The Thief of Always

by YinzerDad 31 Replies latest jw experiences

  • never a jw
    never a jw


    You are young, smart, educated and free. Even without a strong passion for anything, you are way ahead of most. I have never been a JW, and yet I can identify with the "no fire in the belly" idea to some degree. I, however will share with you and this forum my ultimate goal in life, to die knowing that I contributed to make this world a better place for the next generations. I can't quite bring the passion out, but I do get a sense of satisfaction at the end every day knowing that I gave more than I took. I am 50 and in good health, but the old age, when the "give more than you take" reverses, is inexorably approaching. My immediate goal is to postpone that time for as long as I can. Life may be intrinsically meaningless, and that's the beauty of it, because you get to choose that meaning.

  • Diogenesister

    WingCommander5 hours ago
    I crush weights at the gym nearly every day, watch what I eat and what I drink, and also love to target shoot and collect knives. I like to watch 80's flicks and The X-Files.
    I'm 36. Welcome to the forum.

    Is this a joke?

    I've just been watching Toast of London on the TV, maybe I'm just a bit over satire - ized?

  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Welcome, welcome welcome!

    I am in my 60's, and my whole life have had a love of children... look into their eyes, what do you see? you see what they are thinking... spend some time with them, you can see the thrill they have in learning, exploring, discovering. I still feel that way (even at my age) when I talk to little ones.

    You have a child, that will help you explore the world through their eyes, and they will LOVE that you are with them! I just watched this YouTube video about a dad teaching his little boy (only a little over one year old) how to break dance... Dad would bop and hop and spin a bit, and then he'd stop... point at his son, to say, "you're on! go for it"... then his SON would jive and move and try to "spin" wobble, stand up and point at his dad! "Go dad!" The look on his face was preeeeecccciiiooooouuusss! Spend time with your kids, it is heartwarming! A treasure!

    They may give you ideas you never have thought of... enjoy each second, do not waste one!

    Let us know how it goes,

    cha ching!

  • steve2

    Well, I did graduate college. And graduate school. And now, I'm 31, at a perfunctory job, attending group therapy and honestly cannot answer the question "What are you passionate about?" Because I was robbed of something I can never get back.

    You are so welcome to an active place on this forum YinzerDad. You are a much younger version of me - but probably not as nice looking as I was when I was in my 20s and 30s!

    My maternal grandmother, in the "truth" since the mid-1920s warned me when I was about to leave school that I should NOT pursue a career in journalism because 1) it was worldly but more importantly, 2) the end would be here before I qualified. This was in 1969.

    My JW parents, mother in particular, backed up my grandmother's message.

    So, I didn't go to college - I pioneered as so many young JWs did back in those days (no so sure as many still do).

    I decisively left the organization in the 1980s after being in correspondence with Raymond Franz. I had previously concluded that I was the problem and that, at worst, my problems were related to local congregation "personalities" - but Ray reveal the rot started from the top.

    Let me say, YinzerDad, you write so well and your style is incredibly wistful.

    You are on a wonderfully exciting and nerve-wracking journey. You have been robbed of many things over the years of being captive to jw organization. On the other hand, richness of life and earnestness of endeavor are often deepened by hardship of one kind or another. Freedom from struggle is not necessarily instructive in the longer term. Oh, I do not subscribe to the stupid belief that bad things are "sent:" to us for a purpose. But I do think that, given "bad" things happen, it would be a shame not to derive meaning and wisdom from them.

    I have heard of the book that forms your title but I do so appreciate your thoughtful synopsis and application of it.

    I have a sense you will prosper, amid the misgivings and the tremblings.

    Your group therapy sounds very helpful too.

    During your new journey, you will hear a loud supportive inner voice. It will say, "No wonder!" as you stumble and struggle. Given what you have been through, how could your experience and inner difficulties be any different?

    Best of all, whilst loved ones and friends in the organization will be hanging out for you to go through something bad to bring you to your senses, you will be drawing upon your innate strengths and values - and thrive as never before into a new life.

    Run from people who entice you with "received truth". Run to people who encourage intelligent inquiry.

    Best, steve2

  • Tenacious

    A very big welcome YinzerDad!

    Your story mirrors mine and many, many members here.

    We cannot get back our childhood. Even in JW promised Paradise, we cannot revert back to childhood and experience those little things and like you point out, the ability to become passionate about something that leads us to something bigger and better in life.

    I look back at my childhood and Mom was the classic uneducated, struggling, and miserable person which is exactly what the JW's look for. The vulnerable! And therefore, I join you in regretting the fact that I was never afforded a truly free and normal childhood. Those that are on the outside looking in cannot possibly understand but you sum it up nicely when you write:

    "What I can't get back is my childlike ability to imagine what I want to be when I grow up. Because that's what kids do. And it is a fundamental point in childhood development because that's when you develop a passion for something. It could be a passion for leadership, for sports... something. I was never afforded the opportunity to do that. Because the end was nigh."

    I feel your pain Yinzer, I and many of us here. And I, like you also attended college. Hang in there. And live life. Live everyday like it's your last day. Live it for yourself. And live it for those that never got the opportunity to do so.


  • LisaRose

    What a very moving opening post, my heart aches for you. I have two adult children, actually older than you. Neither one ever got baptized, but I knew that their JW past still affected them, there is no getting around that fact. I have apologized to them for bringing them up in a cult, for robbing them of what they might have been. It's not just the children that stayed in the organization that have been been affected, it's also the ones that left, but that left with a missing piece of themselves.

    Thanks for sharing your story.

    Lisa 🌹

  • kp138
    Yinzer Dad you put in words what I have been feeling my entire life.
  • AudeSapere

    Fantastic post! Made me cry and laugh.

    I, too, acutely felt that emptiness that comes with realizing that I don't know where my passion lies. I have a few interests now, but envy those that have developed their passions and are thrilled with them

    This was particularly funny: Like those in their 70s or 80s that have seen the "generation" teaching get so freaking bright they just can't see anymore.

    hehehe Just tickled me. Thank you.

    Welcome to JWN!

    -AudeSapere (meaning: Dare to Know; Dare to Have Wisdom/Understanding; Dare to Think for Yourself!)

  • Dunedain

    @ - YinzerDad - Welcome dude, i really enjoyed the anology of that book, its very pertinent for all of us. I look forward to "hanging" with you here, and with everyone else.

    I can relate to a LOT of what you say. I was a born in, also, and was baptised, hence DF'd. I was lucky enough to be, unfairly, kicked out at 22 years old. I also, was never directed, and or prepared for college. I had incredibly high grades in school, and was always in accellerated classes. My grades were so high, that i was being offered fully paid scholarships at the age of 13. I declined EVERY one, do to not "pursuing higher education".

    When i was "booted" at 22 years old, i was left "high and dry". No higher education, no "friends", no social circle, we all know the deal. Fortunately, i did NOT let it dictate me, and my future. I started a small, simple little, part-time business, with a "good idea", and $1500.00 bucks.

    NOW, at 40 years of age, i run the multi-million dollar company, that i own, and started 19 years ago with $1500.00 dollars. I became a landlord at 25 years old, and continue to buy multi family, investment properties. I am a father of 2 girls, with a loving partner.

    All of these years, i have, and continue to, struggle with having been raised as a JW in a high control cult. It is "with me" everday, and in many thoughts and decisions, BUT i vowed to never let it "BEAT ME", and dictate my life. I do struggle with it, but vowed to overcome it, many years ago.

    I recommend "living" for and thru your children. I HAVE hobbys, too. I collect G.I Joes, Transformers, and stuff i like. I transformed my 2 car garage, into a "collectors dream". Its basically like my own "toy store", in my backyard. I collect, and paint Civil war figures. I go on many, many, little vacations, and getaways, with my family, all the time. We love it, and it keeps us close as a family. Yet, i still struggle EVERYDAY, with having been raised a JW. My wife, who knew NOTHING about JW's before we met, sees it sometimes, and realises that it has had an "affect" on me.

    My point being, though, is not to brag, but to show that you CAN still enjoy, and create for yourself an awesome life, and STILL with the "scars" of a JW past. It may never go away COMPLETELY. We may never "get over it", and thats FINE. We must learn to "live" with it, and what we must do is put things in "perspective". In all situations in life, there is good and bad. We must hold on to the good, deal with the bad, but not let it ditate our lives.

    You ARE way ahead of the game, dude. You HAVE a lot going for you. Nurture that good, develop those positive things, and learn from the negatives in our pasts. Yes it IS there, but do not let it CONTINUE to "control" you. YOU are in control now, and YOU are the maker of YOUR own destiny. You are young, and WILL, probably get a hobby, or a passion. Try different things out. Heck, i started buying and collecting Nerf guns, for example. I then, had fun "modifing" them, so they could shoot further. It was FUN. The simple things in life can be. Enjoy your family, make work as enjoyable as ya can, find a hobby by trying things out, and remember you will NEVER be able to go back and NOT have been born as a JW, but you CAN enjoy life still and change the here and now and your future.

  • WingCommander

    @ Diogensister: Um, NO, what I said was NOT a joke. Do I look like a clown? Do I amuse you?

    I wrote what was on my mind, it was not satire. What's YOUR problem?

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