I haven't posted for quite a bit, decided to share my thoughts on this one, so it is a reference topic for anyone who decides to return back to the Org, knowing all about the TATT
Being way for quite long for almost 15 years and all WT's activities, I have missed quite a lot including the "new light" latest updates, I found it quite hard to follow up what was going on to the meetings. New songs, WT broadcast, videos, internet (so WT now is in favor of the internet) cartoons, and everything seemed completely new and weird to me.
Reason for going back it was the severe pressure from close family members to return back to the "Truth". I guess being a son of a CO it didn't took quite long to be reinstated.
Few months after that I realize it was a terrible mistake. I just can't live or pretend to live in the WT. Being a JW cost me a lot, giving up a career in the show biz, education and someone that I loved but she was a " Worldly " person. What really irritates me is seeing those elders, who used to give talks against Worldly Education, and used me to give talks about education, and seek a career as pioneer, since the world was just about to witness Armageddon, (it was mid 80's so the Famous Generation was going to see the End) yes those elders have send their children to become, doctors, solicitors, architects and anything that WT used to condemn, while now I'm facing hard times due to my lack of education and because I have followed WT's guidance not to seek glory within the world.
I feel I can't take it anymore living in the WT land and pretend that I'm happy. I see all those JW's who used to turn their back away from me while seeing me walking in the street and pretend that I wasn't there. The ironic part of it, is all those ones, now they invite me for social gatherings.
I'm trying to fade out, and I don't know how I will achieve that. I find it hard to go through the same process, elder's phone calls, shepherding visits, I feel I don't have that strength. I just wanna wright a letter of disassociation and that's it. I thought I could pretend like an actor, but is becoming harder and harder each day.
At the same time I wouldn't like to make sad my elderly mother, since she was so happy when i return back, I'm trying to retain the balance, but I don't think I can make it...
If you are thinking returning to the WT one day my advice is not to do that. The prize is too high,,,,