Most of the time I do like myself. I love what I have been able to accomplish. I love the strength I have. Every now and then something trips me up - like my recent difficulties on my last job. I gave up years ago trying to get everyone to like me. In this last job I would have had to give up my values to be liked by the one boss. I couldn't do that - hence the problems. But I'm still a work in progress.
That's it exactly. As children we are so dependant on the adults around us to get that sense of who we are. If they are warped (like mine were) then of course how they see us is warped. And sadly that is what they pass on to us. I needed external proof before I could internalize anything positive. In the beginning of my recovery a friend kept telling me I was strong. I could not believe it. He would tell me to just say it to myself but it felt so false. I felt much more like a woos than a strong person. But I did trust him so I made a compromise. Instead of repeating "I am strong" I repeated "**** thinks I am strong. I trust him so I will try to believe that he is telling me the truth." That worked better until I could begin to see and feel the strength I had. Now I know I am strong. And I know that scares some people (like the ex-boss)
Most of the time I am OK with this just like you said good days and bad days. And every now and then someone throws out a new definition that I need to think about.
I think the only way to banish the negative voice is to challenge it. My voice bullies me just as my parents did. They were wrong. I challenge my voice to prove it or be quiet. It never has proof - just the same old tired loser comments. I on the other hand work hard to find the proofs for the wrong negative messages. It seems to work pretty good for me.
sounds like you are a considerate person besides being a good mommy. I too think of things like moving out of the way. It just makes sense. I think too that some labels can be used two ways. I was accused of being a fighter (by my abusers who wanted complete obedience) Now I redefine fighter as a positive. I am not only willing to speak up for others as I always have done but now I can speak up and fight for me too.
wednesday soul sister
exactly. When it comes right down to it the only thing that really matters is that at the end of the day I feel good about me, what I have said and done and how I feel about me.
Thanks for all the comments - a fascinating journey this healing road