Help Please - Finding It Hard Adjusting To The Real World

by pale.emperor 43 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Finkelstein

    Like the other day I was in a store and saw a T-Shirt that had Harley Quinn from the latest Suicide Squad movie on it. Rather skimpily dressed she was. I liked it but my JW brain clicked in “no you cant have it, its pornea”. But of course I CAN have it if I want to.

    PE over time if your smart and use your developed sense of right or wrong you'll begin to realizise that you can develop a sense social morality within yourself and don't need lying corrupt religions to do that, think secular humanism.

  • FayeDunaway

    Pale.emperor it took me about 2 years after leaving to stop feeling guilty about refuting their stupid rules and habits. And that was AFTER doing full research on their history and doctrine. The percentage of "witness" still in me faded slowly, it will for you too.

  • zeb

    wing commander.. you have it in one.

    I recall my son who was offered accommodation and the pass to go into aviation engineering but that was knocked on the head because 'the end is nigh'. That opportunity is lost forever. One crap job after the other he has found a good well paying job due to a 'worldly' friend.

    The must be a roll-call of people in like situations who missed out on good employment due to the wt.

    Lots of moral support here and keep firmly in mind that 'shunning' is a sword with two edges. So when parents need funds or the rest of the family be strong and tell them to go to the elders or write to the wt.

    Love to you.

  • Ozman

    Most other born ins will understand your dilemma. As with anyone who has been physically or mentally abused, we all go through our own unique journey. Mine has taken years of study & research, depression & struggle, trying to understand the world in a whole new way. My liberation came when I decided to be my own person, responsible for my own actions & only answerable to myself. Learn the truth about the truth & convince yourself about what you believe, not what someone tells you to believe. You will grow in strength & character by becoming your own person, with your own set of rules to live by. Everyone here is a Conqueror! I found this song quite inspiring & may be helpful in overcoming self doubt....

  • joe134cd

    I'm not a big fan of DA for apostacy. Always best to fade and keep your mouth shut in order to keep family contacts. What's happened has happened so I guess it can't be reversed.

  • xelder

    I would go for a bike ride on Saturday morning and feel guilty for not being with the service group, even though I knew that it was wrong to be helping them spread false dates that were trying to coerce people into a cult that will probably separate them from friends and family and encourage shunning. It takes a while for emotions to catch up with logic. But it happens.

  • Xanthippe
    Any born in’s relate to this? How long until this passes? Am I supposed to do something to speed up the transition to a normal life?

    Hi pale.emperor. My husband and I didn't want to celebrate Christmas the first year we were out of the cult. We just didn't want to jump into what felt at the time like another set of customs that you had to follow. We did celebrate the second year and had a wonderful time. So just take it easy and if something feels wrong at the moment then don't do it.

    You don't have to break the programming, it actually relies on continually being reinforced by regular meetings. If you stay away it all just fades from your mind as you start doing the things you like. Your reactions are quite normal, we were indoctrinated to think certain things are wrong, this is not the authentic you, it's just years of habit-forming rule-keeping.

    Try and relax and just do whatever feels good. Think of it like getting over a long illness. Don't run before you can walk and take a day at a time.

    On a positive note, we have the chance to do life the way we want to do it. Lots of people wish they could run away from their lives and even some of their relatives and just do whatever they like, deciding as an adult rather than just following family habits and long established rules of behaviour.

    We get the chance to start again. Try and enjoy it. Take care.

  • Chook

    Your help is much more difficult due to having family in. It all boils down to if your Jw relatives are right wing or left regarding their zealot duties. The only course you really can take is the one with no poison. All other avenues come at a great cost. Your own sanity is what is paramount. Every human has a right of worship

  • Coffee House Girl
    Coffee House Girl

    I was a born-in with 90 percent of my family in the organization, I also left when I was 31. I am 38 now-how time flies! I did go to college- got my masters degree, it took me 6 years. I remember now those early days- most everything made me uncomfortable, and every decision felt like an exhausting process.

    It took me about 3 years to make any friends, other posters are right when they say that just a few good friends is enough (we are used to having scores of "friends"...but you quickly realize that these friends at the Kingdom Hall were conditional relationships).

    It takes time when you are an adult to make friends because we are all so busy, and it is true that many adults already have a circle of friends they've been hanging out with since they were young. In my case, I had to start to cultivate my own interests first before making a Jdub we were never able to have many hobbies or find our passions- so I had to take the first step of finding out who I really was...then find people who share my passions. Going to college made that part easy- so my first friends were those with the same major as me.

    Then when I got out of college I had to move across the country to find work. I started over in a new community- the friend finding process had to start all over again. I had to force myself to do things in the community to meet people (this is hard to do since I am a bit reserved)...eventually it took about 9-10 months for me to find a few people who were interesting to hang out with. Now I am moving again for a new starts over again. I think I have gotten used to being a loner, I still have a hard time in social situations... and maybe I always will.

    The friends I have made along the way...I keep up with on Facebook, that helps when I am lonely in a new place. I try to find exJW groups on meetup where ever I move- I have been to a few exJW meetups, I always find them talk in person to others who get where I am coming from.

    So my point can be a hard road, but now that it has been 7 years- things have gotten much easier...I know myself- and it is much easier for me to evaluate people to choose who I want to spend time with...instead of having a congregation full of "friends" who in reality you don't really share much in common with and lets face it...many of them bug the shit out of you. I wish you the best of luck-


  • Worldling9

    PE...sorry you've been having a rough time. All of the feelings you've been having are normal. It does take time and things do get better. You are still young enough to pursue whatever career you check with yourself and figure out what you are passionate about. Go for it, and the rest will follow.

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