My Boyfriend's Family Wants to Meet Mine (My Parent's are JWs) Help!

by LaurenM 25 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • LaurenM

    So I have been "faded" for approximately 2.5 years. My parents know I haven't attended a meeting in quite some time, but don't know that I have been dating a guy for about eight months. We really love each other and his family is super sweet. I think we may get married to each other someday (we've already talked about it.) However, my parents know nothing about him and his family naturally would like to meet mine. Is there any way I can introduce them? How would they react to me having a "wordly" boyfriend even if I assert that we don't spend any time alone and we're not sleeping together. I feel like I'm slowly forgetting the JW doctrine being out for a while. My dad's an elder. I know they would like his family if they just got over the fact that they're not JWs. HELP!

  • DesirousOfChange

    A successful fade of 2.5 years? Don't do it if you want that to continue successfully.

    His parents may think that is odd. Of course they want to see/meet your family. They'd like to be assured that you're from "good stock". Don't do it. They just cannot understand what it is you have to hide. They think their son (your boyfriend) is a great guy (and so do you evidently), so they will never understand why you have to "hide" him from your parents. But if you don't, you're going to lose everything you've work towards for 2+ years.

    For example, with 2.5 years invested, his parents surely assume you and he are having a "relationship". They no doubt, can accept that. It's normal for a young guy and gal talking about marriage. But NOT your parents. If your elder Dad gets word of this, you're not having a "relationship" -- you are fornicating. OMG! There goes the fade. There goes your freedom to have association with your parents, etc.

    Simply said: Don't do it!

  • scratchme1010

    I think it's time to have a nice, serious and heart to heart conversation with your parents. I imagine that you are an adult, which means that one of the main points of conversation is that as an adult you are now in charge of your own decisions.

    Easier said than done, though. Even in the messed up family I grew up in, I found it difficult to make that point to my parents. There's always fear to hurt them, but that also means that we are communicating that we are going to be responsible for everything in our lives, something not easy to do when you create some dependence by means of the WT.

    However, the best way is to be honest, for them to hear things about you directly from you, and for them to start understanding that you are now an adult with your own ideas and decisions of what/who you want in your life. All that should come from you if you want the best outcome (IMO).

  • Londo111

    Does your boyfriend's family understand your parents are in a cult?

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    I don’t know your age or the circumstances but I am curious as to why your boyfriend’s parents want or need to meet your parents when you aren’t even engaged. I could understand your boyfriend wanting to meet your parents himself, but I’m not sure why his parents need to meet yours at this time. especially since their son hasn’t even met your parents yet.

    You could tell your boyfriend’s family that you’ll introduce your parents to them sometime in the future when your relationship has progressed to that point or you could simply explain the situation to them and tell them that your parents are lovely people but they are involved in a very strict religious organization that prohibits dating outside the religion and it would complicate things for you right now if you were to meet them at this point.

    Perhaps you could show them a few photos of your family and your self with them so they get the idea and perhaps that will be enough for them for now .

  • Iamallcool

    A Very Bad Idea! You can try to explain to him and his parents why your parents shouldn’t meet them. Easier said than done! I surely do hope they will understand why.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Sad to say, but it's certain that you're not going to come out of this unscathed.

    Sooner or later, your parents will find out about your "worldly" boyfriend. You can then expect an ultimatum from them - it's either "God's organization," or the boyfriend. And of course, the threat that you will be cutting yourself off from them by your choice. Get ready.

  • sir82

    If your dad is an elder, he will lose his position if it becomes known that he has "blessed" his daughter's relationship with a "worldly" guy, even if that daughter is (a) inactive and (b) not living at home.

    That fact will most certainly influence his reaction. Plan accordingly.

  • dubstepped

    At some point in your life you'll have to come clean. This is the problem with fading. Are you really going to be able to play JW games forever? It's not a matter of if, but when you start showing the real you. That doesn't mean the time is now, but you can't hide forever.

    I'd just tell the truth to his family. All the stuff about cults and so forth, and how this isn't possible. That's just me though. It won't go well if you tell your folks, but you know that so you came here hoping for a miracle.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    go get wed. then let the parents sort each other out afterwards

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