The "loving" elders

by acsot 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • acsot

    I haven’t been responding to many posts lately, I’ve sort of had my hands full.

    I haven't been to the meetings in about 4-1/2 months - my mother has had two strokes and been in the hospital and doing rehab. (Before that I was occasionally going in order to bring her to the hall, my mother is in her 80s and the dubs are her only social outlet. No one has a clue that I’ve had my “eyes opened” about the borg.) After a couple of token visits to her by a couple of the elders, I haven't heard a thing from them. Fortunately, I had already disconnected from the borg (thanks in large part to this place ) so wasn't exactly devastated by the overwhelming apathy. (I have to say that some of the rank and file dubs have been wonderful and caring - isn't that usually the way it is?)

    Now my mother is home and a couple of the JWs who have helped me out are aware of that fact, so low and behold! I get a call from one of the elders on Saturday and then another one drops by the next day. So very solicitous of them, wanting to visit my mother like that (of course, we live all of about 2 minutes from both of them )

    When elder #1 asked me what I was doing about the meetings I said "well, you know I speak Spanish, and their meetings are on different days than ours". Which is the truth. And which doesn’t make any sense at all as an answer. It doesn't mean anything about my meeting attendance but a non-answer is as good as any other answer, so he took the bait and said "oh, yes of course, well that's good." Then I said: "Frankly, I haven't heard much of anything from the elders during all this time, it would have been good to have some help." Elder #1: "Oh well, I appreciate your mentioning that. We're going to be bringing that up at the elders' meeting." Yeah, right.

    Then he asked about dropping by to see my mother (since he and his wife were coming by our way anyway ). I told him that she was napping (the truth) and that it's necessary to call beforehand to see how she's feeling before seeing her.

    Then the same weekend Elder #2 rings the bell, as he's walking by my house to get to his house (don't want to go out of our way now, do we?) Asks to see my mum. She's napping (bless her soul). I tell him to phone beforehand. He then tells me that the elders are meeting because of the C.O.'s visit and that they'll see what can be done to help my mother. Ah ha, yes, now it's clear, put on a show for the C.O. He asks about the meetings. I give him the same non-answer. Then I say, “maybe I’ll switch my publisher card over to Spanish.” “Well, you can keep your card here for now.” (I’ve been handing in fake time reports for a year! I love helping to distort their precious annual report.) Of course they want my card here, it wouldn’t look good just before the C.O. visits, would he ask why the daughter of an elderly, infirm sister has to attend another congregation when an English one is five minutes away?

    Anyhow, I haven’t heard from them - no phone calls to visit my mother, no help organized (I gave them a time limit otherwise I’d have to arrange for her to attend a seniors day center with horrible worldly people - a nurse, a physiotherapist, as well as loads of activities and outings ). Well, I ain’t holding my breath and in a way I’m relieved they’ve been a no-show, otherwise I might feel obligated to get my mother to a meeting or two ’cause she’d want to see everyone. As it is, with her memory problems, things are starting to fade, and I have no intention of helping her reminisce about meetings and conventions and whatnot.

    Just thought I’d give you an update!

  • Scully

    Thanks so much for the update acsot!!

    Strokes are funny things... some outcomes are predictable and others are not. At least you can do some good for your mom and yourself while you are doing your fade.

    You are doing a great job of fending off the elders... it's kind of fun sending them on a wild goose chase, ísn't it?? LOL

    Love, Scully

  • blondie
    They say but do not perform.

    Boy, acsot, you and your mom have been through the ringer. Oh, yes, the problem is with the elders is they only "arrange" for others to do the work and very few sisters nowadays are stay-at-home, most have full-time jobs. Then it means getting the pioneer sisters to do it, but then they can't get their time in. I'm glad you have some outside help.

    Switch your card. They can't stop you. And then just don't get to the Spanish congregation.

    Has the CO already come and gone?

    I wish I could be there. My hubby is recovering from heart failure and an operation may be in his future in about 4 months.



  • Satanus

    Ya, ask them to switch your card. Then, a little later, helpfully offer to take it over there for them. One of them could just drop it off w you when they visit your mom, or something like that. Once you have the card ... Just a thought.


  • blondie

    SS, they almost never give the card to the publisher anymore (I'm sure someone out there has an exception, but over all you only see your card with the secretary there to monitor you). You supply the name and address of the secretary in your new congregation and the secretary in the old one is supposed to write a cover letter and send it to the secretary in the new one.

    But not attending the new congregation after having your card sent to it, does put a crimp in the process. The new elder body usually do not know you very well and do not feel as strong an obligation to "shepherd" you.

    Whatever you can do, acsot, to keep the false shepherds at bay.

    I so sorry about how things are going with your mom.


  • integ


    Nothing wrong with "faking" your time reports, you're just using theocratic war strategy. You only have to tell the truth to those who are "entitled" to it.


  • acsot

    Blondie, thanks for the kind words. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. I sometimes ask myself: can't they figure out that their attitudes are the problem - they must know down deep that they're not fulfilling Christ's command to love one another, and that the callousness is one of the ways to show that the borg certainly does not have God's (if he exists) approval. Of course, it only makes exiting easier for those like me who have no other family than my mother. My brother and his companion are not JWs thank goodness. They've said to me that they could never figure out why I stayed so long - I don't fit the norm, as they see it, of submissive women serving the "men folk". I'm single, independent and hate being told what to do . I ask myself the same question, and I guess it all stems to being where I thought I could find approval and belonging (besides being brought up in it!!). They now say that I'm like a "whole" person - it's good to hear.

    One thing about switching to Spanish is that I can play the "poor me, cold callous English congregations not helping at all", since many of the ones I knew in the Spanish circuit made comments such as those about the other language groups (and vice versa). The English would go on about the poor, unsophisticated Latino immigrants who can't organize anything nor be responsible for things such as the Kingdom Hall renovations, etc. Racism is alive and well in many shapes and form in the borg.

    SS: I think I will ask to bring my card over, but I doubt they'll accept, as Blondie mentioned.

    Actually, I may even "auxiliary pioneer" while in Spanish . I get quite a kick out of sabotaging their precious accounting system. I show up at month end, pop in a report in the box, wander over to the restroom, forget something in the car, and then oops! Gone! Ten minutes of my time once a month is something I can manage. I may then switch congregations again and disappear for good. My plan is that in about six months' I will have stepped foot in a Kingdom Hall for the last time. Living in a major city and speaking more than one language definitely helps. I feel bad for those in small towns who really can't disappear, or those married to super-dubs. What a nightmare that must be.

    Blondie, please update us about your husband. I'll keep y'all posted about anything interesting.

  • Brummie
    Anyhow, I haven’t heard from them - no phone calls to visit my mother, no help organized

    grrrr, seems to me they are only interested in judicial situations, they have their priorities wrong as usual. For instance, if you told them your mother was seen smoking a cigarrette they wouldnt waste another minute in getting on her case, they would be standing in line to "help" her.

    Actually, I may even "auxiliary pioneer" while in Spanish


  • wannaexit

    Sorry to hear about your mum. Its hard to see our aged parents deteriorate. You are a very good person to want to take care of her like you do. I commend you. Acsot you are a fine example.

    It's funny how fake elders are. They are not interested in the flock, they just want to look good for the C.O. This is so typical of most of them. There are no "loving elders" only "plastic elders"


  • cat1759


    Sorry to hear about your mom. Such a hard time in life when we watch these things happening and there isn't anyone to really carry the responsiblity. Thank Goodness she has you.

    You know we could all send cards to your mom so she knows that there are others that care for her. We did this on another site and her mom couldn't beleive the love. It made her day full of sunshine with each card she read.

    Just a thought!


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