Why take it personally?

by stuckinarut2 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • stuckinarut2

    A random thought occurred to me today.

    I actually feel genuinely sorry for witnesses who cut contact with ones they feel are no longer "spiritual" .

    They do this based NOT on anything that the person has actually done to them personally, but due to an imposed view from the society.

    It must play havoc with their inner conscience as they try and reconcile that the person they cut off has NOT actually done anything to harm them, but they have to view them as evil.

    It reminded me of this thread I started some time back


  • punkofnice

    This is a prickly pear of a subject.

    There are a;ways 2 sides to every story.

    In life, we cut ties with those we think are toxic to us but maybe not in an extreme way like the jobos do. Perhaps that's an over generalisation, so is for illustrative purposes only.

    At the end of the day, shunning is barbaric. whereas (I know this will annoy some but hard cheese), the leaders of this weirdo cult enforce it for their own self serving reasons.

  • ToesUp

    I have come to the conclusion that if former "friends" and family do not want anything to do with me or my family, it is their loss. My family has so much kindness and love to give. We did when we were JW's and nothing has changed. The only thing that has changed is our beliefs. They can not get past, "that you left Jehovah" (aka, the organization). We finally realized that Jehovah is the organization. Life goes on and we are enjoying the short life we are given.

    If these ones don't want us, we reverse shun them. "Turnabout is fair play."

  • StarTrekAngel

    I believe it is ok to not take personally as if the person is doing this to you in full knowledge of what is involved. However, it is unacceptable in my view, and in the whole sense of the word, to allow this mofos to put a weight in your and/or their lives for the sole purpose of their own benefit. It is wrong for them to shun you just as much as, if not more, than for you to shun them. Besides, if you make it clear that you are shunning them as well, it does nothing but to reinforce the teaching that you are a bad person.

  • stuckinarut2

    Nice comments!
    Yes, I still treat all individuals the same way. I hold nothing against any witness.

    It just amazes me that they on the other hand feel justified or even compelled to treat us like we have done something wrong. All in fact we have done is research the "truth". In fact we are the ones who need support, as we have been rocked by the facts we have discovered.

    Ah well...cults will act like cults I guess.

  • Landy

    Not so sure that they do, by and large, feel remorse for treating disfellowshipped ones like pariahs.

    In my experience the majority of witnesses are very superior and holier than thou and loved a reason to look down on others.

  • stuckinarut2

    Good point Landy!

    I guess that they feel "righteously justified" in doing so!

  • HereIgo

    Its very unfortunate when witnesses do this and shows just how self righteous some of them are. I have a fleshly brother who behaves this way. He cut off our sister who was struggling spiritually because she wasn't active at the meetings at that time. I remember being blown away at the arrogance he showed by not wanting to talk to her while she was "inactive". I guess he forgot that while baptized, he has had the police called on him for domestic violence as well as being drunk in public and arrested. The nerve!

  • rebel8

    In life, we cut ties with those we think are toxic to us but maybe not in an extreme way like the jobos do.

    Yes, I get it, the leaders are responsible for manipulating people. They have a lot of guilt.

    But there is personal responsibility too.Because of the psychological manipulation, good people do bad things, but if they are truly good and strong, they will eventually do the right thing. IMHO.

    I did.

    I was physically abused for disobedience to the cult many times, and financially abused to the point of having no escape, and psychologically manipulated from childhood on.

    But I did let myself acknowledge that goodness and truth have nothing to fear from exposure to other views.

    I shun toxic people to this very day, and there is nothing wrong with that.

    The difference between me and dubs is that I have an honest definition of "toxic" now. It took a ton of courage and risk to figure it out on my own and escape from the situation that required me to shun the wrong people.

    Come to think of it, I have never had an opportunity to apologize for shunning anybody. I am very sorry.

  • GrreatTeacher

    I think that they are aware on some level that it is wrong and they feel bad about it. But, they are also secretly pleased that something that feels so bad and wrong is justified so they can feel just fine about behaving badly.

    It almost enables sociopathy. I imagine it attracts quite a few. Finally, doing bad things is perfectly okay, in fact, righteous!

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