Emotionally very ill but can't face consequences of leaving

by Isambard Crater 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Isambard Crater
    Isambard Crater

    I'm a new Member so wanted to say 'hi'. I live in the U.K, was born in, fell away as an unbaptised publisher, got baptised in my 30s for reasons I'm retrospectively unsure of, and lost my faith about five years ago around the time of the original A.R.C. Now, being unable to leave is making me physically, emotionally and mentally ill.

    I'm not strong enough to DA and live with the family consequences, and despite having several good friends outside the faith, none of them could support me in an active way as such. But I've got to the stage where I can't face going to the meetings anymore.

    I have read loads of posts on this and other J.W forums from people who have to pretend they're still in although they're awake, so want advice on how you cope with meetings and occasional ministry without it driving you crazy like it's started to do to me?

    Fading's not an option at the moment so I want to be able to cope with the two weekly meetings and maybe 2 hours of door knocking per week maximum, but be able to stop my doubts and disgust dominating every waking thought the rest of the time, so I can relax and forget about it between meetings.

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    hi Isambard--welcome to the site. theres loads of us UK types on here....

    https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/197364/ex-jw-uk?page=1&size=20

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    I want to be able to cope with the two weekly meetings and maybe 2 hours of door knocking per week maximum, but be able to stop my doubts and disgust dominating every waking thought the rest of the time,

    I have no advice on that, which is why we no longer "fake it" by attending meetings or going in field circus.

    Good luck! . . . . Doc

  • freddo
    freddo

    Fade more quickly to minimum first.

    Why do two hours a week for goodness sake?

    Why attend all the meetings?

    I only attend for peace with close family. We have a don't ask don't tell stand off sort of agreement. I show my face at ministry once a month and report 2 to 4 hours. If elders ask to shepherd me or go propaganda preaching I politely but firmly refuse. If they pressed (they leave me to myself now) harder I politely and firmly tell them I'm content where I am and do not wish to join them in the ministry.

    When they asked why I would say I have private and personal concerns which I am not prepared to share with anyone except Jehovah (yeah right, like he exists or cares).

    If they press further I say we all have private things between ourselves and our creator so please leave me alone.

    IF YOU WANT TO FADE you must shut up and be firm about it. Smile, laugh, put on a brave face but do not say anything they can use against you.

    Best wishes.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Try doing literature cart duty. It's the easiest form of field service. You don't have to say anything.

  • Finkelstein
    Finkelstein

    You have my deepest sympathies

    Being trapped in a corrupt lying cult isn't a lot of fun but at least you known the truth of whats going on and one day you'll come up with a plan to leave.

    Keep seeking information in the mean time and post any questions that you need help with.

    Take Care.

  • xjwsrock
    xjwsrock

    You have to find some way to coast-by until you can make your next move. I am a freaking elder coasting. I do 10 minute parts in like 6 minutes. 15 minute parts in like 10. Service always invloves a stop by the hall because I forgot something or an errand I need to do because of a deadline. If I can work in an "encouraging visit" with someone, I definitely am up for that. By "encouraging visit" i mean a visit where I say absolutely nothing about the religion. Lol... i comment like once every other meeting. I miss like one out of three meetings prob.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    I'm glad you're trying to come up with a strategy because I know first hand how damaging "faking it" is to ones well being.

    Some of the fear and anxiety you are likely experiencing about what's ahead, could very well be caused by the meetings themselves. As I've said in other posts, toward the end of my lifelong stint as a JW, in order to cope with the anxiety that attending the meetings produced, I had to hide a small container of beer in my car and go out to the parking lot to have a few mouthfuls during the break, just to cope with the stomach flip flops and waves of panic that would come over me. I'm not a drinker at all and if you knew me, you'd never think I'd ever have to resort to something like that. The horrible anxiety and mental distress that I was plagued with for almost a decade, disappeared about a week or so after I finally decided to pull the plug on the JW's.

    You're in a cult or cult like religion so you'll have to be creative and get comfortable with being a bit coy and vague about your personal thoughts and feelings on that subject. Remember, you don't owe anyone an explanation and you don't have to make excuses. This isn't a job or a duty....you are going to the meetings and in "service" voluntarily to "supposedly" help you maintain a relationship with God...not to please other people . They often believe they are acting out of concern for you, when in truth, they are more concerned about their own discomfort when someone steps out of the role they've been pigeonholed into.

    If you can manage it, I'd recommend missing as many meetings as possible and when you do attend, have a book or something inspirational to read, downloaded on your ipad or mobile device. Sit near a wall or somewhere others won't easily be able to look over your shoulder.

    To make things interesting, I used to raise my hand and make comments that were designed to reveal an alternative thought while appearing to be pertinent to what was being studied.

    Example during the Watchtower Study: ( Even though Scientist today scoff at the idea of a global flood and the impossibility of being able to store on a floating vessel, a years supply of food and water for large animals such as elephants and Hippos. And even though they've used modern scientific methods to calculate that there isn't enough water on the planet, whether in it's atmosphere or subterranean reservoirs, to flood the entire globe to the heights of the mountain tops. We as JW's have been taught to trust that if the faithful and discrete slave says the account of Noah was literal, rather than an allegory meant to convey a lesson, then that's how it is until if and when new light is shed on the matter.)

    As far as door knocking, you could "claim" to have done a bit of "incidental witnessing". Most of us here on this site are totally "out" or are "inactive" so if it would make you feel better, you could make a post here every week telling us something you heard at the last meeting, or just quote a scripture or two, that way, theoretically, you could count your time, on us.

    You could also check out your own "territory card" and if anyone asks, just tell them you pop into the territory on own when you can squeeze in a few moments. Then just drive through there once in a while on your way to somewhere else.

    If you are suffering mentally or otherwise because of all of this, you could go the "depression" route. JW's seem to accept that diagnosis more readily than anything else since a lot of them have been taking Childrens Chewable Prozac early childhood. You could join all the other "depressed souls" and call to listen to the meetings over the phone, but don't actually listen.

    Anyway, try to take the "emergency" out of this and be creative and flexible as you navigate your way.

  • Scully
    Scully

    Do you have a job or a work related project that could possibly require you to work on a Meeting™ night?

    Do you have an interest that could temporarily occupy a Meeting™ night? Something like a cooking class or Zumba class once a month, then twice a month? Or a course that you'd like to take, like belly-button contemplation and meditation?

    It sounds like it's taking an emotional toll - have you been to a doctor? Maybe you would benefit from some medication to stabilize your mood or dampen the anxiety you have. Toward the end of my tenure with the JWs, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, just to get through Meetings™.

    Headaches, tinnitus and increasing sensitivity to florescent lighting are also good Get Out Of Jail Free cards to play occasionally. Also contagious illnesses are a good excuse too. You don't want to expose the elderly or children or pregnant Sisters™ to something contagious, right?

  • Zyron
    Zyron

    I'm in a similar position. Just do the absolute minimum and make sure you're not heard criticising the Borg.

    I get thru the meetings with my Samsung tablet reading books and articles. I dim the screen so it's difficult for onlookers to see what I'm reading. It's all doable just a struggle.

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