How do you handle a disappointed mum?

by Nic 17 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Ravyn

    I also had to cut off my family, but luckily it was not a forever thing. My mother actually faded before I left, but she still clung to the idea that the JWs were right. It took 8 yrs of cut off before she realized I was serious. Now we have a better relationship than I have ever had with her, but I have not seen her in person for 4 yrs. It is still not anything close to the kind of relationship of a mother/daughter that is considered normal, but atleast it is no longer unhealthy for me. Now my father is an entirely different story. I will spit on that man's grave, IF I even care enough to go to his funeral. I might go just to prove to myself he is finally gone for good. Maybe.


  • Elsewhere

    My family likes to use the legal loop-holes to see me...

    I attended my sister's wedding and my dad warned me to stay in a corner alone... yeah what ever. I reminded him that it was they the JWs who are shunning me, not the other way around. I freely chatted with those who would chat and thoroughly enjoyed every ugly look and leer from the elders. When I showed up for the reception the elders instructed my dad to have me removed... you know... the "don't eat with 'em" rule.

    There was a time when I needed surgery done and I was going to be laid up for a few weeks during the recovery. My mom showed up to help me (using the "help sick family" rule) and then promptly left once I was through the recovery process. Turns out she was the sicker of the two of us.

    My brother would use the "business arrangement" rule to see me. He would allow me to help him with his business as a way to see me... once that went under he cut me off again. There went a lot of my personal time and money that I'll never see again.

    There was another time they allowed me to come and visit... it took several tries because they kept saying that I could not come over while they had "the friends" over. When I did get to visit they made it a point to study the WT in front of me and then showed old home videos trying to tug at my emotions. That was totally sick of them. They even suggested that I "pretend" to be a JW again so that I won't be shunned... PRETEND!!! Hypocritical bastards! Keep in mind that my family is a promenant family composed of many elders, POs, pioneers, anointed, etc... and they ask me to PRETEND to be a JW so that I won't be shunned.

  • Soledad

    hi Nic you mom sounds a lot like my mom. just hang in there, I know it's hard. I only see my mother once every couple of months even though we dont live very far apart. she refuses to come to my house.

    last year on my birthday we went out to a show and lunch, she then called me two weeks later all tearful saying she couldn't do stuff like that anymore, quoting said scripture about dont eat with such person. two weeks after that I called her and asked her to turn on channel 47 WJNU when the silent lambs were out protesting in Brooklyn. she saw that and her position softened somewhat, but not entirely. I think deep down inside she knows it's all wrong but can't bring herself to admit it, nor would she be able to recover from such shock after so many years as a faithful JW. my mother is the type that would never ever question anything from an elder or a publication or a CO. so I can see that in your mother too.

    feel free to write me [email protected].

  • 95stormfront

    The one thing I have noticed about all this is that the JWs always seem to want contact when it is to their advantage as far as necessary business goes.but if you have business with them, unless they can conceive of getting something out of it, they want nothing to do with it.

  • 95stormfront
    When I showed up for the reception the elders instructed my dad to have me removed... you know... the "don't eat with 'em" rule.

    Shocking bulllying tactic. I think I wouldn've made it a point to insist that they call security to show those non-JW in attendance how microcontrolling this organization is. I would've made sure that they were just as unconfortable as they were trying to make me feel.

  • SheilaM

    It's funny the monsters that had Thunder shunned us while we were dubs. They treated me and the kids HORRIBLY and used Thunder for his talents with home repair and working on cars to their advantage. When we left MA he told them it was over and he would not contact them again. We have shunned them for the monsters they are since 1992 they will never change. I anticipate with the success of his novel they will come crawling out of the woodwork like the vermin that they are but it will not do them any good.

  • jgnat

    My mom was a master manipulator. It is true, your mom can't manipulate if you won't play. The reason she does it is because it has worked before (your dad caved).

    But now, 9 years later, my mum thinks that if she can get the elders to re-instate me for df'ing me for no reason, then I would go back. I've told her I won't ever go back but she doesn't believe me. She insists on witnessing to me at every opportunity even though I get very angry.

    My daughter (my wonderful, mature, loving daughter) tried to engage me in a conversation about her latest vitamin fad. These fads make me very angry, and I told her so. She wouldn't stop. I said, "Didn't I just tell you three times that I won't discuss this?" She kept going. I told her I was hanging up. Then I did. She called back two minutes later, "Are you still driving me to the store?" I said sure, she just can't talk about that vitamin thing. I don't get vindictive, I don't hold a grudge, but I refuse to be sucked in to arguments that do neither of us any good.

    This is the next step in developing a mature relationship with your mother. If your mom persists, tell her what the consequences are. If she continues, follow through. What your mother is holding over your head is that you will lose something if you don't cave to her wishes (you will lose her love and attention). The question is, what kind of warped love is it, if you can only "love" her on her terms?

  • ninecharger


    In a recent Watchtower, the subject of DF wrongly came up. (Or a Kindumb Misery) -ANYWAY the item said that even if a person is wrongly Dishello pipped, would not the "Discipline from Jehovah be beneficial..." DF is a DEATH SENTENCE if Armygeddown comes...

    Think about it.

    However next time Mommy starts just say you are benefitting from Jehovah's Discipline - and she really oughta get herslf DF'd too as she would discover the benefits too!!

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