Filing for Divorce

by iiz2cool 28 Replies latest jw friends

  • Maverick

    iiz2cool: I can relate to your situation, having been married for 15 years and now divorced 5. The general rule in the US is, "He who files first loses the least!" Say nothing, file, and then take her name off your accounts, (all of them). Cancel your joint credit cards and seperate anything else you can from her. Health insurance, car loans, car insurance, loans of any kind. Think it through but waste no time. Tell her nothing until she is served. When the ship of love is sinking there is only one life jacket! As a general rule the courts favor the ladies so don't be a sentimental dope and bend over! Maverick

  • Mary
    I suspect my wife is already considering divorce too, but is waiting for my mother to pass away, so that she can get half of my inheiritance. She can legally do this if I receive it while we are still married. My mother doesn't have long to live, as she's 81 now and has cancer.

    Typical Witness behaviour eh? In that case, I would definitely file for divorce NOW, without hesistation, so she can't get half. Good luck.

  • Robdar

    Hi Walter, welcome to the board.

    I would file right now. I don't know about Canadian laws but in Missouri, where I live, you should be prepared to pay your x spousal support. You have been married over 10 years. Unless she makes more than you, at which point, she may have to pay you support.

    Also, the divorce interrogatories will ask about future money that you may get. You will have to list that and she may still be entitiled to some of it.

    Around here, if you leave the house and she stays in it, you may never see the house again. My x was surprised to learn that, let me tell you.

    What I am trying to tell you is that you will not get out of this marriage without paying a lot of money.

    The thing to do is get you an attorney. A good one. One that eats raw meat for breakfast. Also be prepared to have to pay your x's attorney too.

    I wish you luck.


  • calamityjane

    Walter, sorry to here about this. Divorce is never a pretty picture.

    I work in Family Law, your inheritance will be excluded from your Net Family Property. But I would suggest separating prior to your mother passing on, it would make things easier, and cheaper in the long run. I have been on too many files where the wife and her lawyer just won't budge on issues of assets, and it's a costly process to finally put a Separation Agreement into place and obtain a divorce.

    Our ususal practice is to get the Separation Agreement in placed and signed, property divided, etc. and then one year after separation you can obtain an uncontested divorce without any snags.

    If you need any advice you can personal message me.


  • NeonMadman

    I was in the same position a few years ago as you are now, except it was my wife who filed the divorce (She got the OK from the elders based upon her own adultery). Here are a few tips I wish someone had told me:

    • If you have mutual credit cards, either cancel them or have her name taken off as an authorized user. I didn't, and my ex charged up $12,500 that I had to pay back.
    • If you have a joint bank account, remove whatever funds you don't want her to have and put them into an account in your name only. I didn't, and she cleaned out the account except for a small amount she left so that I could pay the mortgage (so her interest in the house wouldn't be threatened).
    • Catalog your possessions, especially family heirlooms that may have some cash value. My ex grabbed everything she could going out the door, including gold that was given to me by my grandmother, and a lot of things that had belonged to my mother, who died when I was born. My ex, of course, was only interested in the cash value, but these things had more value to me than money. There was so much going on during the divorce, that I never realized a lot of these things were gone until it was all over.
    • File the divorce immediately, before anything happens to your mother. My father died while my divorce was in progress, and she got nearly all of my inheritance (what she didn't get went to lawyers).
    • Talk to a lawyer immediately!!

    If you think she is too good of a person to do sleazy things like my ex did, think again and take the precautions anyway. I thought the same way. Once her lawyer starts bending her ear, she'll get all sorts of wild ideas about what she is "entitled" to. If you don't take precautions in advance, it will be too late.

  • unbeliever

    I work for a family law attorney and I have seen so many people get screwed by not getting legal representation right away. They settle for these do it yourself divorce kits even when the divorce will be contested. I have even seen couples use the same lawyer. Its a stupid thing to do. Shop for a lawyer. Don't settle on the first one you come across.

    You have been given some very good advice about getting her name off your credit cards, separate accounts, etc. Protect yourself.

  • Skeptic

    I am glad you don't have kids...that makes it much easier, not to mention that you can get your spouse completely out of your life forever if you choose. If you had kids, you would be tied to your ex for a long, long time.

    You may not have to pay spousal support. If you don't, the more time that goes by, the better your chances of never having to pay it at all. The longer your spouse goes without spousal support, the harder it is for your ex to justify needing it.

    NeoMadman's advice is sound. Get yourself financially separated from your ex as soon as possible. Especially on any active credit cards. Make sure your name is off them after you separate; the companies cannot come after you then.

    Same with joint bank accounts. Legally, your ex can clean out the account if she is on the account. Also, your ex can remove you without your consent. Most people don't know you can do that in Ontario.

  • smack

    you can of course be legally seperated while still living in the same house. At least in Australia you can.

  • calamityjane

    smack is right, you can be legally separated by Ontario Law also. We have many clients that are separated and living at the matrimonial home, until one or the other finds suitable accommodation. But you and your wife would have to agree on what date the separation actually occurred. We've had those problems too, where they don't agree on the separation date, which could bring into question the value of assets, at the date of separation. Neonmadman is right in saying that your wife may be quite amicable right now, but depending on the lawyer she gets, she can become quite fierce in what she wants.

    Be careful.

  • ashitaka

    Yeah man, get out before the cash comes. She'll try to wring you dry.

    It's the bitches that'll getchya.


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