My Story

by SamTheGinge 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Pete Zahut

  Welcome STG,

  A a father, it saddened me to read that you've gone from being a young boy who wanted to be like his father to one who has been shunned by him for the last decade or so. Other than for being axe murders or similar, I just cant imagine shunning either one of my 2 grown sons and I especially can't imaging shunning them for (supposedly) "scriptural" reasons yet keeping in contact with a girlfriend who is Wiccan. How much sense would that make?

  Unfortunately you are one of millions who've had their lives and family lineage forever altered because of this religion. All the best to you as you navigate and triangulate your way around all of this, just as the rest of us are.
  
• 

  stuckinarut2

  Welcome mate!

  You are amongst people who all respect one another's personal journey. That is something we never got to do as witnesses - respect others personal choices and journeys

  You sound like many of us who went through the steps of being "a perfect witness child". Now as adults, we get to use our own logical thinking skills to determine our own values and life choices.

  And in most cases, we become even BETTER people that we were as witnesses! Unlike the stuff the society spews out, we DO NOT become wicked, selfish sinners. No, we actually become kinder, more caring and less judgemental.
• 

  Sorry

  Welcome! You are not alone, I feel or stories are similar (wanting to impress parents, baptised for wrong reasons).

  It sounds you've made peace with everything, started thinking for yourself and have become much happier as a result. I wish you all the best.
• 

  millie210

  Hi Sam, I love that you forged ahead until you created the life you have now. Good for you and welcome!
• 

  smiddy

  Welcome sam glad to have you on board , .Crazy isnt it that your dad shuns you yet communicates with your GF who is a Wican.?

  Pete zahut expressed my feelings exactly
• 

  SamTheGinge

  Thanks for the messages and support folks.

  I should point out, as I forgot to mention in the OP, that my Dad doesn't yet know that my missus is Wican. Though he is fully aware that she was brought up a Catholic (she made her own spiritual choices quite early), I think she wants to break him in gently before hitting him with it.

  Even so, I find it somewhat ironic that he would choose to speak to someone who has zero interest in ever becoming a JW, and has never been one, over his own son who made a choice to not be one, but paid a hefty price for that choice. But, as Sorry pointed out, I am at peace with that though. I knew the minute I got Df'd what the score would be, so it wasn't. and hasn't been, a great surprise. The one thing I will say though is that he does to take a great interest in my youngest daughter who I have with my GF, he asks for pictures and asks my GF how she is doing etc etc, so though he won't speak to me he does still take an interest in my family. I am thankful, and grateful, for that at least.
  
• 

  WingCommander

  Question: What sort of message does this send to your children, that you allow your father to treat you as a 2nd class citizen, and openly disrespect you in such a fashion?

  Families are a package deal. Not willing to accept your life decisions? Want to shun you, yet still expect you to serve up your children to be brainwashed at their convenience to also eventually disrespect you? I'd tell that azzhat to promptly go get fugged!! And I'm not just saying that, I had similar happen to me and that's EXACTLY what I did. No one shits on me, then gets to still see my children.

  I would NEVER let a brainwashed cult member around my young children unattended. EVER. They will do everything in their power to indoctrinate them with their bullshit, and drive to divide and conquer.
  
• 

  SamTheGinge

  This ordinarlly would be an issue WingCommander, however, I live some 300 miles away from my Dad and don't see him all that often, In fact I haven't seen him for over 3 years now, so this doesn't represent an immediate problem.

  Both myself and my GF have made the decision that our daughter, when she is old enough, will be free to make her choices in life, but until such a time arises we will bring her up as we see fit, as all parents do. My GF has made very clear to my Dad that this is case, and he is big enough, and ugly enough (as the saying goes) to accept this. The great thing about our situation is that he doesn't force anything on either my GF, or daughter. Once we told him the deal, he took it and has respected it thus far. has fully respected it. At the minute he only see photos of her, and communicates via WhatsApp, so there is nothing he can do to force anything either way.
  
• 

  stuckinarut2

  If your dad shows an interest in your daughter, then that is nice.

  BUT, if I was in your shoes, I would help him to see that he cannot exclude you in those interactions.

  When he calls or messages or skypes, just be there chatting with him as well. Show him by your conduct that you don't respect the imposed restrictions that the religion has placed on your interactions.

  Show him what is actual appropriate conduct by just being normal.

  This will also show your daughter a powerful thing....

  If he then tries to cut the interaction because he feels uncomfortable, that is HIS problem...not yours
  
• 

  SamTheGinge

  Thanks stuckinarut2,

  That's not something I'd ever really considered. I think that where being shunned is so 'normal' to me I just treat is a normal, and I have a "Oh well, that's just the way it is" attitude.

  The thing is, I think my Dad would love to talk to me, but he's that entrenched with the JW's that he couldn't bring himself to do it.
  

  If I could leave you with a prime example of what he could be like with me, and this is in no way meant as a slight on him (I still respect him hugely for what he's had to deal with in the past, but that's another story). When my 1st wife left me I was devastated, as you'd expect (both my wife and I were practicing JW's at the time) and she had no scriptural grounds on which to leave i.e I hadn't cheated, I didn't beat her, I didn't gamble or do any other of the so called scriptural reasons that a spouse could leave, so I was in pieces as to what to do next. The Elders were trying to persuade my wife to come back to me, due to the aforementioned reasons, but she was having none of it. So, I turned to the one person who I thought I could get decent advice from, my Dad. I invited him over for a beer and chat (as you do) and I asked him what I could do to sort this mess out, he starts to pull the Bible out and before he could open it I broke down and asked him to help me as a Dad, he told me couldn't do it. The reason? Because he could only talk to me as a Witness, and as an Elder, and that all advice should be directed from the Bible. To give him his credit he looked just as upset as me, because I could see that he wanted to give me his advice, but his conscience wouldn't let him. This was 14 years ago now and I've long since gotten over it, but I do still think of it now and then and realise just what this religion does to families when parents can't give their own advice without it coming from the scriptures.