Paranoid why the coordinator's wife is soft shunning me

by Isambard Crater 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • oppostate

    This has the unpleasant aroma of rumors being shared about you behind your back.

    She just happens to be a very self-righteous WT automaton who deems it her duty to treat you as marked, judged and sentenced with the spiritual capital punishment of shunning.

    You've been deemed contaminated and infectious and so she shuns you like a leper.

    Here's a shunning antidote:

    The best response is to go out of your way to be in her face with pleasant conversation starters every single time you can get within speaking distance of her, and if she's to far to hear you then make friendly gestures of hello, wave madly like you like her a ton, and if she's out of sight, tell others how much you like her and that you're best buddies and just about soul-mates.

    This way the coals you're heaping upon her head will burn with the intensity of the fires of Gehenna.

    Be happy, be merry and make her life a living hell through kindness. She will hardly be able to withstand the shunning antidote.

  • scratchme1010

    I can only think of one reason, which is that she may have seen me give a car ride to a disfellowshipped person months ago.

    I can think of many other reasons:

    1. She's a bitch.

    2. She believes in, and/or likes starting gossip. She may feel entitled to treat you that way based on all kinds of bad information as a result of filthy gossip.

    3. She's jealous of you and/or your position. As the wife of the coordinator, she feels entitled to be a leader among other women, and therefore she may feel like she's entitled to have authority over other people in the congregation.

    4. She's jealous of you and/or your position. As the wife of the coordinator, she feels trapped in her position, having to be completely submissive and be an example in the congregation, an resents that you don't have to put up with that nonsense.

    5. She did see you with a disfellowshipped person and she's actually trying to do what JWs are told to do.

    6. She's a social predator and feels pleasure out of seeing other people suffer.

    Either way, do you need her in your life? Do you have to interact with her? Do you think that you need her approval? Do you think that she has any power over you?

    If you are depressed, I understand that you may be extra sensitive to this type of treatment. It's uncalled and you don't deserve that kind of treatment for and it's difficult to deal with shit like her while you're dealing with depression.

    Keep reminding yourself that you are in fact in a much better position than, even if she herself is PIMO. You don't have to deal with the pressure of having a husband who has a position in the congregation. She has to be submissive, an example to the congregation, and anything she will do will affect her husband's standing in the congregation, which she has to hate with passion.

    Ignore her, avoid her, but most importantly, remember that you want her and shit like her out of your life anyway.

  • Finkelstein

    To be judgemental toward people is an avocation of power or a show righteousness, woman have little power in the JWS congregations but that doesn't mean they cant be overtly judgemental.

    Seen a few PO, CODE wives behave this way, its like they attach themselves with their husband's power as it were.

  • ToesUp

    This cult is so judgmental. There is no telling why she is snubbing you. You probably looked at her wrong. These people have to be by far the most self righteous bunch on the face of the earth.When I read posts like this one, it really makes me appreciate not having to deal with these issues anymore.

    I am sorry she did that to you. Don't beat yourself up about it. I don't know your circumstances but if you get the opportunity.....RUN LIKE HELL!

  • Incognito


    I understand your attitude, but not everyone sees or accepts things in the manner which you may.

    From IC's initial post, it appears he/she was on friendly terms with this woman. As IC continues to attend meetings, this then implies ongoing and frequent association/interaction with congregation members including this woman.

    According to the initial post, the behaviour started 6 months ago and has been bothering IC. IC has resorted to speculating over the reason(s) and as there has been no other congregation members mentioned as behaving similarly, the treatment does not appear to be 'official' but only the actions of one person.

    Speculating over possible reasons will not resolve the issue or settle IC's mind, nor will relating the experience on an internet discussion board. To get to the heart of the matter, since the unexplained passive aggressive behaviour bothers IC, I suggested that IC directly ask the woman the reason for her behaviour.

    If the COBE's wife acknowledges a reason, it is then IC's decision how he/she wishes to react. If no reason or apology is provided, then IC can proceed knowing he/she attempted to resolve an obvious problem which the other party didn't wish to correct or even acknowledge.

  • Gorbatchov

    Ignore her...

    Just like I do with 99 percent of the local congo.

    No need to be friends with all.

    Be selective just like her.


  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    Passive-aggressive, manipulative behavior, looking for one result or another. It is never justified.

    Once the passive-aggressive person sees that their behavior has gotten your attention, and that you ARE bothered by it, and that you DO wonder why they are acting that way - they will never change toward you. They will keep up that stupid act because they feel empowered. They feel power because their behavior was able to affect your emotions.

    The only response that will benefit you, in my opinion, is to ignore that behavior. Quit thinking and wondering why they are treating you that way. If you catch their glance, smile and then look away, and do something else.

    When they see and believe that their behavior just doesn't matter to you, they will change and do something else. They have to change because YOU changed.

  • LongHairGal


    I agree with you and yours is the correct way to deal with a manipulative, passive aggressive individual: just ignore them. When they realize they are not going to get anywhere with their "shunning act", they will stop because they realize it is useless.

    Shunning does not work without an audience. The audience is you...Even though this behavior can happen anywhere, it is especially prevalent within the JWs because of their class system, egos, people thinking they are special and you should go "crawling" to them and so on.

    I also realize that some on here are still associated and feel guilt that they have to go out of their way to "kiss and wipe"..To each his own..Only my blood relatives and somebody who I considered an actual friend would have gotten this courtesy from me. Nobody else there would have gotten this.

  • sparrowdown

    Don't let it destabilize you or weaken your "mentally out" resolve as it's just JW mind games, act like you don't give a crap, ignore her and continue on with your fade.

  • moreconfusedthanever

    I agree that letting it bother you gives her all the power. Say hello when you see her, smile and walk away. She is one person and of no consequence to you. If she did see you give the DF person a ride then it is up to her to say something to you - according to proper scriptural principle - until then you can ignore her behaviour and carry on as normal.

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