How many here are married to (still In) Jay Dubs? Any tips or advice for keeping the marriage going?

by NikL 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • NikL

    If you are, you KNOW it is not easy to remain intimate with someone who thinks you are basically "walking dead".

    Any thoughts or tips to share with the board?

    What has been the greatest issue for your marriage?

    Need to vent?

    I am in this position being married to a still in JW wife and thought it would be fun to start a thread for others like me.

  • FadeToBlack

    Not sure it will be 'fun' but I get your point. Recently was accused of being taken over by Satan and his demons. The biggest problem for me is that she doesn't seem to be able to enjoy the moment, as in now. Why bother after all when it will be so much better in the future.... The negative attitude is a real turn off.

  • Phoebe

    When you are a witness you are constantly told this isn't the real life. Just get through this system as best you can because your real life is ahead.

    Before my very recent fade, my husband had left the organization 18 years ago, I always felt as if there was no point to my marriage as we didn't have the same spiritual goals and I totally envisaged a life in the new system without him. Sometimes when he got on my nerves I was actually quite looking forward to it!

    It is really difficult maintaining a close relationship when someone is in and you're not or visa versa.

  • out4good4

    I guess I am in a rare state with my JW wife. While I am confident she may hear over and over that I am basically the walking dead at the hall, she says over and over that she personally believes that I am a good person and that she believes that I will be spared by the vengeful sock puppet during armageddon.

    The biggest problem for me is that she doesn't seem to be able to enjoy the moment, as in now. Why bother after all when it will be so much better in the future.... The negative attitude is a real turn off.

    My wife is also this way. We could be immersed in something that is the most fun ever or looking at something stunningly beautiful and she'll always comment on how things will be so much better in the future.

    Every JW I've ever been around was like that. They seem to not be able to find beauty or satisfaction in anything save the continual sucking up to the governing body.

  • EverApostate

    My Wife and I got baptized together and after 11 years in the religion I came to realize it was a cult. Wrote a disassociation letter 5 years ago. Still happily married. Very often I try to plant seeds of truth in her, especially while watching documentaries about Evolution and so on. Maintaining peace and love is highly essential. I often assure her that my unconditional love and support would continue even if she changes to another religion or totally quits everything. I consider her as a cult victim and this gives me the patience to move along with life despite the differences.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen

    Raises hand.

    It sucks somewhat. Especially with a young child...

  • UnshackleTheChains
    Raises hand.
    It sucks somewhat. Especially with a young child..

    Same here. Only attend meetings occasionally for PURELY social reasons to avoid the stress 🙄

  • zeb

    sex. Make the effort girls.

    • don't take the cong to bed.
    • Don't take school problems to bed.
    • Don't take food to bed.
    • The bedroom is a 'wheinge free' zone.
    • don't tolerate tweenage daughters who.. "cant find..." something they need for school next day when they have watched tv for hours etc to interfere with planned intimacy.
    • don't allow what the society said or you or the other elderettes imagined they said to kill your love life.
    • don't allow you body image probs to kill intimacy.
    • Girls when a guy is roused and going he don't give a shit about loved handles or a large bum. and accept that as you get that bit older is natural for a woman to put on a 'pound a year' "Everywoman" x Derek Llewellyn Jones.
    • If you shape so depresses you deal with it. Do regular gym work and less time in fs.
    • If he brings you flowers.. notice. (I had flowers on the table after one convention when she got home she was more interested in an electricity bill flyer).

    We need body to body contact. No contact and we suffer emotionally and mentally.. and us men feel we are putting our the effort the housekeeping the car maintenance the drives for coffee and so on and defending the home and family receive no appreciation.

    You didn't marry the wts you married him.

    If he brings you flowers it does NOT indicate a stamp of approval of your modus operandi. So no sex for months is not being rewarded.

    Lets hear from the ladies...

  • JW_Rogue

    I'm still here, wife has realized "I'm not that spiritual" but doesn't really push me past that.

  • Silent Knight
    Silent Knight

    So far my wife has been very respectful of my not attending meetings and hasn't pushed the issue, she didn't even mention the memorial this year.

    Our main cause of martial stress is finances. We put too much on credit cards early on in our marriage and now it takes most of our income to cover minimum payments. Sense I woke up I've seen the need to pay those bad boys off and start saving for retirement, and kids college funds. But she is still planning on Armageddon to come and wipe out all the bills and need for retirement. It's a real sore topic when she talks about wanting to put more on credit cards and spend spend spend!

    I used to not get how money could cause divorce, but now that we've become so different in our financial mindsets I've seen just how much strain it puts on a marriage.

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