Depression, Anger and Anxiety

by Sorry 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sorry

    For the last few months, I feel like I've been going through the 5 stages of grief. Lately, it's been happening simultaneously. In my other posts, I've expressed anger at my family and congregation for their thoughtless ways. Yet at the same time, I get incredibly saddened with the thought that one day, my family will never contact me again and act like I don't exist. Yes, it makes me angry and somewhat hate them, but it still hurts. Before my baptism, my panic attacks were controlled, they rarely occurred anymore. Now they've been happening non stop, at least twice a week for the past two months. I've been really wanting to restart my therapy sessions, but since we're in a rough spot financially, I know it's now possible. Crying spells, panic attacks, snapping on people for little to no reason and my suicidal thoughts have been the norm for a while. My boyfriend has taken notice and has greatly helped me, even tried to get one of his friends whose a therapist to talk to me (unfortunately, due to this therapist's distant location and revolving schedule, it hasn't helped much). He has stayed by my side, listened to me vent, even understood and forgiven the times I snapped at him (which I feel incredibly guilty for). The other day, he spontaneously took me out to lunch and bowling. Doesn't sound like much, but I felt great all that day.

    He has been much more supportive than my family. "Oh you're sad? Obviously you're not doing enough for Jehovah and he's not blessing you. Either do more or suffer and shut up." My sadness is a sign of my spiritual weakness, and I need to get over if I want to make it into the new system. Never have I wanted to breakdown and punch someone at the same time in my life. They keep saying I must want to be depressed because I'm not happy. It's honestly sickening and fuels my anger. I hate what the WT has done to them.

    I just wanted to get my feelings out there. This forum is the only place that truly understands the struggle.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    Sounds like you need to spend more tie with your boyfriend. Is he a Witness?

  • Sorry

    @Village Idiot, no he is not, lucky for him. I got with him around the time I learned TTATT. I have to keep it under wraps for obvious reasons, but it's been great so far.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    I don't know the details of your situation but I would distance yourself from that kind of family. Would it be possible for you to move in with him without them or the elders finding out?

    I would also look into taking anti-depressants. I know from personal experience that they work when you get the right kind.

  • notalone

    I know this may sound hokey, and I don't want to sound weird, but if you are of limited funds, I have a few things that have worked for my family. First, find some support group or maybe a interfaith group.Secondly, for anxiety try 400 mg inositol.It is great for calming down without making you sleepy. You can put the powder directly into water for a quick reaction. The bach flower remedies rock rose ( for panic and nightmares) and cherry plum ( for suicidal thoughts) can take the edge off. I am not by any means suggesting that you not get professional help, in fact I highly recommend it.Most communities have some way you can get help if you are low income, but the wait can be quite long.Take this time to educate yourself on mental health and the effects that mind control and co-dependency have on our reactions.

  • DesirousOfChange

    While it does sound like you have more than the "normal" anxiety issues or emotional issues over coming to terms with TTATT (so perhaps seek professional counseling), let me reassure you that what you are feeling IS NORMAL when you discover TTATT. It feels like the whole world has been pulled out from under you. All of your (perhaps life long) belief systems are suddenly challenged. We too have discussed how it is much like "grieving" the loss of a loved one. It does get better, but it is not a fast recovery. At least that is our experience. I have felt A LOT or anger over it all. . . Doc

  • joey jojo
    joey jojo

    Read a good quote today,

    If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

    If you are anxious, you are living in the future.

    If you are at peace, you are the living in the present.

    This probably doesn't help at all but its something to think about :p.

  • Worldling9

    You must WANT to be depressed? That's about the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

    Depression is a medical issue. See a doctor and get a referral and possibly a prescription. You will likely feel better if you get some help.

  • Deleteandrestart

    I think a lot of posters on here have been through at least parts of what your describing, I for one understand the feelings of anger and isolation that your feeling. Also it's like your trying to communicate with them but it's like you're in a sealed glass case and they can't hear you or like your suddenly talking another language or something, yes it is normal to feel what you are feeling..... I'm two years into my fading and it still occupies my mind a great deal but I have to say it's starting to ease a little, so hang in there your not alone.

  • flipper

    SORRY- You have a great boyfriend who is very understanding . Count yourself lucky. My wife was never a JW as well and these last 10 years we 've been together she has shown a tremendous amount of support to me in the 13 years I've been out of the Witnesses. We are here as a support to you as well, hang in there, you'll make it fine- just be patient with yourself and give it time. It takes time to heal

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