What do you think of yourself?

Lady Lee

Ok I have read how some of you percieve me.

kind - OK
compassionate - OK
caring - OK
strong - OK
sweet - Huh?

Some other labels/descriptions that I have been given

slut, tramp, bad girl, not submissive, rebellious, trouble-maker
skinny, bony, (younger) fat, (older) too tall,
stupid, slow-as-molasses, lazy, dirty, a slob, selfish
intelligent, patient, bright, a fighter

Most often we define ourselves by the way we are treated and how others label us. As we grow older we learn how to define ourselves (part of the Who am I? questionning teens are supposed to go through)

When you come from a dysfunctional family few of the labels are nice. Add to that a religion that teaches you that you are never good enough or have never done enough you can see it would be difficult to develop a healthy sense of self. I'm obviously still working on it.

Compliments still confuse me. They are nice to receive and more often than not I can now accept them as parts of me - how I see myself. But I have had to challenge more than one of the above labels to see if they reaaly are "me".

The "stupid" label for instance. I was always told I was stupid and would never amount to anything. I believed it. Probably because I heard it so much. I struggled in school. I didn't get top grades. And I could never understand when I was told "you know what you did wrong. I want you to tell me what you did!" I never knew - proof that I was indded so stupid that I didn't even know what I had done.

I had to challenge this label. I was forced to quit high school after grade 10. Going to college was a huge step for me. Stupid kid who couldn't learn anything had to go to college and take a test to see if my writing skills were good enough. (I passed). I had to dig out my last report card from high school and felt so ashamed they would see how stupid I was and wouldn't let me in. (Surprise - best subjects were science and math! Huh? I thought I did bad but the report said I was doing in the 80's - not bad for a dummy. So they let me into college.

OK now the real tests - and papers, and presentations. And I passed every single one. In fact in the program I was in after the first semester of 6 I was on the honor role 5/6 semester. And I graduated with honors. Hey but I'm the stupid kid. I had to sit and think on that one. I now had proof I wasn't stupid.

Maybe there were other reasons I didn't do well in some grades - like the abuse at home, and fear at tnight and not sleeping, anxiety attacks and nightmares, maybe just trying to survive one day at a time was all I could manage. Seems I had proof that my parents label of me was wrong - dead wrong.

That got me thinking. Maybe there were other things I had been told or been taught about myself that were not true.

slut, tramp, not true, I had been abused as a kid and was scared to do anything with anyone

bad girl, only to my parents and foster parents - other people seemed to like me

not submissive, rebellious, trouble-maker - only to the JWs LOL

skinny, bony, (younger) fat, (older) too tall, well as a kid I was really skinny - possibly anorexic, later I put on weight and as I get older it is still there - too tall - hey I'm the way I am 5'7"

stupid, slow-as-molasses, lazy, dirty, a slob, selfish well busted the first one - not a dummy, slow? lazy? only when I don't want to do something, dirty? slob? - when I was severely depressed - yea maybe - now never. Selfish? - only to ppeople who want me to be their slave

intelligent, patient, bright, a fighter I can agree with all of these. They are new ways I have learned to see myself

I'm working on the "sweet" one. I see Billygoat as "sweet". I see small people as "sweet" (I'm not small)

I will think on this more

But how we define ourselves often leads to how we choose to behave. My sister defines herself as a failure and therefore sets herself up to fail. She knows this but because she is a failure cannot see she could redefine herself and try to be and do things differently.

So.... fo rnay of you who are having a similar struggle - feel free to share

minimus

Here's a surprise. I like myself. I really do. I even love myself. I think everyone should value themselves. I know my weaknesses. I know my strengths. I know people, too. So, I don't worry about a minority of negative people. That's life. We are who we are. And YOU are sweet.

Special K

Lady Lee

A truly inspirational post.

It's annoying that as kids, one takes on the labels that parents give us, without questioning it...For they are out parents.. they are the care taker and I am the child... so they must be right!!! cause they are grown up and I am only little.

I'm happy that you as an adult ... came to an awareness of this set up that was done to you..and that you have put it under the microscope.. one by one and .. "Hey, these labels were not true!" because you have proof that they were wrong and reasons why they were maybe only temporarily true.. but not true forever and for always.

Your an inspiration, Lady Lee

and now I feel good because of you

and with that I can sign out for the day

Special K

bikerchic

Lady Lee I know you aren't being self serving here just to get compliments from us all, but I have to say you are very well respected here and offer so much to this forum and you only gave a partial list of possitives about yourself and yes you are SWEET tooand angel for many!

minimus gosh darn you took the words right out of my mouth, this is pretty much how I feel about myself........it was a long haul for me to get to this place and yes somedays, well somedays are just crapy but they are few and far between. I really do like myself and though it was a long and winding road for me to get here all the hard work was well worth the effort.

Here's a surprise. I like myself. I really do. I even love myself. I think everyone should value themselves. I know my weaknesses. I know my strengths. I know people, too. So, I don't worry about a minority of negative people. That's life. We are who we are. And YOU are sweet.

Kate

Big Tex

Compliments still confuse me.

Me too. I don't know what to say or how to act. Very odd, really. Why would anyone want to compliment me on anything? Still the same old mindset. I still have that little voice in there, along with how ugly, stupid and what a failure I am. Interesting it's still there after so much time.

Actually it's nice to know someone else has that little voice. We 're all battling labels aren't we? I doubt I'll ever reach Minimus' level of self-confidence and self-esteem. Too bad.

obiwan

One big clown!

minimus

I enjoy giving a true compliment to a person. When I see a person that has much to offer and doesn't know it I like to speak of their positives. I have seen people grow right in front of my eyes because they started to believe in themselves. I do believe that most people are inherently good. Some just need to realize that they DO make a difference. ........For example, in response to Big Tex's comment, I've come to think of him as one of my on-line friends. I appreciate his character and his opinions. He's a good person and I can see he's a loyal friend. Now if Big Tex thought he was still inferior to what he really is, we need to give him a little encouragment to think less negatively about himself.......Do I feel this way toward him and others because I like myself to some degree??? I think so........So, think well of yourself for what you do that is right and pass that feeling on to others.

happyout

I can honestly say I like myself, but that's mainly because I work on myself. I am always thinking of how my actions will affect others, even with something simple. For instance, I think it's very rude to stop in the middle of a hallway and talk, because then others have to go around you. I always make sure I go to the wall, out of the way. My husband says I think too much, but I think most people don't think enough. If we all practiced just these little civilities, the world would be a much nicer place. Many of my friends say I have on rose colored glasses, and call me Suzie Sunshine, but that's totally false. I am actually very cynical, because I realize not many people want to be bothered with making themselves better, they would rather point out what's wrong with others.

I hope that wasn't too rambling

The thing I think most about myself these days is that I'm a GREAT MOMMY!! And that is enough for me.

Happyout

wednesday

I too am a survivor of various forms of abuse. It took me years to realize i was being abused, b/c i bought into everything my parents, jws, husband told me.

I'm tough/realistic/frank / bawdy/generous/kind/ cynical/ but have been called hateful and mean sneaky, rebellious,slut, stubborn, fighter, argumentive, and clever. . I have been so honest i shot myself in the foot .I have been told i was demanding and smart mouthed.I have been told i was very interesting and complex. I have been told i was intelligent (but lacking a spelling and typing gene, ) i have been told i was a stupid redneck(most recently here on this board), i have been a democrat, and now a republican,i have been slim and sexy and beautiful, and attractive and overweight, i have been depressed, and sad,But mostly, however they say, " YOU JUST WON'T QUIT , WILL U? " No, i won't quit,. I have come out of the fog and never will return. I quess i am the junkyard dog that some think i am.

jst2laws

Ladylee,

IF I can, I will get back to comment on this. It was so well written and moving, I at least want to bump it back up.

I will say I never had confidence in myself until I develope, to survive, a philosphy I still forget to live by, but I share it with my kids and anyone else who has been judged as unworthy.

Say to others in your heart, I DONT GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK.

I wasn't sure how that worked for me in my last years in the org but I think you hit it be suggesting we let others define us. Once we say to ourselves I DONT GIVE A DAMN then we can start defining OURSELVES.

Thanks for the insight. And I THINK YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON.

Jst2laws

What do you think of yourself?

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