My return to the WT...a terrible mistake
I haven't posted for quite a bit, decided to share my thoughts on this one, so it is a reference topic for anyone who decides to return back to the Org, knowing all about the TATT
Being way for quite long for almost 15 years and all WT's activities, I have missed quite a lot including the "new light" latest updates, I found it quite hard to follow up what was going on to the meetings. New songs, WT broadcast, videos, internet (so WT now is in favor of the internet) cartoons, and everything seemed completely new and weird to me.
Reason for going back it was the severe pressure from close family members to return back to the "Truth". I guess being a son of a CO it didn't took quite long to be reinstated.
Few months after that I realize it was a terrible mistake. I just can't live or pretend to live in the WT. Being a JW cost me a lot, giving up a career in the show biz, education and someone that I loved but she was a " Worldly " person. What really irritates me is seeing those elders, who used to give talks against Worldly Education, and used me to give talks about education, and seek a career as pioneer, since the world was just about to witness Armageddon, (it was mid 80's so the Famous Generation was going to see the End) yes those elders have send their children to become, doctors, solicitors, architects and anything that WT used to condemn, while now I'm facing hard times due to my lack of education and because I have followed WT's guidance not to seek glory within the world.
I feel I can't take it anymore living in the WT land and pretend that I'm happy. I see all those JW's who used to turn their back away from me while seeing me walking in the street and pretend that I wasn't there. The ironic part of it, is all those ones, now they invite me for social gatherings.
I'm trying to fade out, and I don't know how I will achieve that. I find it hard to go through the same process, elder's phone calls, shepherding visits, I feel I don't have that strength. I just wanna wright a letter of disassociation and that's it. I thought I could pretend like an actor, but is becoming harder and harder each day.
At the same time I wouldn't like to make sad my elderly mother, since she was so happy when i return back, I'm trying to retain the balance, but I don't think I can make it...
If you are thinking returning to the WT one day my advice is not to do that. The prize is too high,,,,
Sorry to hear that you are struggling. If you went back for the sake of your elderly mother then keep that at the front of your mind before you make any decisions.
You do not have to accept phone calls and shepherding calls. Be too busy to take their calls or schedule visits. Fade slowly. Miss a meeting here and there and then gradually miss more. Since we are all using tablets etc at meetings you can even read something completely different at the meeting which I have seen many do. Keep your mind occupied.
Terrence O'Brien said at the Australian Royal Commission - "I think Mr Jackson, in his testimony, made the same point as I did in my testimony, that we don't believe it's an impossible choice. A person can stop associating with Jehovah's Witnesses, have nothing to do with Jehovah's Witnesses, without taking the step of disassociation. We've tried to make that very clear." (Day 259 transcript page 26536)
It is possible, it is hard.
It is never too late to become educated. Look into schools in your area. They will have counselors that you can talk to. If your family questions your choice to become more educated, then point out the elder's kids that got a college education.
I just graduated with an undergraduate degree in 2014. I was 38 years old. With hard times more and more adults are going to (or back to) college. They are called non-traditional students. Ask the schools that you look into about options and resources as a non-trad student. Check out the Financial Aid, you may be surprised how much assistance you can get. Look at trade schools as well as colleges. Check out your local community colleges if you aren't confident in your academic abilities. Only thing... be sure you know what you want to go for before you start. It is easy to make poor economic choices when you don't know what your end goal is.
Yes it can be hard trying to digest the vomit once your eyes are open..
all advice above is sound.
wt mothers as you mention having been denied a bare modicum of respect by the borg seek to dominate their offspring right to the end. They have in the main, been kept all along by working husbands and like the org itself have little concept of a mans heart desires to achieve an education, a trade ( know any plumbers out of work?) or profession.
Of others who go on to become 'professionals' well this is allowed to them why not you. Yes with all its gadgets the kh is now a form of 'Roman circus'. (check google) where the masses are entertained to keep them from thinking to much but all the while the reality of invasion is heading ever increasingly toward them.
Education? yes as these other caring posters have said here it is still well within your grasp and in your past you have suffered and achieved a whole boat load of experience that will take to your education experience if/when you undertake it. No damn it! WHEN you undertake it. I did at a mature age and while I am retired now I have ever walked taller for having gone to college..for one thing I had one too many high school teachers who called me dumb and I removed that slur once and for all.
So you are back in the asylum with all its gossipy, power manoeuvrings' closed mindedness. Go back on your own terms. Seek that education! Stand tall.
and find a lady to love....
MCTE. well said
JH14My heart goes out to you.
There's got to be away to go to maybe one meeting a week and spend most of it playing a game or reading something of interest on your IPad, so you don't have to listen to the trash. Unfortentaly I too may have to return, they are telling our kids that if we're not there then we don't matter and their fatherless. So I may have to go back and then when in, start feeding the kids some ttatt.
I appreciate you taking the time to write all of this...
You never know when your story will hit the eyes of someone else in a vulnerable position...
All you can do, really, is what is right for you in your own particular place and time...
You mentioned your mother, and how difficult the striking of the balance can be, when your own heart isn't in it, because you simply don't believe anymore...
I wish that I, or someone else here, could simply offer to you the correct steps forward, and that you could proceed from there...
Things here aren't so easy, are they? You seem to be wearing thin from proximity to the JW life...and I understand this well. You see, the JW life taxes your soul, your conscience...and even moreso once you wake up and admit to yourself and others that you simply DON'T BELIEVE...
And as empty as that is, it spells out why such a life is simply not worth it.
Please try, for your own sake, as well as others...to take it all in stride. Sudden moves will have lasting effects that your may later regret. Move toward your goal of fading slowly, and steadily.
Come back here often, for information, or just for support on your journey! We're rooting for you!
I don't think it's possible to be successfully plugged back in to the matrix. Once you know the truth, you will only damage yourself trying to live a lie.
Once you know TTATT you can NEVER go back!
For me my return was a surreal experience. The words from the podium lost their impact; goosebumps were replaced with nausea. I could see through the fake smiles and how are you's. For the first time I had my own opinion, and it made the meetings and watchtower study extremely frustrating. Even the simplest statement sent my mind racing. But the main thing was the emptiness of the whole exercise. It was like getting back into your old car that was rusted away. You put on layer and layer of new paint to try and keep it together, but the slightest bump and it falls apart.
My love and support goes out to you and all those in these situations! Be strong, you are not alone in this. There are people who care!