Disfellowshipped/disassociated – How did your parents handle it?

by Richard_I 22 Replies latest jw experiences

  • carla

    If this thread alone doesn't convince people that the jw's are a cult, I don't know what would.

  • blondie

    Carla, jws have blinkers on, they only see what they want to. Something has to happen to them (their own experience) that makes them open their eyes.

    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him/her drink.

  • Juan Viejo2
    Juan Viejo2

    Over the years I've discovered that the best way to "disassociate" is just to move to a new town or (preferably) out of state when you can. Then, when you call, write, or otherwise communicate with your family - just keep the calls very short and ask about them. Don't bring up JWs or the Watchtower at any time during your calls or when you send them a card or a letter. Make the calls have one purpose and one only - checking up on them and their health and well-being. If they ask about you, just respond that all is well and that your life is pretty much "the same old same old." If they start asking about anything JW related, just tell them that you've got to go and hang up. They'll eventually get the idea and stop asking. Remember that most parents and relatives really don't want to get themselves into a corner and be forced to "shun" any of their family. For them "ignorance is bliss."

    Remember too that the more distant and more difficult for them to visit or get feedback from others about you - the better things will go. Moving frequently helps as well, so if you rent or roommate that will help, at least at the beginning.

    On the other hand, if you really detest your JW family members, find them boring and uninteresting, just avoid them and go silent for an extended period. Send them your new address when you move, but give them no other information that might drive their curiosity. Don't share that you are "rooming with a buddy" (male or female) because their first questions will be "male or female" and "are they Jehovah's Witnesses?" They don't need to know. Get yourself a postal mailbox and a generic email address. Tell them that you are very busy, so send you a letter or card or email you if they want to communicate and you will get right back to them.

    I realized early on that keeping minimal contact with my family worked better than trying to chat with them every few days or even every month or so. JWs rarely have any new news to share and always want to steer the conversation to "theocratic subjects," so once the questions about health, new babies in the family, and the weather are covered, then consider excusing yourself from the call. I immediately terminate the call (not a hangup - but rather "Good chatting with you. Gotta run.") I find that saying "Talk to you soon" and then getting off the phone quickly works best to avoid a nasty or upsetting end to a call. Always inquire about elderly and sick family members to show that you still care about everyone's well being. Hopefully, they will get the idea that you really do care about them no matter what and they will avoid stepping into a trap of their own making.

    I learned a long time ago that my parents and other close relatives would chat with me for as long as it was short and sweet and did not bring up JW issues at all. If they did try to open up that subject, I would just say, "Would love to chat, but really have to go" every time they did that. Guess what - they stopped bringing up the subject reflexively.

    Unless you are a real fan of telephone conversations, keep everything in your control by sending them short letters or greeting cards. That way you show them that you still care and think about them frequently. They'll figure it all out eventually and if they truly want to retain some relationship with you, they will observe the unspoken rules and keep their conversations to a minimum and stay on family subjects (health, weather, homestead, new babies, etc.)

    Juan Viejo

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