I'm getting disfellowshipped

raven

Hi everyone, a bit of an update here on my continuing disaster of a situation.. (refer to my previous posts for the full story) my mom met with me yesterday for dinner, it was nice.. However, she brought up the fact that because I live with my boyfriend and how everything has gone down, I will be disfellowshipped.. I think the elders basically have enough proof of this.. Due to the anonymous tipper (still have no clue who it was, I live in another town 100's of miles away from my old congregation territory), and my mom telling them. I'm not sure when they will announce it, or if they will contact me prior.. At this point I feel so emotionally dead I don't care- On the other hand, I don't want to be disfellowshipped because I do not want to loose a relationship with my mom. That is the whole reason I tried fading out..

Those of you who are Df'd, how does your family treat you? Did your parent(s) ever come around to speaking with you again? I just long to have a good relationship with my mom, but I know in my heart that I do not want to go back to the org.. So that means forever being disfellowshipped. And if that's the case, my life isn't even worth living if I'm being shunned and casted out. My life is so dark and sad right now, its honestly pitiful.

just fine

Raven, your life is worth living regardless of whether someone chooses to speak to you or not. I am not DF but did go through a period of not speaking to my family because they wouldnt respect my choice. We do speak now, but it will never be a tell each other everything relationship. I have zero relationship with my siblings.

please do not play into their emotional manipulation. You can't make someone love you the way you want them to, you will find acceptance and love in other places when you are ready. It will be ok.

dubstepped

I'm sorry that you're in this place right now. It is an unfair place to be put in. There are indeed mothers that speak to DFed kids, but we all know that's a small percentage.

I know things look bleak, but you have other people in your life. Remember that scripture about losing mothers and fathers etc. but gaining them tenfold or some such number? It is true. My wife and I both lost everyone. But we gained so many new friends and people sticking closer than a brother. We have a rich life and it won't be a year until September since we DA'd. You can have that too. You can't control your mom's reaction to this. She turned you in on whatever level, and thinks she's doing you a favor. How messed up is that?

Pain is temporary. Don't do anything rash that lasts forever. Keep your chin up, keep coming here for support. Maybe get a therapist. And realize that the whole world is open to you now. You will be free, and people aren't scary, and you can have more relationships now than ever before. Family is what you make it. Welcome to the worldwide family. Tell your story, be vulnerable, and you can find friends among healthy people.

KiddingMe

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

DJS

Raven,

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Is your mom certain or is she just expressing her thoughts? A judicial committee is bound to try to contact you before any conclusions or announcements. If they do it would still be a very good idea to have a lawyer prepare a response.

And you never know; this may be the thing that causes your mom and family to re-think the shunning policy and all things borg. Let's hope.

Anders Andersen

Dear raven,

I'm very sorry to hear this is happening to you. It sucks big time. Take your time in processing this.

Be sad. Be angry. Don't act upon these emotions. Don't do or decide anything you can't turn back.

In the end you'll be able to accept that sometimes we are victims of a situation. We can't control what other people do, but we can control our own actions.

Keep your head high. The darkness will disappear...

Big hug.

ttdtt

DJS - a legal response will do nothing - you would be shunned anyway.
It will just make them think apostate instead of weak person.

sir82

DJS - a legal response will do nothing - you would be shunned anyway.

There have been many cases, some documented on this site, where a strongly worded letter from an attorney to the BOE, copying the WTS, has resulted in an indefinite suspension of the judicial committee, and no DFing has occurred.

At the absolute bare minimum, involving an attorney will buy weeks or months of time while the local BOE confers with the WTS to see what to do.

DesirousOfChange

Those of you who are Df'd, how does your family treat you?

This varies dramatically between JWs.

Contact with family members has a loophole -- "necessary family matters" is what the WT calls it. ***

The Elders Book only directs Elders to take action against an active JW who for having too much unnecessary contact with NON-family members. Yes, there is much propaganda written and spoken that strongly discourages any contact with DF family (and a new video for the upcoming RC hammers the point again -- you can see it posted on this site), but the only action Elders are allow to take is to remove "positions of privilege" from offenders, thus your Mom would not be able to be an Elder/MS (joke) or a Pioneer. Because of this, there is typically less contact if the family members who are still "in" have a position in the Cong. -- though I know some who just keep it all discreet and ignore it, thus the reason for the convention video.

Since you live quite a distance away, NO ONE will know if she visits unless she blabs it to them, so how much contact she has will be completely her decision. You might get prepared to use scriptures to show her that shunning is wrong. (Yeah, you can twist them any way you choose since WT does the same thing.)

You will most very likely lose every other JW "friend" that you thought you had, so get out and make the effort to make some real (worldly) friends now. In other words, you are young, so get on with your life.

Good luck,

Doc

The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

*** w81 9/15 p. 29 par. 18 If a Relative Is Disfellowshiped . . . ***
The second situation that we need to consider is that involving a disfellowshiped or disassociated relative who is not in the immediate family circle or living at one’s home. Such a person is still related by blood or marriage, and so there may be some limited need to care for necessary family matters.

Giordano

First off.......... all of us want you to be loved and to live your life the way you want to.

But, I am not sure that can be done with Mommie Dearest on the scene.

On the other hand, I don't want to be disfellowshipped because I do not want to lose a relationship with my mom.

Is this a healthy relationship?

Mom could have been silent allowing you to work out your life style, allowing you to fade, perhaps hoping you would return to her beliefs. Instead she has hounded you......... claims to have informed on you........ claims there is another witness to your living arrangement 100's of miles away.

To a JW, with their pathetic beliefs, being DF is a death sentence. Your MOM didn't just throw you under the bus she is also driving the bus.

Is this a familiar pattern with her behavior and yours?

Please get some help to work through this relationship.

I'm getting disfellowshipped

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