Just an update on me
Dearest Phebe, I send you my love and compassion. My husband had a similar reaction when the same thing happened in our family. It was when we realized this isn't just a local thing, that this is everywhere.We realized that many of those 'faithful' brothers we had known for years were rapists, kidnappers and child molesters- all in one hall, all interacting with the cong freely. If this was God's clean org this could not happen. It could not be happening throughout. This is hard. This is a quake to our very reality, but if you do believe in God know He will be a strength to you. He will guide you. He is guiding you. You know that 'by their fruits you will recognize them' and 'one faithful in least is faithful in much'. God is allowing you to see what you were once blind to. Now comes the time of free will. This is your choice. You have a God-given conscience and it is screaming out to you. I know this is scary, but you are not alone. There is your family and this wonderful ex-jw support system. Taste and see- you might find truth,freedom and friends. You might come to see your self as deserving. Phebe, this is hard, this seems to shake your core. Take a breath, see the beauty around you and step into it. Trust God, trust him like you never thought you would have to. Trust him directly, and see what happens. We have not been to a meeting in a little over a year. We have taken it slow, carefully and did research. I can say we have never been so happy, or known the Bible as well as we do now. We have been blessed with new friends and some old ones that were friends still are. Those who would ask you to ignore your conscience are not used by God, see them as they really are. Ask yourself, if someone who was not a witness came to you and told you to act against God's standards and your own conscience what would you do? You have held to strict standards for over 50 years, this was not easy. You can do this- I send my prayers.
Thank you so much everyone. You have no idea how much your kind words mean to me. I'm taking to heart your words of comfort and advice. Isn't it ironic that I get no support from the 'brothers' and yet on here, in a cyber world where I don't know any of you, I am comforted and helped. That really is a sign to me to finally leave my life as a JW behind me. Yesterday was a turning point. I couldn't stay in that meeting a minute longer,I had to go.
notlaone - your experience has really helped me. Thank you so much.
James Jack - it was too long ago. I've lived with it so long and it's truly damaged me and it was through therapy I decided to seek closure on it.
dubstepped I knew the elders had their hands tied, so to speak, but I thought if I appealed to my abuser and asked for an apology - that was all I wanted from him - then maybe I could finally put it behind me. But that's not happening and my elders don't seem to believe me now, anyway. As for any spiritual care? Nope, nothing from them.
Giordano - Thank you for translation link - definitely using it. When I said to my friend if this is God's organization why is he allowing all this abuse to carry on? She said Jehovah allows things to happen, we have to wait on him!
So to all of you lovely people, from the bottom of my heart - thank you. I hit rock bottom yesterday and you picked me up.