Paranoid why the coordinator's wife is soft shunning me

by Isambard Crater 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    For the past six months the coordinator's wife has definitely been avoiding me, turning her back or walking away when I walk in her direction, giving me a stare at other times. If I try to make casual conversation with her, she literally walks away or just looks through me until someone else comes to talk to her.

    I can only think of one reason, which is that she may have seen me give a car ride to a disfellowshipped person months ago. I mean, it would be totally random if she happened to spot me on this one short journey, but it's possible. Wouldn't she have said something to her husband, who would have had a quiet word with me as an elder? Or doesn't she have two witnesses as proof, so she's sulking? It's making me very uncomfortable. And yes, I'm mentally out but still attend and I'm generally still liked by most in the congregation as they just know I'm depressed.

  • Reazon22

    Sorry to hear that. Remember the 2 witnesses rule and she doesn't know even know the circumstances behind the ride, your car could have broken down and the person could be assisting you in your time of need.

  • Incognito

    Instead of speculating, why don't you ask her?

  • LostGeneration

    Take her aside and shove Matthew 5:23 up her ass (nicely of course). If she brings up that then simply say why in the world are you shunning me instead of bringing Matthew 5:23 to you. Win-lose. You win, and she loses either way.

    There are always ways to mess with these people using their own doctrines against them.

  • LongHairGal


    I disagree. This is playing into sick and manipulative behavior.


    Do not play into this!!! Let HER make a move since she has a "problem".

    If somebody has an issue with you they should approach you and say something. It is not for you to scrutinize these people's faces and body language and imagine they have a problem and go crawling to ask what's "wrong". This is sick manipulation at its finest.

    I remember back in the day somebody tried this with me. I just ignored them.

  • Incognito

    LHG: If this wasn't a JW, perhaps someone acting similarly at your place of work, what would you do?

    (Assuming it bothers you) Would you waste time guessing of possible reasons, or posting to uninvolved strangers on an internet discussion board, or would you simply ask them directly if there is something you may have done which offended them?

  • just fine
    just fine

    She is a JW it could be anything, everything, or nothing.

  • LongHairGal


    This would depend on how friendly I was with the person at work and how often I saw them. I would greet them normally. It is really an intelligent person's responsibility to speak up when they have a problem about something. If I have done something wrong to this person, I will know that I did and will apologize and explain. However, if the person dislikes me or ignores me because of office politics, I don't bother about it.

    But, we are dealing here with Witness behavior. This is in a different category and has more to do with egotism and people thinking they are more special than you and should be afforded deferential treatment..Therefore, they could kiss my a$$. Looking back in retrospect, I would not have done anything different.

  • steve2

    Well, if you can think of no reasonable justification for her walking away from you, you could try directly - but tactfully - commenting to her what you've observed happening when you speak to her (walking away, ignoring you, etc.).

    At least you give her an opportunity to confirm or deny. If she denies it, don't push the matter because it could be construed as harassment (from her perspective). If she confirms it, you could ask what she has observed you doing that warrants 'soft' shunning you.

    In both instances, you don't want to add fuel to the matter, as when you take the step of trying to ascertain what's happening and you inadvertently make it worse by pushing the matter further once she's answered one way or another/..

    I know it will be difficult, but if she has decided to avoid you (for whatever reason), confrontation doesn't work - especially in front of others where she can play the, "Who me?" card and you could end up appearing super-sensitive and reactive.

    On the other hand, if you bring it to her attention and she denies she's giving you the cold shoulder, she'll now be "on notice".

    At the same time, soft shunning can be so very subtle that often times others do not see it happening, and, if after your speaking to her, she continues to do it, then what? My advice is to protect yourself: Do not needlessly put yourself in her company as I don't see it going well for you.

  • Finkelstein

    Seen this kind of shunning before, if the person who is shunning sees you going out in service they will quickly forget your past transgressions like conversing with a Dfed person or giving them a lift or having a long conversation with them.

    She thinks she has one one you in other words.

    Since she is the coordinator's wife, that puts more emphasis on her to be more judgemental that other wifes in the congregation.

    There is psychological game of who is righteous and who is not in the JWS mindset.

    Answer = dont associate with JWS.

    Its a highly mental controlling cult if you haven't accepted this fact yet.

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