Fake depression or chronic fatigue syndrome....then have a few beers and watch the Sunday football. When you wake up with red bloodshot eyes they will think your really sick!
Emotionally very ill but can't face consequences of leaving
by Isambard Crater 17 Replies latest jw friends
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Isambard Crater
xjwsrock - thanks for sharing your situation. I'm kind of amazed you're able to coast in the way you do if you're an elder, but good for you and I like your reasoning!
Pete Zahut - wow, your experience sounds similar to mine, as I've turned to drinking (sometimes) too and a few other anxiety and stress-relieving things I shouldn't really grow a fondness for. It's encouraring to know it didn't take years for your anxiety and distress to subside, but rather, a week or so. These days I miss an average of 3 of the 8 monthly meetings. I've often wanted to make eye-opening comments during the Watchtower but lack any confidence in public situations nowadays. I already have my own territory card, which has allowed me to do ministry when it suits me and not to have to mix with other J.W's, but people are getting a bit suspicious now and tell me I really need to be out with the group. I've used the depression and anxiety reason in a very genuine way, as I was even hospitalised with it in the recent past, but they say heed the org's advice and pray, study, preach and attend meetings more, which will make me less depressed, as I only feel that way because of Satan and being in a divided home.
Scully - My job is currently a nightmare anyway, with loads of projects going wrong and big deadlines over my head, so I've had to miss meetings because of work anyway - which is 'disappointing' to the congregation, who I guess perceive me as spiritually weak. I have been put on various strong medication over the years but decided to come off all of it because I don't want to damage my body and mind in addition to the damage done to it by the org and want to be fully in control of my own emotions even if they're killing me at the moment, rather than something managing my chemicals for me. Plus I want to be able to have a drink sometimes, which most of my previous meds prevented!
Zyron - you sound in the most similar situation. Your advice about reading on the tablet is good. I might try that. Do you find yourself thinking about the troubling things taught and heard at the meetings once you've gone home and then all throughout the next day? I find it very hard to walk out of the Kingdom Hall and forget about things. They really affect and dominate my mind and even my body.
My husband loves it when I miss meetings, which is understandable, but one thing I didn't mention is that our marriage is on the rocks for a few other strong reasons, which makes life even harder for me at the moment. It's hell, but I know this forum will support me more than the J.W's have tried to do so far.
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Zyron
Isambard Crater - I did think deeply about all the nonsense that passed off as truth decades ago and occasionally still do. You have to find a space where you can feel comfortable with all the colliding thoughts in your head. I've had a long time to get use to it. I've been using the tablet the last few years.
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Ding
In another thread, someone suggested having fun preparing for the Watchtower studies by marking up your Watchtower with magic marker.
You can highlight statements you think are just plain wrong, poorly reasoned, or examples of propaganda and indoctrination techniques.
When you get to the meeting, it will appear that you have prepared well for the study. In fact, you will have prepared well, but not in the way the WT wants you to. You will have been thinking for yourself.
If you want to comment at the meeting, you can read off some of the WT statements and truthfully say that you found that statement really interesting and instructive.
If they ask you what you find so interesting about it, you can say it's the way it's worded or the emphasis it places on obeying the faithful and discreet slave, something like that. No one will contradict you by claiming that the statement is uninteresting or not worth reading.
If you want to do a little seed planting (and live a bit dangerously), you might from time to time say something like, "I wonder how the writers found out the information they have cited in this paragraph. They must do a lot of research. I wonder what sources they used. I don't think I could have found that no matter how hard I searched for it..."
Of course, you won't make waves by telling them what you really think of the "information" unless you reach the point where you have decided to DA or get DFd.
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blondie
If someone told you that you had cancer and you were already feeling the effects....and that you would get sick faster if you stayed in your house, how long would it take to arrange somewhere better to live?
But first you would have to recognize that you very ill. You seem to have done that already and coming here trying to find better ways to treat the illness.
Most have us have that illness are doing positive things to get better. Some of us are further along, know a variety of ways to do that.
But it is a challenge when you have a serious illness, there may be more pain....surgery...to achieve less pain, medication with side effects that can help, therapy, group support, and fear of the unknown.
I am inactive now for 17 years, but this is my 3rd attempt and last....I know enough that going back will be more painful than leaving, that not leaving and staying will be more painful.
So let us share our experiences and support.
Love, Blondie
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Anders Andersen
Wtf I didn't even do 2 hours a week when I was an exemplary and 'active' brother.
Granted, I didn't make MS because of low hours....but for goodness sake!Simply stop going out in FS and hand over a 4 hours faked time slip every month?
Try to take charge of your own life little by little?Hang in there!
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John Free
Hello Isambard and welcome, interesting name, I live not far from some of Brunel's handywork. Anyways, one option is cut the 2 hours per week to 1 and lie on your report slip. You may not feel comfortable with that but remember that you are dealing with a manipulative control group that is using undue influence ( fear, obligation and guilt) to hold you captive. Under these circumstances its not wrong to lie Isambard. The very best option however is to leave. Tell your parents you need a break from the meetings. Stop attending. Tell the elders you don't want to talk about it you just want a break, specifically ask them to respect your privacy. Don't give away any more information. That's what I did and I still see all my family. It may not be as sweet as before with family but the mental freedom you get when you leave this manipulative group...you couldn't put a price on it.
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Half banana
Isambard Crater, you are feeling fragile at the moment you have a number of pressures on you. Sorry to hear of your difficult situation. The logical thing is to slow down and avoid those areas of your life causing the stress which is of course the religion.
Tell your friends and family that you are weak, worn out and depressed. There will be sympathy for you on this since many JWs talk this way in the first place! So tell them you need some personal space to recuperate and skip some of the meetings and most of the field service. (I do find it a puzzle how non-believers can preach the WT lie with a good conscience?) If you make your position clear that you need private time it will alert them to the fact that you are sliding and that is good to establish because they will get used to it and ask less of you.Thank the elders for offers of "shepherding" but firmly and politely decline. You can remain a JW as long as you don't verbally express doubt or criticism of the org and its doctrines.
It is a fake organisation which uses theocratic warfare, so don't be afraid to you your own "TW" back on them!
Fading like this gives you time to build up your health and confidence to do what you actually want in the longer term. So don't rush it, just gradually fade and you know we are all gunning for you.