What do you think of yourself?

by Lady Lee 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lady Lee

  Min

  Most of the time I do like myself. I love what I have been able to accomplish. I love the strength I have. Every now and then something trips me up - like my recent difficulties on my last job. I gave up years ago trying to get everyone to like me. In this last job I would have had to give up my values to be liked by the one boss. I couldn't do that - hence the problems. But I'm still a work in progress.

  Special K

  That's it exactly. As children we are so dependant on the adults around us to get that sense of who we are. If they are warped (like mine were) then of course how they see us is warped. And sadly that is what they pass on to us. I needed external proof before I could internalize anything positive. In the beginning of my recovery a friend kept telling me I was strong. I could not believe it. He would tell me to just say it to myself but it felt so false. I felt much more like a woos than a strong person. But I did trust him so I made a compromise. Instead of repeating "I am strong" I repeated "**** thinks I am strong. I trust him so I will try to believe that he is telling me the truth." That worked better until I could begin to see and feel the strength I had. Now I know I am strong. And I know that scares some people (like the ex-boss)

  Kate

  Most of the time I am OK with this just like you said good days and bad days. And every now and then someone throws out a new definition that I need to think about.

  Big Tex

  I think the only way to banish the negative voice is to challenge it. My voice bullies me just as my parents did. They were wrong. I challenge my voice to prove it or be quiet. It never has proof - just the same old tired loser comments. I on the other hand work hard to find the proofs for the wrong negative messages. It seems to work pretty good for me.

  Obi Yup

  happyout

  sounds like you are a considerate person besides being a good mommy. I too think of things like moving out of the way. It just makes sense. I think too that some labels can be used two ways. I was accused of being a fighter (by my abusers who wanted complete obedience) Now I redefine fighter as a positive. I am not only willing to speak up for others as I always have done but now I can speak up and fight for me too.

  wednesday soul sister

  jst2laws

  exactly. When it comes right down to it the only thing that really matters is that at the end of the day I feel good about me, what I have said and done and how I feel about me.

  Thanks for all the comments - a fascinating journey this healing road
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  drwtsn32

  I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!

  ...or so I like to tell myself.
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  Guest 77

  Good day LadyLee. We've met at Lastanza's. Just why people keep demeaning others when they have skeletons in their closets always amuses me. Just who the hell appointed them God and judge? I have come to learn that these self-righteous clowns have more than their share of skeletons in their closets.

  Happyout and Wednesday had interesting comments. Jstlaw hit the nail on the head by saying, "I don't give a damn what you think." That has always been my philosphy and I personally tell people I don't care what they think because they don't put food on my table, PERIOD! Don't waste your time and energy trying to convert me to your way of thinking, I don't do it to others.

  Like you, being personally abused as a child gave me a good basis for my present attitude. I put a stop to it when I was a teenager and I put a stop to it five/six years ago as a witness. I pity those who are stuck and must endure extreme abuses. It reminds me of my cat hunting rabbits especially when it corners the baby ones. These babies just freeze and play dead. So many witnesses are timid because they are told to be submissive. To voice your opinion is to speak against Jehovah, so they remain silent.

  I'm happy for you and I enjoyed not only your company but your strong stance against abusive authority.

  Guest 77
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  cat1759

  Ladylee,

  Thank God for the age process. I earned every grey hair and wear them proudly or could it be I am to cheap to buy Miss Clairol?

  The jury is still out on what I think of myself. I don't look in the mirror, don't have mirrors in the house now that the boys are gone.

  When I pass over maybe by then I will have figured it out.

  Cathy
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  joannadandy

  What do you think of yourself?

  Ooglay, and slow-witted.

  It's a wonder I function in modern society at all...if it were the dark ages, I'd have been burned at the stake for sure by now... HAHA!
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  Lady Lee

  Dr - you must be right!

  Guest 77

  It reminds me of my cat hunting rabbits especially when it corners the baby ones. These babies just freeze and play dead. So many witnesses are timid because they are told to be submissive. To voice your opinion is to speak against Jehovah, so they remain silent.

  So true. That play dead response is so much stronger than most people realize. Thankfully most here have woken up from that and are moving on with their lives

  PS: Enjoyed meeting you and your lovely wife

  Cat

  You might be surprised how many people hate to look at themselves in a mirror. Many don't have them in the house or find ways to hide them. Give yourself time to like the YOU that you are. I made an agreement with myself that I liked who I was TODAY. And I could change what I want tommorrow.

  Joanna - Never in a million years will I believe that about you - So there Take it from me!
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  Francois

  All of us (especially those of us who were raised in da troof) are dysfunctional to some degree or other; dysfunctionality after all does not spontaneously heal itself.

  We had "parents," our real ones plus the ones down at the kingdom hall all telling us how dumb we were and how we'd never make it and a vast number of other mostly negative evaluations about is. Being children in one way or another, we believed what these role models told us about ourselves. After all, they were the adults and we were the children and they knew everything and we knew nothing and they were always right and we were always wrong no matter how much we suspected the obverse.

  And we have carried these absured beliefs about ourselves forward into our adulthoods, some we carried to our graves without questioning, without ever healing, without ever discovering or suspecting what unique, what valuable people we really were. We never knew the truth about ourselves.

  I was told growing up that I was stupid, that if my brains were changed to dynamite I'd not have enough to blow my nose; that when brains were handed out, I thought they'd said trains and missed mine, and on and on and on in that vein. (What I discovered later was that my father was over-compensating for gross feelings of incompetence).

  Later, I skipped the seventh grade. In high school on standardized tests in science, my grades in biology were in the 99th percentile; same in physics and chemistry. I got advanced placement in chemistry and was on my way to an undergraduate degree in organic chemistry when journalism's siren call grabbed me and has held me ever since.

  I've discovered, or friends around me have discovered, that I have a finely tuned ability to tease out the real nature of relationship problems between husbands and wives, and between unmarried couples and between parents and children. Married couples have been coming to me (esp. JW married couples on the sly to be sure) since I was about 17 for help with their faltering relationships, and these people may have been in their thirties or forties. I suppose it may have something to do with living around so much dysfunctionality and dishonesty growing up. I could recognize the bullshit instantly.

  But there seems always to be a payoff for having had to suffer unfairly at a young age. Remember sneaking quietly into your home, "sniffing" the air?, taking the "temperature" of your home before letting anyone know you were in there? And if the vibes were bad, you sneaked into your room and locked the door, and if the vibes were good, you entered the LR or den and had a casual seat and acted as if all were OK? Training, my friends, training at observation and analysis; training of the most important kind - the self survival kind. And I daresay you're all very good at it. And you can use it today.

  The summary comment upon all this is that we are all likely very much better persons than we have been led to believe by our screwed up parents and "religious leaders" and likely this is true because they could see that we were better than they were all along in terms of spiritual insight and practice and in terms of the requirements of daily living. So the only way to deal with us, we who by comparison made them look so bad, was to attempt to make us look bad instead. That's easy work when you're dealing with children. Not so easy when you're dealing with informed adults. That's why the WT wants to get rid of us, put us in the basement like the family's crazy aunt. We have the goods on 'em and on their cultic, phoney-baloney religion.

  Think well of yourselves my friends, you deserve it.

  francois
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  Lady Lee

  so well said francois

  I remember that feeling the air feeling. too well in fact

  Thanks