My Ex Wife Admitted She Doesnt Believe It's The Truth

by pale.emperor 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    My ex-wife actually opened up to me today over the phone. She was quite anxious and, i could sense, i little upset. For those that dont know my situation im separated from my wife. I told her i had serious doubts and that i intended to fade which she was eventually ok with but then her sister in law found my "apostate" stuff on my computer and outed me. When the witch hunt started she left me. Her dad is an interfering elder and her family are like a family straight out of a Watchtower picture. Her leaving me was her fathers advice.

    She called me today quite anxious and, i could tell, a little upset. Like she'd been crying. I'd had my daughter overnight and i had work in a few hours. She called to say she's feeling really anxious and could i look after our daughter today instead of handing her back. My ex has OCD, like, clinically bad OCD. When i first dated her she used to have plastic over her furniture and took her own cutlery to peoples houses when we went for dinner etc. But the congregation knew her since birth so didnt think anything of it. Her OCD causes her to be anxious when big changes happen in her life. This was one of them.

    The conversation went as follows:

    HER: im not happy here (her parents house)

    ME: Why?

    HER: It's just... i dont have a choice.

    ME: How'd you mean?

    HER: Like, if i dont want to go to the kingdom hall or out on the ministry. My dad goes on at me and my mum does too.

    ME: You can do what you want you're a grown woman.

    HER: I know but they make me feel guilty.

    ME: Well.... i know what you're parents are like, im not gonna go into that, but look, it's your religion. Your relationship with God, thats a very personal thing. When i was "in" i never judged my relationship with Jehovah on how many meetings i turn up to.

    HER: Most of the time im not even listening.

    ME: Yeah i can relate to that.

    HER: Can i trust you?

    ME: You've been married to me for 7 years, when have i ever told anyone anything?

    HER: I know it's not the truth.

    ME: ... ok. Well..... that's good. What are you gonna do?

    HER: I cant do anything.

    ME: You can. You're not a child.

    HER: But if i leave i'll lose everything. My family, my friends...

    ME: I know. Look, this is why i didnt want to stay a JW. The very fact that you cant leave is bad. This is why i dont want <daughter> to grow up as one.

    HER: I cant tell anyone. All my JW friends dont care about me or my situation... it's only my 2 worldly friends that really understand me and help me. <JW friend> doesnt want to know me unless i go out on the ministry every week.

    ME: I'll tell you the truth. Me being disfellowshipped was the best thing that ever happened to me. The world is a wonderful place. You can do anything, be anything, people leave you alone, no one interferes with your life, and if there's people you dont get on with you just dont bother with them.

    HER: But i cant just leave.

    ME: So what do you want?

    HER: Both. I want my family but i want to be free.

    ME: Look at my situation. When i was DF'd i had no one. No mother, no sisters, no brothers, everyone i knew since birth suddenly gone. It's not nice. It's not easy. And when you leave you'll learn more and more about this religion and you'll get angry, then sad, then happy then repeat over and over. But being out is a lot better than being in.

    HER: I'll just have to go along with it but when i move house gradually stop going. Or move congregation then stop going.

    The conversation went on but the end point is she doesn't believe it and it's a shame she left me 4 months ago because of that because we could have still been together. But now i've moved on and i have a girlfriend. More proof that the religion destroys families.

  • StarTrekAngel

    Wow... I am at a loss of words. A couple of months ago a presented my wife with the same potential scenario if we were to ever split on a religious disagreement. I asked her what she would think if she came to find out I was right and a marriage was destroyed because of it. At the time she either did not understand this fully or she was just being stubborn but apparently it would be ok to make such mistake. I am glad she she has changed.

    As far as your situation, it is sad to imagine the what ifs if she would have stuck by you instead. She probably needs a lot of support at the moment. I guess it would come down to whether your new GF is cool with you being part of it or not.

  • sparrowdown

    Great news, good for her.

    Hope she finds the courage to fade/leave it's well worth the pain and discomfort of doing so.

  • DJS

    Great news!!! However: "When i first dated her she used to have plastic over her furniture and took her own cutlery to peoples houses when we went for dinner etc."

    Did it ever cross your mind that this was a clue?

    Sorry, couldn't resist the obvious. Good luck Pale. I hope it works out for both of you. The mischief in me wants to suggest you say something like this to console her: "Me and you and she can come too." But I won't say that. That would be crass, if not bad timing.

  • Giordano

    Well if she doesn't believe the religion you and your daughter have a smoother road in life re school, holidays and not growing up a witness.

    I felt your pain in your first posts on this I feel your wife's.

    If you can be there for her in some way or form it might help her with her fade. Helping her is all about helping your daughter.

    If your heading for a divorce i'd try for a respectful friendship. Be the third worldly person who treats her with kindness.

  • shadow

    Married 7 years then new girlfriend within only 4 months??? I feel sorry for your wife

  • shadow

    Also feel sorry for you that she left. Just seems a sad state of affairs for marriages to end so easily

  • ToesUp

    Good news! She is starting to open up to you. Move slow. Keep us posted.

  • The Searcher
    The Searcher

    Imitate the good Samaritan and give her the help she needs right now - advice on how to carry out a fade confidently & fearlessly. She will really be grateful for your help.

  • Ding

    It's a great sign that she trusts you even though you have split up.

    Don't try to force things along.

    Let her process things at her own pace and in her own way.

    Listen far more than you talk.

    Continue to be there for her.

    You may be her lifeline to freedom.

Share this