The other gay thread is approx. 5 pages long now, this one growing slowly. I think there's another one going on also. Several gays are posting, who have jw background and possibly jw parents. With all this communication, one type of experience is totally lacking. Parents, family members of gays - in particular, jw parents with gay children.
That said, I fit the bill. I've known one of my children was gay since he was about 10, not too hard to start to see if a parent looks. I, being the average jw, tried to help/get him to fit in with the other jw kids. He fit in great with the girls (he's handsome [modeling contract] 6'4" blond, with broad shoulders, funny & cruely sarcastic). The guys were cold and unmerciful towards him. He couldn't wait to leave home & the jw's.
The best thing that he did growing up was to fight me in the 4th grade and take music, join the band, etc., etc. That was his grounding force during all those years. The other kids who take music are usually not the most popular kids either, and tend to be smart, so he had kids to hang with. His major in college (with attending scholarships) was music. He's now in Law School - striving for the top 20%. However, that interfers with his drinking nights, so it's a hard choice. Dork.
So much for his background. When he finally told me straight out he was gay (a parent can accept a lot when it's not said straight out), we went through a year of barely speaking - not really angry, just didn't know what to say. We finally agreed to disagree - and to remake our relationship. We had lunch every two weeks (he was in college, and a free lunch is not to be passed up), and talked about "other things." We learned we could be friends and accept each other. It worked, much credit on his part. Btw, my husband is as - or more - accepting than I was, much credit on his part also.
We're older now, and we're still friends. But for a jw to accept their own children as sexual people who are basically cursed by the concepts the parents live by - is extremely hard, even heartbreaking. Upon leaving the WTBTS, it's easier - but old ways die hard.
I have tried to live by a new pattern upon leaving the WTBTS, "Live and Let Live." Not too hard to do if not touching me personally. But to be tolerant - to the point of accepting - Live and Let Live - is really quite hard to do.
I worry about my son. Being harrassed and beaten by homophobics, aids, etc., are realities.
waiting
ps - I find it hard to comprehend that there are no others here who don't have close family members who are gay. It would be nice to read how it was handled, in view of our being jw's. How do/did others handle having mothers/fathers, brothers/sisters, sons/daughters, who came to them (as active jw's) and said "I'm gay." Particularily, "I'm gay and have a lover."
