My Ex Wife Admitted She Doesnt Believe It's The Truth

by pale.emperor 42 Replies latest jw experiences

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  DJS

  Ditto to neverajw.

  Proven to be unreliable is an understatement. If what Pale tells us is true, she has sold him for pieces of silver, plunged the dagger into his back, thrown him under the bus and rolled over on him faster than a 5$ hooker.

  Pale, based on what I read and my experiences, seems to be a man who needs a woman in his life or else he can't function/behave/bathe. I know so many men who went from mommy to wifey to divorce to an immediate replacement. And so on and so on.

  Sometimes it works out; sometimes they've simply replaced the devil they knew for the devil they wish they had never met.

  These men typically hate being alone, don't like eating alone, don't want to cook or make a home a home, can't seem to have a social life without a female on their arm, and need the comfort and nurturing a female provides. So Pale you may have some issues for which you need some intense self reflection.

  I find these men pathetic, really. But that's me. Pale, you may want to consider avoiding long term relationships with any human having a XX chromosome pattern for a while. Otherwise you may be the proverbial ball inside the pinball machine.

  Don't get me wrong; earth girls are soft, warm and yummy. I highly recommend them. But they are also complicated pieces of machinery for which no man has or ever will be competent to understand. Go s-l-o-w-l-y is what I'm trying to say. And protect your heart, cause it has to be hurting like hell.

  IMHO, OCD is telling you what you want to hear, and it seems to be working. Good luck Pale.
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  flipper

  Pale Emperor - I agree with the others here to encourage your ex-wife to keep looking into and researching her doubts as it seems she really has those doubts about the WT Society - but guard your emotions and guard her possible ability to try to manipulate you back into a romantic relationship. Especially if you've already moved on.

  The problem is like some mentioned that your ex-wife is really concerned about what her JW friends and family think of her - so her confiding in you about her doubts - although positive for her in and of itself - kind of puts pressure on you to keep that confidential for her as you see her waffling back and forth in regards to pleasing her staunch JW elder dad and family - and - at the same time trying to raise your daughter with you in a co-parenting situation.

  Years ago I dealt with an ex-JW wife who was more fanatic than yours- but turned our teenage kids at the time against me. Another thing you have to watch carefully. Pay attention to what your ex-wife is telling your daughter and what your ex-wife's parents are putting into your daughters head - then take a deep breath - and be happy you have a new girlfriend who shows you support.

  There are so many variables here that it's impossible for anyone to tell you what to do- but the need to be smart, cautious, and follow the old adage " fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me " seems to possibly apply here in this situation. Your ex-wife is in a very fragile emotional state waffling between pleasing her staunch JW parents and raising a daughter with you. Just be careful my friend, think and proceed with caution. Hang in there, we're here for you as friends and a support no matter what you do
  
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  Sail Away

  pale emperor, my heart breaks for you and your little family. I would like to weigh in on the side of compassion for your ex. Please re-read the post by JW Daughter near the top of the second page of this thread. There are so many issues to weigh here. You are both in a whole lot of pain, and the common enemy is the WTBS.

  I am not proud to say that it took 30 years after my husband left the organization to wake up, and I still suffer from all the pain that we caused one another as individuals, as a couple and as parents. I am so fortunate to have adult children who have said they understand that anything I ever did was out of love.

  Please remember that you were once under undue influence too. We all did things in that state that were certainly not our best moments and likely were not true representations of who we really are as people, otherwise it is not likely that we would be here.

  I understand that the harsh words and judgments expressed toward your ex in this thread come from a place of pain. I'm not saying to throw caution to the wind. I'm just advising you to look underneath the fear and anger you both feel and see if both of your actions might, in fact, be motivated by love. Keep in mind that you both cared enough about each other to commit to sharing a life and family together. There is no need to destroy that now. Moving on, if that is where you presently are, is one thing. A scorched earth policy is another.

  Out of concern for your child, please support your ex to the best of your ability now when she needs it the most. You know that there is no honorable way to leave this cult. The pain and confusion of cognitive dissonance can be life threatening. It was for me. How could it not. As a wife and mother I loved my husband and children, but felt helpless to save them from what I believed to be certain destruction while at the same time believing that a loving and just God could do no such thing. We were indoctrinated to believe that the only way to save our family is to stay loyal to Jehovah and his organization, a theme that was hammered home with ever more vitriol in the conventions this year.

  You know what it is like to lose everything. It takes an extremely strong person to even consider it. I know this because my husband will sit next to me in my dark moments of remembering the past and assure me that I am the most honorable person he knows. That I have always wanted to do the right thing. I simply trusted the wrong people, who were in a position of authority over me since childhood, and they abused that authority. When I woke up to that, I walked away.

  Wishing your family peace,

  Diane
• 

  Je.suis.oisif

  Pale, stand back & protect yourself first. I'm not saying don't support, that would be awful, but some people just suck & suck & suck until there's nothing left of who you were.

  This can be true of non-jw's, but IMHO jw's are masters at it because their scope for self-improvement lies in a very narrow frame-work. Plus many have closed minds to wordly self-improvement. Many of us are people pleasers and push aside self-preservation to ease anothers suffering. Then we realise to our detriment we're in over our heads.

  The fact that you have a Gf & didn't drop her with suggestions to get back with your ex speaks volumes.

  Tread carefully & take care of yourself.
• 

  shadow

  Pale says he's separated from his wife and also calls her his ex. I thought that meant he's still married?? Married with a girlfriend?? Doesn't seem OK to me if that is the situation.
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  Worldling9

  Wow, this is tough. It does sound like the ex could really use your support, but please do tread carefully and slowly. It seems to me that what she needs most is a very good non-JW therapist. You must take care of yourself first so that you can be the father your child deserves. She needs at least one stable parent, but 2 would be better. I hope the ex will be open to getting some serious help.
  
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  Esse quam videri

  shadow

  ' ...Married 7 years then new girlfriend within only 4 months??? I feel sorry for your wife... '

  That's 'new girlfriend' not 'new wife'.
  
• 

  bethelyellowdollarbag

  I'm "Sail Away's" husband so your experience resonates with us. I am not a regular here I post more often on Reddit under bethelrmayflower.

  I feel your pain as my wife left me several times because she was so confused and conflicted. I totally get the anger and feelings of betrayal. After all from our point of view they choosing some scam artists over us. You want to kick something or worse. I have no idea what your situation is other than what you wrote.

  What I can do is tell you about my thinking and it is up to you to decide if any of this applies to your situation.

  When SA (sailaway) left I was angry and hurt and lost and lonely and scared. It seemed like it was over, it sure looked like it was over based on what was said and reasons given etc. I went to a nature walk in town and had a good time. I was flattered that three single women were giving me a lot of attention. Some guys flirt and attract attention and some do not. I'm one of the ones who never wears a wedding ring and have never had a problem, so this was new to me. Apparently, nurses can be very consoling. But then I got to thinking that it's not over until it's over. I still loved SA and even though she said she didn't love me anymore. She is a good person at heart and any pain she caused was not from her but from outside forces, the cult being the biggest.

  This happened several times and she never gave up her religion but came back anyway. She didn't have JW family to make it harder like your wife does so there is that difference.

  It took a long long time for SA to finally kick the cult and we are still suffering because of it. But it is much better now.

  We don't know your new SO but a woman who would take up with a man with a child only four months separated from a spouse is at best making rash decisions.

  Look; even in the best of circumstances where two people are as compatible as possible, with no problems caused by family, career, children, jobs, sex, health or money marriage is hard, damn hard.

  But the problem is every marriage has at leat one or two of those issues. Then you through in crazy JW crap and whoa.

  You said something about the JW's breaking up families. Yes, they do but in this case, you have a choice. In my case, I decided that if my marriage was going to end it would be zero percent on me. I never said one thing angry, I made no legal moves. I made it so that if SA wanted a divorce she would have to make it happen with no help from me.

  It could be argued that you are the one breaking up your family by bringing in another person.

  It could also be argued that if your new girlfriend is a real loving stand-up person that cares about you and your family the minute she hears about your situation she would insist that you do whatever you have to do to make it work for your wife and child and if it didn't work in two years you should look her up.

  But here am I dishing out tough talk and I don't even know you. Notice that I said it could be argued not that it was true.

  Please don't be angry with me, I mean no harm. It is obvousely your choice how you live your life and no one can judge you except yourself. It is just a point of view from someone who has 30+ years on you that might be of use to you or not.
• 

  flipper

  Bethel Yellow - How can " it be argued that you ( Pale Emperor ) are the one breaking up your family by bringing in another person " ?

  Here is what Pale Emperor said at the beginning, " When the witch hunt started she left me. Her dad is an interfering elder and her family are like a family straight out of a Watchtower picture. Her leaving me was her dad's advice . "

  Pale's girlfriend came AFTER his wife LEFT HIM. I think he made that pretty clear.

  I've been in his situation before when the whole JW world is assaulting you, assaulting your character after exiting this sick , criminal organization - and the only friend in the world that you have is yourself - between you, me and the gatepost I believe what Pale Emperor needs right now is support- not people blaming him for his wife leaving him. Let's not forget who walked out on who. From one who has been here, experienced this
  
• 

  EdenOne

  Pale, that's encouraging news. Now, proceed with caution so that you don't get caught by manipulation. I second what someone else said here before ... I think your GF is a bit reckless to get involved with a man who is only 4 months recently separated, with a child and the cult history behind it. You are a ticking time bomb now for her. Don't break her heart.

  As for your wife, and based solely on what you said, it may well be that she is now seeing the WTS with different eyes and realized the monstrosity of the condition she is trapped into now. But she may just be manipulating you to keep you "close" as an option in her life, in an attempt to break your new relationship, so that you can remain available for her if she so wishes to leave the cult. Be careful not to be a mere option on someone's life and not the first choice. Remember that not long ago she chose her religion and her family over you. It could happen again, and her being overly concerned about losing friends and family is natural but also is a red flag, because, as it was said, she isn't emotionally reliable. I would consider a sure sign if she expressed concern about not exposing your child to be raised in the toxic environment of the cult, but has she expressed such concern? Or is she just worried about what SHE might lose?

  You have some tough choices ahead to make. Be sure to make them in YOUR best concerns and those of your child - not necessarily your wife's wishes. If you truly believe your marriage is worth saving, you must act now so that you don't break someone's heart and wreck another life. If not, be supportive to your "ex" but keep a safe distance. Remember it's not your responsibility anymore.