Hi everyone, I came on here a few weeks ago and told my story and you were so kind, caring and welcoming. Your messages of support moved me to tears. I was so grateful.
Well, to briefly recap, my husband left the 'truth' years ago, my kids too, so there was just me and I've struggled on alone. It all came to a head last summer when I was diagnosed with undischarged post traumatic stress. This comes from a horrendously unhappy childhood when I saw much violence and from being sexually abused on two occasions. And yes we were the 'perfect witness family' to everyone that knew us. Anyway, I've given my entire life to this religion (50 years baptized) I've been a pioneer - everything. So with my therapy I decided to approach the person that abused me and ask for an apology (He is a so called 'fine standing elder') I told elders in my congregation and, at first, they were all for going after him but I needed to be in control so I said I'd write a letter. He didn't reply. Of course. Why would he? I sent it twice. No reply.
The elders in my congregation continued to be supportive. They kept saying we're in your corner. We'll support you blah blah.
But, oh how they have changed!
Last week one of the elders came to my house and said: 'of course we STILL believe you, I mean why would anyone make that up? But if he denies it well, what can you do? Life isn't fair sometimes. You'll just have to put up with it and wait for the new system.'
So, clearly my abuser and his network of elder buddies has got to my elders and probably called me a crazy person telling lies.
My husband was so angry with them for the flippant way they spoke to me.
So today, I went to the meeting. I still go because they hassle me if I don't and because I have friends there, but my heart isn't in it anymore.
We stood up to sing the song about God appointing men who are faithful and true and the Wt is about putting our trust in them and I just lost it. I totally lost it. I burst into tears, picked up my bag, coat and books and ran out of the hall. An elderly brother (not an elders) said 'are you okay?' and I mumbled something and just ran out of that place and cried all the way home.
How could I sit and listen to how wonderful the elders were when my abuser was singing the same song in another congregation getting away with it? How could I hear how loving they are when I hear of dozen of cases of how badly elders treat people?
I walked home and I prayed. I told Jehovah I love him, I love Jesus. I want to serve him still but I cannot do this anymore. I'm done.
Thank you for listening. I needed to share it with someone and it helps to write it down.