agree with On The Way Out in that perhaps a quick exit would be better for you as you've tried the other type before.
The thing I feel that is positive with a quick exit is that it cuts through the BS of elders trying to dominate you. They can only dominate us if we ALLOW them to dominate us. If we are gone, invisible, vanish from the scene- then the elders are talking to the wind or a ghost- nobody . That's how I stopped attending in 2003.
Of course some JW family members will shun you - but you might explain to your mom that you just are depressed and have doubts, tell her it doesn't affect your love for her but that you just feel it's something that you need to do for you and take the time to reflect on things. If your mom loves you and accepts you unconditionally as my JW mom did ( she never shunned me in spite of me not attending for years up until her death ) then your mom will respect your decision and not force her views on you. If she doesn't respect your decision- oh well- then it's your mom that's messed up- not you.
Lisa Rose is correct - we cannot live the rest of our lives pleasing people who are going to find things wrong with us all the time. In fact, many times JW's will STILL look down on us once we start attending again and only socialize with us at meetings, not informally - until we " prove " our " spirituality " to them again. It's just not worth the effort to live a fake life for people who don't give a damn anyway. My 2 cents on this discussion. I wish you the best my friend, and am glad you're back ! Take care
Flippeeeer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How are you my old friend,,, good to see one of the old ones!
I always liked your advice. Good to see that you are still around. Well you know my story very well, this time is going to be my way...and I do have lot of excuses this time under my sleeve. My work that requires long trips and flying at least once a month, working on Sundays as well. I don't feel that they will dominate me this time, I have learned my lesson well and the game
I will send you a PM
I'm already reinstated
Ok you went through the ordeal of sitting in the back of the Hall...... probably came in a tad late and left right after the prayer to minimize everybody's embarrassment including yours.
You paid a price to be reinstated. Your parents can now talk to you.......... that was your gift to them.
You have earned the right to be back in their lives. However how much you want to participate in the congregation is your gift to yourself.
Often changing congregations can help as you can put a little distance between yourself....... new elders etc. They will not be as invested in you as your current congregation is and more then likely not as nosy if they hardly ever see you.
When the meetings, publications, conversations etc. become's a toxic experience......you need to protect yourself by avoiding the toxic atmosphere.
Switch congregations for a so called fresh start but use the gap time to create some space and peace of mind while your papers are being sent over. If you start to feel better you'll know that it's time to say by by.
Justhuman14 don't beat your self up to much, often in abusive relationships the victim returns to the perpetrator . In all honesty some go back because of this need to know if God love them or not mentality.
If Jw cult affected people are the main supply of rulers chosen to sit as kings on their own thrones in heaven , well heaven help us ! Can you imagine that a God of justice would choose the likes of any of the GB . These rulers are supposed tho judge all mankind , just think about that thought honestly , Rutherford Russell Franz sitting up there respecting each other's positions around the throne judging the innocent earthlings. And remember these are the pick of the crop of 144000 , not the crazy old sister that took the emblems and lived with ten cats.
If there is a God and he is choosing honest hearted ones to rule with him I know from the bottom of my heart that the guys above aren't smoking cigars with Jah.
Chook - "..Rutherford Russel Franz sitting up there respecting each other's positions..."
"Respecting each other's positions", huh?
That... doesn't actually sound all that "heavenly"...
Actually reminds me of a really funny joke I heard once about George W. Bush and Bill Clinton in Hell.
That was the only reason, and I'm working on the fade out process. I knew from the very start what I was going to do but I guess, still is hard, despite the fact I knew what it would be like.
Got it. You didn't mention a son. That's reason strong enough to return. Thanks.
